Saturday, August 06, 2005
dear diary..
wow so much stuff has happened! i dun even know where to start..
SINGAPORE'S BIRTHDAY IS IN 3 DAYS! YEAH! AND GUESS WHAT ! I HAVE NDP TICKETS!! IM GOING TO SINGAPORE'S 40TH BIRTHDAY PARTY!!! YES YES YES YES!!! I CAN SING WITH SINGAPORE! STAND UP STAND UP FOR SINGAPORE!
we are singapore
we are singapore
we will stand united
hear the lion roar
this is my country
this is my land
this is my future
this is my life
this is my family
these are my friends
we are singapore..
SINGAPOREANS!
last year i watched NDP live on the internet and i cried while they sang this song.. NOW i can sing it along with SINGAPORE! =)
i've been missing alot of school too.. i used to get headaches at least 2-4 times a week.. but recently its like every single day.. its really tough.. and horrible as well.. and i cant breathe at times.. which is really awful.. and i finally went to see several of my doctors. i already did an MRI scan and it turns out that my brain is fine.. there's no blood clotting or anything up there. secondly, i went for an ECG to check my heart because of my breathing problem and cos of murmur. it was a problem i had when i was younger. one of the "doors" in my heart couldnt close properly and this lead to a backflow of blood. when i first saw the machine i was frightened again, just like i was really frightened when i had my brain scan done. they took of my shirt and put tubes and gel over my body. after they clipped the metal clippings and the wires to my body, i remember the scene was vaguely familiar.. then i remembered i had it done when i was younger as well.. after that i had spirometry.. which is a test for my lungs.. i had to put this tube halfway into my mouth and blow.. i could only blow 60% which is really bad cos the average is around 90% for people my age.. and the nurse doing it for me was worried.. then the doctor saw the results and didnt believe it, then i took it in front of him another 3 times, and the result was the same. 60% was my highest.. lowest was 40%. when the xrays of my lungs came out, it turns out that my right lung cannot open properly and not enough oxygen goes to my brain and this results in me being dizzy and having tons of headaches. i know this sounds insane, but at times i realize that i forget to breathe.. i dont mean like not breathing completely, but like not breathing properly and not knowing it.. and this can be really dangerous.. the doctor was surprised when he found that my right lung couldnt open properly (to allow oxygen to go in) and he gave me this tube which i m supposed to breathe into when i cant breathe properly and when my chest hurts. however even if it doesnt hurt, im supposed to break at least 2 tablets a day (break and breathe) and do it. i'll be seeing him again on thursday for another xray.
i hate it when i miss school cos i like miss classes.. my parents are sick of me missing school, so is the school. my mother says that there are loads more ppl that are suffering much more than me, and that i agree, but she underestimates the power of my headaches and dizzyness. they're really really bad. she can be so insensitive. anyway. that's my parents. i wont bother talking about them cos they make me pissed and upset. im happy with my school test results. been doing well. school's fun but that's IF I can get to school. sigh. my mother's gonna take away my hp next week for a week. i m not going to state the reason why, but the person involved would know. haha but she's so dumb. all i do is take out the sim card and put it in my other cellphone! as for the cell that i give her, i'll just insert one of my other sim cards. hahaha. thats what i did today when she took it away. she took it away cos i said i wasnt feeling well and didnt go to school. she says i talk too much on the phone. haha. dunno what else she is going to say. she doesnt know how to explain my medical condition, so she blames it on other factors. she FIRST blamed it on the house phone, saying i talked too much at night and it was causing me to have not enough rest thats why i cant wake up the next morning. (never occured to her that i had a headache) NEXT, she blamed it on the computer. she said that i go on the computer too late at night, causing me to have not enough sleep. THEN, when she took BOTH of them away at night on weekdays and my headaches, stomachaches, dizzyness, and chest breathing problems CONTINUED, she blamed it on my cell. so whats next? haha. she blames it on FOOD. yup. she says i dont eat enough thats why i get headaches. i really dunno what else. let's see.. too much air-con? my room's too comfortable? my bed's too soft and nice? like wth. dunno what else she wants to blame it on. ANYWAY. let's talk about something else. work's really fun. really have lots of fun there. padadada. im lovin it! =P a sad thing happened at mac last night. not sure if i should talk about it here. but yeahh, it was sad. and it made me think alot about the troubled youths in singapore, those whose parents have no money, and they're dropouts from school, forced to work. really made me realize some stuff. parents should never have a kid when they cannot afford to support one. its like buying a dog. would u buy a dog if u had no money to buy it food? or if u had no space in ur house to keep one? only that when u have a child, u cant give it up that easily as u can to animals. i find that when some parents cannot afford to have children, they have them anyway, and in the end, when the parents cannot afford to let the child have an education, the child is forced to go out and face the cruel world at such a young age. the teen has to face dangers and all sorts of bad pressure. the fear of not having an education or any friends. parents also create the wrong kind of environment for teen. what if they constantly speak in chinese and hokkien? wont that influence the teen to grow up that way and what if he/she mixes with the wrong company? this isnt what happened to my friend if that's what ur wondering.. but this is one of the cases.. i feel really sorry for my friend, and i felt extremely sad that night, when i hugged her and she burst into tears. and she hugged me tightly, and cried for a long time. i think the world should be kinder to each other.. there's lots of people who are hurting in the world now.
okay. enough of sad things for now.
TOMORROW. THE LAST 5 FINAL EPISODES OF LOST.
im going over to vist my friends in mac and buy some food then head back home and watch!! im so excited!
plus mcd is having the special offers! go check it out! im gonna buy tomorrow!! =)
the island is really nice movie. quite scary at times but it is a nice one. ((:
today i watched this show on star movies called "odd girl out". it shows how bitchy girls can be to each other. guys slog each other out but after that they have a beer. girls bitch and bitch. they spread rumours, call u a slut, and basically make ur life a living hell. this is more in western countries. but yeahh. it made me kinda sad.
basically life is great now. people that tried to make me feel down cant do it anymore. i realize that i've moved on to much greater things and can see the kind of people that they are. they're so fake. but im glad that the people i have around me arent like that. =) school's good. he's good. <3 eagle life's good. work's good. loving my life. the only downfall is my parents. but i m not going to bother about them. its their loss, if they havent seen how much i've grown since what happened in nz. the reason they cant see is i think because, they keep holding on to the past. when i was a little girl and stuff like that. and also because i m not that nice to them. i dont trust them and stuff like that. look at the way my mother behaves. even my hero agrees that how she handles situations isnt good. she doesnt know how to reveal her true emotions and she often does it the wrong way. but im not going to get involved in that.
for now, im going to continue LOVING LIFE!
but i'll do that tomorrow k.. im so tired now.. i have to go sleep. actually wanted to watch WWE: RAW but realize that i m too tired so i would rather sleep and wake up earlier tomorrow so i can go to mcd and then come home and watch LOST.
i have also already posted all the nics pics of me and all the fun stuff thats been happening in my life in friendster. ((:
*/*Love is when you miss him even before he leaves
when you could listen to him talk all night and never get tired of his voice
when the sound of his name sends chills down your spine
and you see his smile the second you close your eyes.`~*
+//. let the rain fall down// im coming clean
``*let's go back to the beginning
i love you baby. you are the best! <3
with loves; christine
12:27 AM
