Saturday, December 03, 2005
Once upon a time, there lived a girl named christine. This story starts when she was 14 years old. Christine was blessed with good and loving parents, a lovely home, and good friends however, she did not understand much about the world and adored gangsters and she did not take guys' feelings seriously. It was very easy to become her boyfriend if you were sweet and nice to her and if you did all those romantic things couples do, but it was very difficult to become someone she really loved. Christine had not met any boy she loved before so to her, love was like a game. She did not understand why she couldnt love just anyone. In 2004, she moved to New Zealand and life changed for her. She had to adapt to racism, suicidal thoughts, an eating disorder, and the horrible feeling of being lonely and cut out from her world. It was the lowest point in her life and this lasted for a very long time. Fortunately, she met an angel - her hero. When she first talked to him, it was nothing other than a simple "hello" but that "hello" blossomed into a beautiful friendship. He was like no other guy she had ever seen. He was patient, kind, sweet, loving, understanding, caring, and most of all, he seemed to understand everything she felt. Since she had nothing better to do, she would wait for her to go online and when he did, she would feel a strange surge of happiness and comfort. It was like her saviour had arrived. It was like someone was taking care of her. Christine was frightened of the world she now lived in as it had scarred her badly. However, her hero changed her life. He spent countless hours talking to her and explaining things to her that no other normal person would have. In the beginning, he barely knew her, but from the moment she started to know him, she realised that he did care alot for her. It was amazing and she didnt know how to describe it. Even though he could not heal the wounds on her, he had saved her many times, mostly from herself. She was extremely grateful and she knew that he was a miracle. One of the things that she loved most about him was that he seemed to know what she was thinking about most of the time. She had never felt more open or more close to anyone she ever knew. Her hero was a good guy and he started to change her life. He taught her what gangsters really did, what alcohol and smoking really does to young girls, he used examples of his past to help her; he explained everything that she wanted to know. Christine was also heartbroken because of a guy ******** that broke her heart and she desperately needed someone to be by her side as she had really loved that guy. The good thing was that she met her hero a few months before -------- broke her heart and he was there for her. He seemed to know so much about love and he really helped her to heal her broken heart. They say "God can heal a broken heart, but he must have all the pieces". But how exactly do you "give God all the broken pieces?" What must you do in order for God to heal you? And how? How do you concentrate on something else when all you feel is pain? So many questions haunted her sick and tired mind and she knew what she had to do. It was her last resort - nothing else could help her. After months of starvation, crying, endless counselling, harming her body, hurting herself, she felt dead. She felt as if she was able to stand in front of the road and let a car hit her. She wasnt afraid of death anymore. Christine continued to write in her journal, but it meant nothing else to her anymore. Her parents were worried and frightened, so were her friends, but what else could she do? She had a horrible broken heart that was tortured everyday, everytime she looked in the mirror she saw a fat and ugly girl that should have been killed a long time ago, everyday she went to school she was frightened of the racist remarks of other people, she was tired of hiding in the shadows, she was tired of crying everyday and all the time. She was tired of sitting and staring into space for ages. She was tired of everything. She didnt even have the permission to sit, for standing meant burning more calories. She was trapped. She wanted to end it. All her other friends couldnt numb her pain. She was in a daze. It was like a trance for her. She was blessed with good friends in school and they took good care of her, however that wasnt enough to heal her pain and suffering. She could not understand what hit so bad; no one helped. Soon after, the worst thing happened and she was put in hospital for attempted suicide and a eating disorder. She remembers that night clearly. She was msging Chad when he suddenly said that he was getting help. The phone then rang and it was Diane (Chad's girlfriend) and she asked to speak to me. I told my mum to say that i was busy and soon after, David (a church pastor) called to speak with her mum. They told her to stay with me that night and not leave me alone. They also told her to make me eat. She put a plate of kway teow and vegetables on a plate and told me to eat it. I said "im not hungry" despite not having eaten the whole day. Her mum told christine to sit at the table and eat it and she sat there, watching her eat. Christine had no choic but to follow. She first ate the few pieces of vegetable and now she looked at the horrible soft kway teow. It was like a mountain of fat to her. As tears rolled down her cheeks and she stared at her mother in hatred, her mother was frightened and alone and she told christine to "please eat it". However, christine couldnt touch anything other than the vegetables on the plate and she told her mum that she was "full" however her mum said in a loud voice "no. you havent eaten anything the whole day.. how can you be full? at least eat 2 or 3 bites." Christine then had no choice so she slowly ate 2 bites of the kway teow then pushed it away, saying she was full. Her mother looked at the plate and was half-satisfied. Christine was then about to run to the toilet and throw up but her mother stopped her and said "No. you sit here for sometime. i dont want you throwing it up." Christine then started shouting at her mother but her mum refused to budge. Christine then had no choice but to sit there and let the horrible fats digest in her body. That night, christine couldnt go online. She couldnt have her only source of comfort. Her mother insisted that she sleep early and that she wanted to sleep with her. Christine was very angry but she had no choice. Her mum slept with her that night. The next day, christine was taken to her doctor and was then admitted into hospital. Christine hated the doctor and her mother. She had to go through many procedures and it was around 2am when she was shown her room. The hospital was like the changi maximum security prision cells. The place was locked up. Even if you had the bar codes and passwords and you tried to escape, you probably wouldnt have made it out as it was so complicated. Christine was then put under the "NZ Law" and she told her mum "if i ever come out... dont think i'll ever talk to you again..." and her mum just looked away. At this point of time, i can see how frightened and scared christine's mum must have been. But through christine's eyes, her life was a nightmare. Living in the hospital was horrible. They locked everything up. Many things happened in the hospital... there was many blood tests, "counselling sessions", doctor talks, and the most horrible thing was they kept asking her to eat. She refused to eat anything and they forced her to drink "super trim milk". It had been around 4 months since christine drank anything other than water so the "super trim milk" tasted like "extremely fat milk" to her and she spat it right out, shouting and screaming at the nurses that they were trying to make her fat.
To cut a long story short, christine was later discharged from hospital, and she felt happy that she had fooled the nurses and doctors. During her time in the hospital, christine thought long and hard about her life. Or maybe she didnt, but one thing was clear, this time when she tried to take her life, it would work. She wouldnt end up in some horrible hospital with injections again. When she got back home, she returned to her room and cried and slept the whole day. She still refused to eat and she carefully planned the day when she would do it. She still continued to go online, and when she did, she saw her hero. She told him about being admitted to hospital. Out of all the others, he was the one that stayed. He was the one that really took care of her. He was the one that really understood everything. When the day came for her to really do it, something happened. It sounded stupid to her later on, but she heard God talking to her. Throughout the whole day, he kept telling her not to do it. He kept telling her that if she really did it this time, there would be no turning back. This would be the end of the line for her. Isnt this what christine wanted? She should have been happy. Instead, she didnt know what to feel. By that time she heard his voice, she was so numb with pain and was so weak, she didnt know what to do. In the end, she believed that she really heard God speaking to her and she didnt take her life. But why? She really wondered. Why would God make her suffer so much? Why all this pain? Why? There were so many un-answered questions. She believed that her hero was indeed a miracle sent by God but in the end, it was God himself that spoke to her.
Many things happened after, and in dec 2004, christine moved back to singapore with her family. She had an awesome year as she had changed alot from her past. She was no longer the girl people used to know. She definitely still liked to do some things, but much of her thinking was changed. She turned 15, and enjoyed her life. She loved her friends very much and she played hard and studied hard. She was proud of her rewards and even got a job at mcdonalds. Her life rawked in 2005. She was glad she had put her past behind her. Although sometimes the anorexic behaviour returned, she was happy and she was able to overcome it.
In the beginning, she thought of her hero as her "older brother". She only thought of him as a hero - someone that saved and took care of her. She didnt intend on falling in love with him. She was proud of her hero but her feelings never went any further than he being her hero. As Christmas came nearer in 2004, she had a christmas wish and by that time, another boyfriend. She didnt love her boyfriend, she didnt know why. She only liked him as a friend. But since she wanted someone to love her like she loved --------, she accepted him. Her christmas wish was that during christmas, she would find the one she loved and he would hug her in front of the biggest christmas tree in orchard rd. She imagined that day many times and hoped that whoever hugged me would be someone she loved. She tried imagining that guy would be her boyfriend however, the dream was not as nice after. She then realised she had to end the relationship since she had no feelings for him. After ending the relationship, she felt numb again as she realised that her christmas wish probably would not come true. However, when that day really came, it turned out that the guy she really loved was her hero. She just did not realise it as she did not have sweaty palms and she didnt stutter when she went out with him therefore she thought she didnt love him however, it was only after her friend said "you love him so much that's why you are so comfortable in his presence." and she realised that it was true. she was so open and myself when she was with him that she didnt realise how much she loved him. In the end, he was the guy that fulfilled her christmas wish. He hugged her in front of the biggest tree in orchard rd and she remembered how happy she was. At that moment, to have her christmas wish come true, was indeed a miracle and a dream come true. And the guy that hugged her was indeed someone that she loved very much. After he hugged her in front of the tree, he told her to close her eyes. When she did, he kissed her. It was such a sweet and romantic christmas. (:
After christine met her hero, she then realised what it was like to really love and cherish someone. It was amazing. She felt things that she had never felt before. She thought of him all the time. She never thought of any other guys, and she was faithful to the one she loved. She realised why it was so difficult for her to fall in love with someone in the past. It was because the person that she fell for had to be someone that had all the qualities that her hero had. Someone that understood her, someone that was patient, someone that was funny, everything that he was. She just loved him very very much. The moment she fell for him, everything changed. She changed for the better. She studied hard, she didnt do anything bad, and she was a good girl. She experienced what it was like to be truly in love. She just loved everything about him.
Love is when an angel kisses your soul and passion captures your heart.
*~Love is when you miss him even before he leaves
When you could listen to him talk all night
And never get tired of his voice
When the sound of his name sends chills down your spine
And you see his smile the second you close your eyes.
And this is how her fairy tale ends:
She moved back to NZ to study in 2006 where she studied in a good school and played hard and studied hard. She made lots of friends there and was just as happy as in Singapore. ALthough she missed her hero and her friends in Singapore, she was able to continue her life being happy. After 2 years, she graduated to the University of Auckland where she studied what she wanted and become a success.
After some time, she was successful in whatever she did, and she became a millionaire just like her parents and she fulfilled her dreams of sending her parents to europe for the third time for a 6 month holiday. She loved her family very much and she loved her friends very much. Her hero and her continued to keep in contact all these years. Even though they had their quarrels and stuff, they continued to love and care for each other very much. She was so happy to have found someone like him. When she turned 25, they got married. She was a happy woman and she had a loving husband and a great family. And they all lived happily ever after.
i wonder why girls believe so much in fairy tales. could it be because when we were little girls, we read stories of how prince charming always found his princess and they lived happily ever after.
with loves; christine
5:04 PM
