Thursday, January 12, 2006
the last 2 days i spent with you was just blissful. i love you so much. how can i leave for new zealand now? its going to be so hard to part. i almost cried on the way home last night. being in your arms is the best feeling in the world. on tuesday we spent the whole day together. its a day i'll never forget. on wednesday you took leave off work and picked me up at the rehab centre. so sweet <3 i cant wait to meet you tonight. i really love you. i promise that when i m in new zealand, nothing bad will happen. i'll love you forever baby. <3
i didnt have much clothes, you gave me your jacket. wearing your jacket; i'll be yours forever.
im leaving for bangkok tomorrow. 13-18. non-stop shopping! hehehehe!! cant wait! i have so much to buy!! hahaha oh and i forgot to mention, i bought a new mp3 player the other day. my parents bought it for me. microphoto. its damn nice. i love it~! 8 GB, can put thousands of photos (yes, can you believe) and songs . we went around and looked for cheaper prices. cost $390. its really nice. (:
i have to buy alot of things to prepare me for my time in new zealand. my parents are also in a mad rush to clean up the house. we're going to rent or sell my maplewoods condo!! i wanna rent!! not sell! *wails i love maplewoods (:
i did my 2006 New year's resolutions and i did promise myself that i will be happy in new zealand as i am in singapore. he believes in me. many people are supporting me from behind. and most importantly, i believe in myself to be the best i can be.
i know how heartbreaking and painful it is to walk through the changi gates while your loved ones are behind watching you leave. i experienced it last year and it is something that can really break your spirit. i know i will experience it soon, probably even worse now since i have gotten closer to my friends, family and of course, him. i do not know what God has in store for me but whatever it is, i pray that when i walk through those gates, i pray that he will be with me, and that i will have the courage and strength to do so.
dear god,
im scared. im so scared of what will happen. how will i adapt to my surroundings in new zealand with my new school and everything. mom has blood in her urine. the doctor says it could be cos of many reasons, including cancer. she has to go for many tests to find out the cause of it. im so worried for her. if it is anything serious, she will also have to stay behind in singapore with my dad and sis and i will be put in homestay for awhile in nz. i hope you will watch over my mom and i pray that nothing bad will happen.
im also scared about starting in a new school again. i wouldnt know anyone there! what if no one likes me? what if i dont make any new friends? i know chad said to forget what happened at howick college and start life afresh in elim christian college and i know that i can do it too. its just that im worried how people will be. will it be as lonely and depressing as it was last year? i really pray that this time you will take good care of me and not let anything happen. i also pray about my diet. i pray that when i return to nz this time, i will not starve myself and i will not harm my body. i already promised myself that. its just that when i was ther last year, all i could think about was starving myself.
lastly, i pray for the most important thing that has been haunting me. i really dont know how im going to survive without him, my family, my friends, everyone. they mean the world to me. things there are just so... different. in singapore i have my hp with me all the time. if there's anything wrong, i can just call anyone (most likely i'll call him ) and things would be okay. i feel safe. protected. security. it feels like home. it doesnt there. i'll have to say goodbye to quality tim sum, good jap food, i'll even have to say goodbye to sushi tei!! i love that place. i love everything about singapore.
i have to tell myself that the main reason im going there is cos of my education. its so stressful in singapore. i studied sec 3 here, i think its insane. it gets even worse in sec 4. i know my friends in sec sch are suffering and im glad you gave me this opportunity to study overseas. it is something not everyone gets. thank you god. but please, please help me when i leave singapore. i need you. in jesus most precious name, amen.
with loves; christine
3:29 PM
