sweet 18

blog closed

2008-04-11T18:54:00.000+08:00

hello, this blog is closed.

it has been closed for years . :S

michelle

2007-04-27T20:06:00.000+08:00

michelle taught me the real meaning of innocent and true laughter,
she is a friend i will remember and cherish forever

our vocab:
goshness
gosh
omg
oh my freaking goodness
oh my freaking goodness man
baboon

:)

:)

2007-03-30T18:42:00.000+08:00

had calculus part 1 exam today.
stats exam on mon.
calculus part 2 on tues.

I love you Jesus

SIngapore 2006

2007-03-16T17:46:00.000+08:00

my holiday in Singapore was one of the best times in my life. i will never forget all the memories and the fun times i had in SG with my loved ones. and you know what. this blogger stinks cos i uploaded more pics but only a few actually came out. so whatever. this blog is closed anyway.
hmm. i miss everything i did in SG! really.

some of the things i miss the most are...
love
family
friends
3am suppers
insane buffets
shopping, shopping, shopping! omg. i spent so much f-ing money! omg. lols.
bought soo many things. but it was the best time of my life, really.
handphone
hot weather
i rebonded my hair! :)
reverlasting

huge crabs.
lots of food
lots of clothes
lip gloss, rings, braclets, necklaces, shoes, slippers, ear-rings, hairbands, hairties, jeans, pants, shorts, sweat pants, track pants, shirts, jackets, long sleeved tops, weather clothing, gloves, winter socks, cups, files, pens, new handphone, handphone accessories, nailpolish, eye lip make up remover, cotton wool, national skin centre, pimple cream, pimple wash, mirrors, hairbrushes, combs, presents from loved ones, ang pao money, hair products, kipling pencilcase! yay. i so love it.

underwater world
night safari
sentosa

omg. amazing memories.

k anyway.
this year.
last year of college.
next year
university!
we're all applying for the ones we wanna go to.
my subs:
chemistry
economics
calculus
statistics
accounting

chiong year. hahah.

my cast is off. really pray that its alright.

everyone's studying like shit. haha. well, at least i think so.
bcom and ba.
my university of choice.

ohh yeah. (:

roti pratas, bedok.
pastamania.

kopi .! i miss you
chinese new year.
cindy! <3
neoprint mania.
picture mania.

walks to the esplanade.
mos, dxo, baby face. haha. eagle knows what i mean(:

i miss the shopping and food, for goodness sake.

totally loves it.

bye

pics

2007-03-16T16:07:00.000+08:00

more pics yay!

2006-11-14T21:26:00.000+08:00

more pics! :)

2006-11-14T21:04:00.000+08:00

december is coming!

2006-11-14T19:37:00.000+08:00

today was the last day of school.. amazing. how time really flies. another year seemed to have gone by again. i still remember on the 31st of december 2005, i was at the esplanade with my loves partying and celebrating the fireworks and the new year.. i remember thinking "wow.. 2006! a brand new year and more challenges for me to overcome"
i was supposed to sit for the olevels, but things changed and i migrated back to nz.. nice coming back here! (:
k well anyway
school was sad today.. last day of school and everyone was hugging n stuff.. :(
im sooo gonna miss all my friends n all the people that arent coming back to elim next year.. we're all gonna miss u soo much!! ahhhhh

so many things happened this year..

i remember all the fun times, the stress, the new girl kinda thing, getting used to the system here, getting used to my new school, making new friends and becoming good friends with them, becoming real close to my friends, lunch, dinner, botany, movies, nandos, macs, fireworks, best friend outings, omg so many frigging sleepovers wif kim!! lols!, insane make up sessions, gym, school, opc camp, fights, some assholes (haha), bitch fights, silly fights, omg the frigging water fight !!!

ahahahha. you know me and a few other people (dun worry i wont name you) (: got the year 12 common room banned cos of a water fight we created and did !!!! omg wtf right.
hahah anyway this is such a super long story.. bottom line was someone sold us out n we had to apoglogise in front of the entire year 12 for causing their common room to get banned.. hahaha.. i still remember this man...

breaking glass in chem class
screaming and laughing all the time with m1 and r1;)
chatting non-stop with t1 all da time :P
screwing around multimedia with l1, t2 and b1..
always nice to see a1 during interval n lunch n all..:) (no classes wif ya.. aww)
stupid silly english classes with s1
crazyyyy economic classes with m1 and c1 (m1 doesnt study at all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

as u can see, im not gonna use ppl's names here.. hehe. dont ask me why. geez.

newayz..
omg school's ova !!! :'(
omg omg omg omg omg omg

dancing !!!!!!
hi sexy! :)
baboon baboon baboon baboon
poking!!

i invaded elim with baboons and poking!! hahahahhaha. its so freakin funny. k anywayz the other day i promoted laureen to leader baboon of the canterbury tribe!

soo many people are leaving man.

fights with teachers are over

hugged my form teacher today. she's going back to uni to finish her masters so she wont really be around next year. boo hoo.

and like t1 and t2 were walking me to my dad's car and like i was hugging them and saying stuff like wo ai ni !! (which is "i love you" in chinese) and stuff..

and u kno since free txting's over, we have the txt2000 (pay $10 and txt 2000 txtes)
so yeah tracy txted me back saying " wo ye hen ai ni " ( i love you very much too)
awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. so sweet okay. my heart literally felt warm when she said that ! ahhhh. then we were chatting bout othter stuff.

those nights at oxygen
that night at performing arts
that night at nandos
that get together at my place
botany trips; shopping and movies

omgomgomgomg

and t1 and me sneaked into the cinemas and got caught haha.. heaps of shit.
hmmm
m1 and l1 and me tried to sneak in but got caught.
best friend and me sneaked in to watch click, superman, pirates and a few other movies.. haha.. didnt get caught :)
but yeah i stopped doing it cos it was getting pretty risky especially if they see my familiar face too much yea..

holiday trips
new camera

pammy and korkor came down
went to rotorua
the luge!
saw baby kiwis

omg and our crazy arcade game.. whenever i go to queenstreet wif mah friends, we always go crazy over that game!!!!!!!!!!! *screams its da bomb!!

6am late nights
5am late nights
4am usual nights

8.15am - waking up big trouble
8.30am - rushing to get to school

haha..

skipping assembly
hiding in the toilet

or get denention!!
which im proud to say, i only got like 20-30 denention slips this year! yeahhhh man!
thats real good aye!!!

omg yeah another time

yea. language change.

different way of speaking here. but of cos i loooove my SG accent! :)

and best friend's like coolness. whatever trevour!
and im like yayness. shut up spaulding! OMG HHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH

k some sweet messages i jus wanna keep.

"wo ye ai ni :) I want to come back but its too expensive :( I will miss you alot too"

"eh.trying to make me cry isit. I don’t like graduations. I don’t like leaving"

hhahah i thought this was damn funny!! lols.

- awww!! Thts really sweet! Its funi 2 thnk bac lyk so long ago wen we ddnt tlk mch n nw we tlk al da tym! Wer lyk sisters nw! hehe. Its so kwl.
- Aww hehe thanx!! :D yea I thnk we jst get along really wel n ur so sweet n thts da kinda frnd I want! Hehe. - But nw shes a total bitch n im so glad I hav u! ur a realy gud frnd! :)

omg that was sooooo sweet girl. <33 hhehehe

"Its nice to have a friend to talk to all the time, sharing all your secrets with someone true and kind. Such a special person who makes everything worthwhile, and everytime you’re with me You always make me smile."

the year's over, school's over, all the girl and bitch fights are like gone?? hahaha. hugs, autograph books, pictures, lip gloss.

trouble for my skirt that they said was "too short" whatever man.
omg. got into trouble with the principal at the beginning of the year. omg this was something to definitely think bout yeah man.

hmmm. got into trouble for my hair ties.

trouble with nails.

trouble with "illegal" jackets. wtf man.

lols!

but now when i look back, i had a fantastic year!

although coming to nz did set a whole new lot of challenges and obstacles, im glad to say i have overcome them and i m happy here! :D hehe.

and i've done well in my exams! so happy haha.

well ncea in 2 weeks. gonna study real hard. hmmm. aj's coming down this sunday. yayness. long time no see cousin. (:

chem, math, econs tuition.
injections.
blood tests.
horrible migraines.
pimples due to climate change. fcuking horrible this one.
cracked lips.
dry skin.
free txting weekends madness.
pool with best friend.
dominos - funky chicken!
hell's pizza.

tiredness.
insaneness.
baboon crazy stunts.

birthday parties.

city trips.
burger fuel.
free ice creams at mac.
beginning of the year nervousness.

omg.
sickness.
flu
cough
sore throat
migraines
trips to the doctor
insane lateness. really insane ones.
absence in school
some stuff i wanna forget. !

today i was txting

as we go on, we remember, all the times we, had together, and as our lives change, one another, we will still be, friends forever(:

aww damn sad okay. i soooo love that song.
this year has been full of madness madness madness.

and i created 2 movies! hahahhaha. one of oh shit elim and happy sweet16 best friend

hahhah

me and eagle

this year has been great for us
although we cant see each other
our love is strong
talk everyday
miss him so much.

phillipines.
thailand.
malaysia.
indonesia.

yes.

OMG. SERIOUSLY OMG NOW . OMG OMG OMG OMG NOW

I SOOOOOO LOVE PRISON BREAK. EVERYONE SHOULD SERIOSULY WATCH THIS SHOW. ITS DA BOMB MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVE IT!! ahhhh
its like sooooo good!! im totally hooked on it. sister intoduced me to it. watched it all on her com. currently i've watched finished season 2, episode 7. omg cant wait for the next one!! *screams

embarrassing situations in school
smart trips back and forth
smart short cuts, path ways

gym gym gym

it was hard to adjust.
i had the best math tutor in singapore, the best chem teacher (school), and the best chem tutor too. hard to adjust for olevel stuff to suddenly alevel stuff.
i got over it, worked hard and made my way to the top! (:

am really glad to have met m1 in chem class yeah. we have so much fun!
rmb mrs n and heromine and karen always laugh n comment bout how fast we talk!! lols!!!

trouble with the deputy principal
haha.
got over it, he's nice now. (:

trouble with the boys dm,
got over it, he's real nice now.(: (this was during opc period)

slight trouble with senior teacher,
very minor trouble. she had a misunderstand with me. its all good now(:

omg. big fight with a primary school teacher. all her fcuking fault. geez. i didnt get into trouble in the end.

trouble with alex . hah. lols. long time over.

omg
i so miss michelle my cousin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
k see i put ur name here babe. haha. she's like flying back from sydney with rachel, mark, aunty jen and uncle tony! yayness. hmmmm. we're sooo gonna party like shiet man.

all my friends from aus are going back to sg end of this yr! fr. perth, mel, sydney n all. yay!!!!!!!!

big awesome blow out party in singapore

omg so much stuff i cant wait to do with eagle n friends

eagle's brand new resort, friends, food, shopping, buy new cell, mrt, trains, wild wild wet, sentosa, sakae sushi buffet, vivo city, swimming, maplewoods, kopi, shen pi gu , screaming, hugging, photos, neoprints, movies, eating and shopping!! ahhh
soo many things man. gosh.

n guess what.
i just got promoted to president baboon! so its no more cheif, its president !
and i promoted l1 to leader baboon the other day.

awe ~ so touched boo hoo mus increase banana for wage
ur title should be president .. no more chief

from a certain someone. HAHA. damn funny

coolness. so spaulding!!!
i'm president now. haha.

well
2007 is coming
a brand new year
it sounds and looks so... foreign and new
mysterious and unknown
strange and unfamiliar

hmmm

welcome 2007!

dec is coming!
exams in 2 weeks!
cousins all coming!
aus and nz ppl all returning to SG!
christmas is coming!
new year's day coming!
2007 is coming!

brand new goals
brand new expectations

next yr my subs tough man.
calculus, stats, economics, ict and accouting .

bam.

after next yr
auckland uni !!

damn fast man.

and i thought i was doing olevels this year. yeah right, my butt.

lols.

omg yea, skiing. def something memorable. white lovely snow mountains. long distance phone calls everyday. webcam . mp3. camera. water.

love you all(:

hi

2006-11-07T09:58:00.000+08:00

hi
long time no see
christmas is coming
i'm going home soon

i miss my hero
i miss my friends
i miss home

:D:D

i cant wait for christmas!

exams in 3 weeks, cousin coming in 2 weeks, rest of cousins coming in 3 weeks. yay.
haha dunno lah.. i miss lah-ing too. and omg u kno what? the other day i was talking to my SG friend and when she said "siao", i realised i havent heard that word for ages!! omg.. lols. k whatever.

i'm coming home soon! (: loves

organic chem

2006-09-07T18:53:00.000+08:00

Organic Chemistry

Hydrocarbons – simplest organic compounds containing only hydrogen and carbon atoms

Alkanes – contain C-C single bonds (saturated)
Alkenes – have one or more C = C double covalent bonds (unsaturated)
Alkynes – have one or more C = C triple covalent bonds (unsaturated)

Functional grps – influence the chemical behaviour of a compound (changes its properties)

Alkanes
- CnH n+
- No functional grp
- Forms homologous series
- Saturated compounds
- Angles of 109 between the bonds (tetrahedral)

Prefix: ane
(n = number of carbon atoms)

Homologous series – a series of organic compounds that builds up by increasing by the same grp each time

Straight Chain Alkanes
1. meth methane
2. eth ethane
3. prop propane
4. but butane
5. pent pentane
6. hex hexane
7. hept heptane
8. oct octane
9. non nonane
10. dec decane

Molecular formula – gives information about the type and number of atoms present in a substance
Structural formula – shows how atoms are joined together
Condensed structural formula – represent large organic compounds

Large alkanes usually have all the CH grps collected together and written in brackets with a number

Structural isomers – same atoms but arranged differently
Branched chain structure/straight chain structure – alkanes with more than 3 carbon atoms
Parent chain – longest chain of carbon atoms
Branch chain – smaller chain of carbon atoms
Alkyl grps – branch chains (named after respective alkane, but with -yl instead of -ane)

Naming branched chain alkanes
1. Identify parent chain (name with suffix –ane)
2. Identify branch chain(s)
3. Count the number of carbons in a branch chain. Name branch by using appropriate prefix and adding –yl
4. Identify the position of the branch by numbering from the end of the parent chain which gives the branch the lowest possible number
5. Write full name as branch position, “hyphen”, branch name then parent name

If there are several identical branches on a parent chain, the position of each branch is numbered separately, and the branch names are written together using the following prefixes:
di – 2 identical branches
tri – 3 identical branches
tetra – 4 identical branches

If there are several different branches on a parent chain, they are written in alphabetical order.
If two different grps are attached in equivalent places on the same molecule, then the lower number is given to the grp which comes first alphabetically
If an organic molecule contains a branch which can only go in 1 position, then the branch number is omitted (dropped)

Cycloalkanes - alkanes with 3 or more carbons which form rings/cyclic structures
- CnH
- Higher mp and bp of alkanes
Prefix: cyclo

Physical properties of alkanes
- colourless
- non polar (insoluble in water)
- have densities less than water (float on water)
- dissolve in each other
- do not conduct electricity or heat (no delocalised electrons)
- mp and bp increase as length of carbon chain increases
- often used as solvents/grease removers
- very good fuels

At room temp alkanes with:
1) 1 – 4 carbon --- gases
2) 5 – 15 carbon -- liquids
3) 15 carbons ++ ---- soft, waxy solids

- smaller liquid alkane molecules are volatile (they become gases when heated)- volatile hydrocarbons readily ignite because plenty of vapour is available to burn

Chemical properties
Combustion (burning) (eg. Alkane + oxygen)
- water is always a product

Complete combustion – when there is lots of oxygen and carbon dioxide is produced
- flame is hot (blue flame) and clean burning (no soot)

Incomplete combustion – limited oxygen supply and CO or C (soot) will form (or a mixture of both)
- burning is incomplete
- flame may be yellow

Substitution
- alkanes undergo substitution reactions with halogens (eg. Chlorine, bromine)

Substitution reactions involve:
- loss of hydrogen from chain – involves breaking a C-H bond
- replacement of lost hydrogen by chlorine/bromine
- catalyst present (usually ultraviolet [UV] from sunlight)

- As bromine is used in substitution reactions, it decolourises [the brown colour of bromine disappears] (since bromine is ‘used up’)

Haloalkanes – halogens substituted into alkanes

Atom Name used in haloalkane
1) Bromine bromo
2) Chlorine chloro
3) Fluorine fluoro
4) Iodine iodo

- haloalkanes are named in the same way as alkanes (alphabetical order for names)

Classifying haloalkanes
1. Primary – chlorine atom is attached to a carbon atom which itself is only attached to one carbon atom
2. Secondary – chlorine atom is attached to a carbon atom which is itself attached to 2 carbon atoms
3. Tertiary – chlorine atom is attached to a carbon atom which is itself attached to 3 carbon atoms

Alkenes – hydrocarbons containing a carbon-carbon double bond (C=C)

Alkenes:
- CnH n
- Functional grp is a double bond (C=C)
- Forms a homologous series
- Unsaturated
- Angles of 120 between the bonds

Suffix: ene
- The first member of the series is ethane. (since a carbon-carbon double bond must be present, methene does not exist, only methane) Propane is the second member.
- If there are more than 3 carbons in the chain, the position of the double bond must be specified. Use a number to identify the first carbon in the double bond. The number goes between the prefix and the –ene suffix.

For branched chain alkenes:
- Parent chain contains double bond
- Position of double bond must be identified by numbering the chain from whichever end gives the double bond the lowest number

Naming branched chain alkenes:
1. Identify and name the parent chain
2. Identify the position of the double bond
3. Identify any branch chains and their positions
4. Name the molecule – branch position, branch name, parent name and double bond position

Cycloalkenes:
- CnH

Eg. Cyclohexene:
Cyclo - in a ring
Hex - 6 carbons
Ene - double bond

Geometric Isomers
- exist for alkenes that have different groups attached to both of the carbon atoms that form the double bond

1. Cis isomers – same grps are on same side of double bond
2. Trans isomers – same grps are on different side of double bond

Geometric isomerism exists because free rotation around the carbon-carbon double bond cannot occur, fixing the position in space of the grps attached to the carbon atoms of the double bond

Example: Cis and Trans isomers of but-2-ene
But-2-ene is the simplest alkene to have geometric isomers

Symmetrical alkenes have the same grps/atoms attached to 1 of the 2 carbons of the double bond
- Symmetrical alkenes do not exhibit geometric isomerism
(Hydrogen does not take part in any of geometric isomerism)

Why geometrical isomerism is only exhibited by some alkenes and is never found in alkanes

Physical properties
- non polar (insoluble in water and other polar solvents)
- good solvents for non-polar molecules
- increase in mp and bp as Molar mass/chain length increases
- float on water

Room temp (25 C) ----- ethane, propene, butane are gases
Larger alkenes - liquids

Chemical properties
1. Combustion reactions for alkenes are the same as alkanes only that alkenes do not burn as cleanly as alkanes and produce a yellow, sooty flame

2. Addition Reactions - breaking the double bond to produce a single carbon-carbon bond and 2 new single covalent bonds (reactions occurring at the double bond)

1. Hydrogenation
2. Halogenation
3. Hydration

1. Hydrogenation – 2 hydrogen atoms ‘adds across the double bond’ of the alkene to form an alkane
- catalyst is used (usually either nickel @ 150 C or platinum @ room temp [25 C])

2. Halogenation – 2 halogen atoms ‘adds across the double bond’ (usually Cl or Br)

- Bromine used to test for unsaturation because bromine loses its orange-brown colour as it reacts with alkenes.
- Loss of colour can be used to determine the rate of reaction and distinguish alkenes from alkanes

- Alkenes react without requiring a catalyst, whereas alkanes require sunlight and react slowly

- Chlorine reacts more rapidly than bromine [in addition reactions0

- Dibromo is used to indicate 2 bromine atoms. The positions on carbon 1 and carbon 2 of the 2 bromine atoms must be specified for the product toe show the bromine atoms are on different carbon atoms

- Alkenes react with hydrogen halides (eg. HCl, HBr)

forming
Hydration – alkenes react with steam (H 0) ---------- alcohol
- used for industrial preparation of ethanol
- reaction takes place when concentrated sulfuric acid is added to ethane and the mixture is then diluted with water

Addition to unsymmetrical alkenes
Unsymmetrical alkane – one that has different grps attached to 1 of them in the 2 carbon atoms of the double covalent bond

- the addition of HCl or H-OH (water) to an unsymmetrical alkene produces 2 possible product:
1. one product is produced to a greater extent (major product)
2. minor product

Markovnikov’s rule – (Rule for determining which the major product is) ---- the hydrogen atom from HCl or H-OH will bond to the carbon atom in the double bond that has the most hydrogens'

Oxidation reactions
- alkenes undergo an oxidation reaction (gain oxygen) when reacted with acidified potassium permanganate (H /MnO -)
- Purple-colour permanganate decolourises as colourless manganese (Mn ) ions form.

Unbalanced equation:
CH = CH + H /MnO ------------------ CH – CH + Mn

- Addition process used as a test for the presence of double bonds
- Alkanes do not react with potassium permanganate
- Rapid colour change between acidified potassium permanganate and unsaturated molecules

Polymers
- large organic molecules (macromolecules)

Monomers
– small organic molecules

Polymerisation – polymers form when monomers join together by covalent bonds

As polymer chain length grows:
- chaines become more tangled
- number of intermolecular forces increase
- mp increases
- polymer become stronger

Addition of polymerization

Alkynes – hydrocarbons which contain a carbon-carbon triple bond (C==C)
1. C H
2. Functional grp – triple bond (C=C)
3. homologous series
4. unsaturated compounds
5. carbon atoms in linear arrangement

Ethyne (acetylene)
Suffix: -yne
Parent chain: longest chain which contains the triple bond

Preparation of Ethyne

CaC (s) + 2H 0( ) --------- C H (g) + Ca(OH) (s)

- water must be added gradually to control this vigorous reaction [ethyne collected by downward displacement of water]

Reactions of ethyne:
- addition reactions occur when alkynes react with: bromine or hydrogen

1. One reacting molecule adds to the alkyne. Triple bond becomes double bond. Substituted alkene produced.
2. Another reacting molecule adds to substituted alkene producing a saturated product. Double bond becomes single bond.

Reaction of ethyne + chlorine forms carbon rather than 1,1,2,2-tetrachloroethane

H-C=C-H(g) + Cl (g) ------ 2C (s) + 2HCl (g)

- reaction is explosive

Alcohols
- organic compounds which contain hydroxyl (OH) functional grp
1. C H
2. Functional grp –OH
3. Forms homologous series
4. Saturated compounds

Naming alcohols
- Replace the final –e in the corresponding alkane with –ol, giving alkanol.
First 2 alcohols: methanol and ethanol

- position of hydroxyl grp must be indicated in the names for alcohols with 3 or more carbons
- hydroxyl grp in the alcohol with 3 carbons can either be on the middle carbon or the first/end carbon

1. Identify the parent chain (longest chain with the OH grp attached)
2. Identify branch chains
3. Number so the OH grp has lowest possible number. Give the position of branches.
4. Write full name as: branch positions, hyphen, branch names, parent name, OH position

Polyalcohols – alcohols with more than 1 OH functional grp

-ol suffix becomes diol for 2 hydroxyl grps and triol for 3 hydroxyl grps

Eg. Of polyalcohols

1. Propane- 1,2,3-triol (glycerol, glycerine) --- viscous liquid used in hand lotions, photography

H H H

H C C C H

OH OH OH

Used as
3. Ethane- 1,2-diol --------- antifreeze in car radiators

Classifying alcohols
1. Primary – OH grp attached to a carbon which itself is attached to 1 carbon
2. Secondary – OH grp attached to a carbon which itself is attached to 2 carbons
3. Tertiary – OH grp attached to a carbon which itself is attached to 3 carbons

Physical properties
- colourless
- mp and bp higher than alkenes because alcohols form hydrogen bonds between molecules (which are stronger than the forces between alkane molecules)
- bp increase when size of molecules increase because more intermolecular forces present
- straight chain alcohols have higher bp than branched chain alcohols
- Small alcohol molecules (less than 4 carbons) -- soluble in water
- Length of non-polar carbon chain becomes larger, alcohol molecules become less soluble because polarity decreases
- Solubility due to OH grp
- OH grp is polar due to the high electronegativity of oxygen

Alcohols with:
Less than 7 carbons --- liquids at room temp (25 C)
- small alcohols are more volatile than larger alcohols

Chemical properties:
- Combustion (same as hydrocarbons)
- Oxidation

Oxidants:
1. Acidified potassium dichromate, Cr O /H (orange to green)
2. Acidified potassium permanganate, MnO /H (purple to colourless)

Primary alcohols are oxidised and forms -- carboxylic acids
Ethanoic acid (acetic acid)

Eg.
1. Methanol oxidises to methanoic acid
2. propan-1-ol oxidises to propanoic acid
3. butan-1-ol oxidises to butanoic acid

Carboxylic Acids – contain COOH functional grp
1. Formula R-COOH (R represents hydrocarbon chain/alkyl grp)
2. Functional grp -- COOH
3. Forms homologous series
4. weak acids
5. acidic

- Functional grp is always at the end or beginning

- replace the ending-e with –oic acid

Naming carboxylic acids:
1. identify parent chain (longest carbon chain with COOH attached to the end)
- The C of COOH is always carbon 1
2. identify branch chain
3. identify position of branches
4. write full name as: branch position – branch name and parent name, acid

Eg.

1. Methanoic acid HCOOH
2. Ethanoic acid CH COOH

Physical properties:
- small carboxylic acids (low molecular mass) - soluble in water because COOH grp is polar due to high electronegativity of the 2 oxygen atoms
- solubility of acids decrease as non-polar carbon chain length increases
- colourless liquids or white solids at room temp.
- higher mp and bp than hydrocarbons and alcohols because of their increased molar mass and their ability to form strong hydrogen bonds

Short-chain carboxylic acids --- strong, unpleasant odours
Higher mass (lower volatility) carboxylic acids are less smelly
- Smell of rancid butter caused by butanoic acid

1. Ions formed from carboxylic acids are named by replacing the –ic acid by –ate

Eg. Ethanoic acid ---- ethanoate ions
Methanoic acid ---- methanoate ions

Solutions of carboxylic acids will:
1. turn blue litmus -- red
2. conducts electricity (sufficient number of ions are present and free to move)
forming
3. reacts slowly with metals ------ hydrogen gas
2H (aq) + Mg(s) -- Mg (aq) + H (g)
forming
4. reacts with bases (neutralisation reaction) -------- water
CH COOH (aq) + OH (aq) ----------- CH COO (aq) + H O( )
forming
5. reacts with carbonates and hydrogen carbonates -------- water + carbon dioxide
2CH COOH + CO -- 2CH COO + H 0
CH COOH + HCO ---- CH COO + H 0 + CO (g)

produce
Acid reactions with metals, bases, carbonates ------- organic salts. These salts disappear as crystalline solids when the aqueous solution is evaporated

Eg.
Magnesium + ethanoic acid ----------- magnesium ethanoate + hydrogen gas

Mg + 2CH COOH --- (CH COO) Mg + H (g)

Esters – organic compounds with the formula R-C-O-R [R and R are alkyl grps]

O
1. C H O
2. Functional grp -- COO
3. Forms homologous series
4. gives off a sweet smell when formed

Most esters are:
- oily volatile liquids
- very slightly soluble in water because they are slightly polar

Esterification - Carboxylic acids + alcohols ----- esters (example of a condensation reaction) because OH (part of an acid) and the H (part of the hydroxyl grp) [alcohol] combine to form water (as a product)

R-C-OH + R------OH ------ R-C-O-R + H 0
------
O O

Carboxylic acid + alcohol -----> ester + water
-----

- reaction is reversible as ester can react with water, producing acid + alcohol again

Dehydrating agent – removes water from esterification

- addition of concentrated sulfuric acid increases the amount of ester formed by preventing the backward reaction from occurring (concentration H SO ) acts as a catalyst and dehydrating agent, removing water from reaction mixture

Naming esters:
1. ‘Split’ the molecule in 2 about –O-
2. name the part identifying the alcohol (part with –O- grp) by replacing –ane of the alkane with –yl
3. name the part identifying the acid identified by replacing –ane of the alkane with –oate

4. Place the alcohol derived part (-yl part) before the acid part (-oate part)

When writing equations:
1. write carboxylic acids first
2. write alcohols second

When naming esters:
1. Write alcohols first
2. Write carboxylic acids second

Hydrolysis of Esters – ‘reverse’ of esterification and results in the ester molecule being split apart

Presence of acid catalyst - carboxylic acid + alcohol formed
In basic conditions, alcohol + carboxylate ion, RCOO will be formed

Sources and uses of esters:
- most esters occur naturally
- have pleasant fruity smells
- found in flowers and fruits

Fatty acids – carboxylic acids with long hydrocarbon chains containing even numbers of carbon atoms

- Fatty acids can be represented as RCOOH (R stands for long chain)

Esters of fatty acids --- fats and oils

Fats:
- Soft solids @ room temp.
- saturated compounds
- found in animals
(eg. Stearic acid)

- Stearic acid is a saturated fatty acid because the long hydrocarbon chain has no double bonds between any carbon atoms

- Oleic acid is an unsaturated fatty acid because it contains a double bond between carbons 9 and 10

Oils:
- liquids @ room temp.
- unsaturated compounds
- come from plant sources (eg. Seeds, nuts, berries)

Polyunsaturated fatty acids ---- fatty acids with more than 1 double bond (from plant sources)

Triglycerides
- occur naturally as oils in seeds, nuts, berries, fats

1 glycerol molecule + 3 fatty acid molecules (by ester linkages) -------- triglycerides
- These ester linkages arise because alcohol grps on the glycerol react in an esterification reaction with the COOH grps of fatty acids

Glycerol tristearate is a triglyceride formed from the esterification reaction between glycerol and 3 stearic acid molecules

Soap

Saponification -- soap is formed when NaOH + triglyceride molecules ------ sodium salts
- reverse of esterification
- OH ions break ester linkages to form fatty acid anions and glycerol (as a by-product)
- As the mixture cools, the sodium cations from NaOH and fatty acid anions from triglyceride combine to form soap. The hydrocarbon chains (R, R’ and R””) determine the type of soap produced
- If KOH is used instead of NaOH, soft liquid soaps are produced

toot ?

2006-05-27T23:52:00.000+08:00

happy birthday to me! (:

2006-02-02T01:27:00.000+08:00

im 16 years old!! hahaha offically!! hehehhe
can you believe time flies by so fast
it seems like only yesterday when i was so excited about turning 15
and now im 16!! hahhaha (:

happy birthday to me
happy birthday to me
happy birthday dear christine
happy birthday to me!! (:

okay here's what i've been doing!!

on tuesday the cresswell family had one last reunion dinner before i return to singapore (:
pammy gave me this blue hair dye a few years ago so i just put some on; it was really light, but just for fun (:

had a great dinner (:
well at the reunion dinner we were talking shit, as usual and having a good time (:

hahahha funny stuff. (:

we were still hungry after the dinner so we went over to swensens!! (: ordered fries and a giant earthquake (8 scoops of icecream) for us! (:
mmmm.. it tasted so good! we were all rushing for the food! hahaha having so much laughing and playing
the dry ice had all the smoke coming out and my cousins added water, mayo, sauce, icecream, everything they could find into the thing! hahahha it had bubbles and more smoke coming out!! we were all laughing and screaming!!

took pics!! (: this will definitely a time all of us will remember

after we said our final goodbyes, we went back home. kinda sad. i will really miss them. after all, they're family. <3

before i went for the cresswell reunion dinner, my family headed over to korkor and jikor's house for laksa!! its a family traditation. we got there around 1.30pm. really late. the laksa was gooooooood! (: ate 2 bowls. hehehehhe

took more pics with black!! i really love her. she's such a sweetie pie. really really love her. will see her in dec soon. hope she will be fine. (: can tell that she's old but i really really love her!! she's my dog best friend (:

korkor wrote in my autograph bk!! jikor was supposed to write too, but she left the house. :(

was really very tired.

oh guess what else happened. my mum got my singtel line back. good.

im 16 years old!! hahahhaha soooo happY! (:

oh yes, guess what else happened? i've now a christian! (: i accepted christ today!

heaven is having a party for me now (:

i love God and im happy i've finally done it (: im part of God's family

after that i went for my exercise at the rehab centre. last exercise there. my personal trainer wasnt there today cos she's off for chinese new year so this other trainer took over. he was a complete dumbass. he was like a clown playing with the equipment. i was really really pissed with him. i dont want my parents to pay some dumb idiot $70 an hour for him to fool around with the equipment so i made sure i did my exercises the way my personal trainer taught me. heh.

after that i had to see the doc to see a check up on my bones and body. he said i was doing great! (:

and i made a complaint about that clown. he said that it was his first day here. and i was like "oh okay." so i was like one of the guinea pigs lar. and that clown kept smiling at me. like non--stop. for no reason. it was so stupid.

after that i met eagle!! (: we had lots of fun today. i love you so much baby. <3
see you tomorrow! we're going to celebrate my birthday tomorrow!! (: hehehhe . or should i say later? cos its 2.18am now. oh shit. and i have to wake up at 8am tomorrow. arrrgh. so fooking early. meeting shen pi gu at 10am at tiong bahru plaza! (:

happy birthday to me!!!!!!
im 16!!!!!!!!! (:

whooooo!

listening to these 2 songs now

Said my niggas don't dance,
we just pull up our pants and,
Do the Roc-away.
Now lean back, lean back, lean back, lean back.
I said my niggas don't dance,
See we just pull up our pants and,
Do the Roc-away.
Now lean back, lean back, lean back, lean back.

Rock your body, mic check 1, 2
Becuase it ain't a party til my crew run through
Shake some body, show me what you can do - like Ohhh, Ohhh
Rock your body, mic check 1, 2
DJ spin the needle, rock into the groove
Bump it louder so the crowd wanna move - like Ohhh, Ohhh

hahhaa. was talking to eagle and dancing.

okay im really really tired now. goodnight (:

hello

2006-01-30T15:44:00.000+08:00

hello! (:
today i went visting again. went to uncle johnny's house for lunch. the food was alright. nice cake (:

i slept at 3am last night. am really really tired. came back home after the supermarket and coffee trip and i want to sleep.
but first let me say, i received really nice birthday presents! (:

mr wong gave me a guess wallet! (: my parents bought me the microphoto mp3 (: kaikee gave me a disney cup with my name written on it! and it has a mirror!! hehehe so nice sis qian and steph gave me a disney cup too, but this one is bigger and a slice of nice chocolate cake. (: some presents im not sure who gave them to me but i love them very much too. i received a really really nice princess kind of necklace and i really love it!!! <3 steph gave me 2 necklaces for my christmas present. so sweet!! si qian gave me lux body shower and a doll keychain for my christmas present. i also got this photo kind of frame but it had some friend words on it. i dunno how to describe and i dunno who gave it to me but i like it very much too! someone also gave me another cup !! rui xiang bought me a beanie baby soft toy!! soooo nice!! and my other pal bought me a singapore beanie baby soft toy!! it has the singapore flag on it!! ahhh! soooooo cute!! <3 kor also gave me a nice braclet with my name on it!! denise gave me a necklace and ear-rings and cherie gave me ear-rings too!! hehehe so nice!! trish gave me something from charles and keith and hui yian gave me this bead thing!! jamess gave me the baby bugs soft toy!! ahh so cute!! ah ming gave me this giant pacifier with marshmellows, notes, stars, 2 lollies and a letter inside! she even wrapped the the giant pacifer all by herself! her present is so sweet! must have taken alot of effort! hahaha i love it!! <3

okay im really really tired. need to sleep now. im not going out later. have to stay home and pack my room and then play computer games!! (:

eagle, come home soon. i miss you.

goodnight

happy chinese new year (:

2006-01-30T01:36:00.000+08:00

hello!! long time no see (:
its been such a long time since i've blogged. really didnt have the time since i came back from thailand. anyway, here's the update on my life! =)

okay i kinda have to rush thru this cos its 1.40am and i have to sleep cos im so fcuking tired and tomorrow i have to wake up at 11am!! ahh. so early!!

ok the trip to bangkok was great! (: i had so much fun shopping!! hahah thats it yeahh.. shopping! and of cos, eating! hahah i spent quite alot of cash there. heh. but stuff there is so cheap! i bought 6 dvds.! meet the fockers, kingdom of heaven, white chicks, yu-gi-oh (i like that show!), spongebob squarepants and harry potter. it has good quality and its only $4 for a dvd! SO CHEAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i also bought 3 music cds there. (: hip hop, dance and fort minor. (: hehehe i also bought alot of facial stuff there; 6 clean and clear moisturizers, 3 toners, 2 olay, 2 overnight and a nivea body lotion. its much cheaper there since its made in thailand. (: i also bought shorts and nice singlets! (:

i bought 2 really nice jackets there! the first was a $100 roxy jacket and the second was a $30 black jacket. both are really nice. (: love them! i also bought 2 track pants to suit the weather in new zealand!! hehhehe its so much cheaper there!! (: i also bought a few nice tees. okay, i know this is kinda stupid cos everyone's like playing xbox and dota now but i bought 2 new gameboy mario games! hahaha i still like my gameboy very much and since its much cheaper in thailand, i bought them! (: i tested them too and it was fine.

i went shopping and eating the whole time and had loads of fun! by the way, the guys in thailand have a way of staring at you in such a manner that you feel so uncomfortable in their presence. i mean, they just keep staring. like up and down your body and even when you stare back, they dont look away. i was like wth. and like when i was walking, guys in their motorbikes would actually stop by me and stare at me. can you believe that! its like you feel so naked when they're staring at you. and those guys in their motorbikes with those helmets that you cant see where they're looking? yeah, i hate those. they travel in packs of like 10-20 and when you have to cross the road, you actually feel them staring at you but you dont know for sure. and i dont think you wanna stare back at them either in case you create trouble. heh.

but i have to say that the girls in thailand are very nice. even though they dont speak english well, they still make effort to communicate with you. even those girls selling satay or beef noodles by the street! there was a period of time when i went out on my own cos i had to find some music cds (the day i was leaving bangkok) and i was in a mad rush as these people sell illegal cds and they only come out at night in a place called 'papong'. it was like mission impossible but i refused to give up as i searched the streets for any sign for any illegal venders. when i was lost, i asked those girls on the streets and they were really very polite and friendly towards me. (: when i was buying bras with my mom, the salegirls were really nice too. when i wasnt sure about buying anything, i would tell the salesgirl that i m not sure and that i would think about it and they would be smiling away and saying "its ok!" or something really polite. do that in singapore and the salesgirl would give you a black face. see what i mean? and they always greet you by saying "seewahdeeka" hahah i dunno how to spell but thats what they say. its really nice lar. (:

i also went to the underwater world!! hahah it was so fun!! seeing all the sharks and fishes! (: i love seeing marine life. although sometimes its a little scary seeing those huge sharks and fishes, its still really fun!! hehehe nothing much to say about this just that i really loved it!! soooooo fun!!!! (:

okay. on the last night in thailand, me, my sis and my dad went to papong to look for some stuff. however, there was a police raid so all those illegal venders selling all those fake dvds and music cds all went hiding and we just couldnt find any. and i mean we couldnt find any. i was so disappointed. i mean, of all nights, why that night?

but i recongnized the guys that we bought the good quality dvds from the first night i was in bangkok so i went over and asked them why they werent selling any dvds. they told me there was a police raid. so then my sis and i told him what dvds we wanted and arranged a special price and he called his friend and told him the dvds we wanted. we waited around 20mins before the guy showed up. when he did, we ran into a nearby shop and paid him. the police were watching them tats why they had to be really careful. dangerous work huh? heh. special order you know? (: its interesting to see another part of the world and what other people do for a living. so in the end, we got what we wanted. (:

i also wanted to take some pics of the girls dancing in the nightclubs, but my parents didnt want me to. they said that i would get whacked. the girls were pole dancing and were wearing only their bras and panties. they look so slutty and disgusting. as we were walking, many guys and some women kept asking us to watcch the 'shows' inside. they kept pushing this piece of paper into our faces. i read and saw the "shows". disgusting lar. wah lao. i was like wth. lots of stuff on the paper i also didnt understand so when i came back to singapore, i asked him. it was also kinda funny, cos they kept asking my dad to go in and i kept laughing and laughing thats why they kept asking even more! hahha

okok. its 2am. enough of thailand. anyway, i had really great time there! (: hahah

the sleepover went great! (: had lots of fun. we slept around 5am++ and then the next morning i had to wake up early to go for my exercise at the rehab centre. sebastian was there watching me do the leg thing and after that he was like 'you can only do 1?! i can do 8!" hahaha after that we bought some bread from bread talk and headed to marina square. we bought macs and watched memoirs. after that, i went home and changed cos i had a chinese reunion dinner.

my mother cut off my singel handphone line cos i forgot to call her at the sleepover. i think shes a bitch for doing it, seriously. i love her, but sometimes she can really be a bitch. i was really pissed at her and lots of shit happened after. im not gonna talk about what happened. anyway the bottom line is, im gonna get a hi card. heh. for the next week. im leaving on sat, 4th feb. :( i dont wanna go. i'll miss him and all my friends and singapore so much!

how can rabbit live without eagle?

somebody needs you
like never before
somebody wants your love
baby open the door
dont you leave me alone
dont you turn off the light
somebody wants you
somebody needs you tonight

oh yeahh, i also went to the backstreet boys concert! (: I had free tickets from aunty susan. $130 per ticket. (: good seats! had a great time with sebastian there. it was romantic.. cos of the love songs.. nick carter is fat. he has a belly. heh. it was really nice seeing the backstreet boys live. i used to like them very much but now im alright. still, i appreciate their music. (:

I'll be the one, I'll be the one
Who will make all your sorrows undone
I'll be the light, I'll be the light
When you feel like there's nowhere to run
I'll be the one

There you were, wild and free
Reaching out like you needed me
A helping hand to make it right
I am holding you all through the night

You need me like I need you
We can share our dreams comin' true
I can show you what true love means
Just take my hand, baby please

I'll be the one
I'll be the light
Where you can run
To make it alright
I'll be the one
I'll be the light
Where you can run

so romantic. (:

i went back to yusof ishak secondary school for the last time!! i went there on friday to take pics and say goodbye to friends. (: that day it was some cross country thing so school ended around 10.30am for them. got there around 11am and took pics!! hehehe so happy!! met amah,steph,si qian,sharon,nani,marinah,syzailah,jin yu,kok,edward,air pollution,max,austin,jun hao,jamess,kanageek and mirna. took pics!!! hahah but it was sad for me too cos it would be some time before i can see these great pals again! mr.wong and mr.goh also joined us to take pics! hahah

after taking pics, me,amah,steph,si qian,min hui and rach were supposed to go out and celebrate my bday lunch but rach hurt her leg so i met her later at the bus stop. max,jun hao,edward,kok and jin yu joined us for the movie. we watched i not stupid too! its so funny! but so sad also. =( me and amah were crying! hahah
we ate at sakae sushi but only me,steph,si qian and amah ate there. we were kinda rushing, heh.

met rachel and yi quan at the bus stop later. rach why didnt you come earlier! you stupid, stupid baboon. im gonna miss ya.

after the movie, i went back home and quickly got some stuff i forgot to get earlier and headed to *********************! hahah will not put anymore for that day.

i also took pics of me and kopi!! gonna miss her so much!! <3 i love kopi

okay. fast foward. its 2.25am.

have been visting!! received lots of ang pahos. (: i was supposed to get my hi card today, but didnt have the time. for lunch i went to korkor and jikor's house and ate popiah! took pics with black and pammy too! (: i love black so much. she's such a sweetie pie. <3

we stayed there till around 5.30pm and then headed over to amah's house. ate dinner there. yummy! (: all my cousins and relatives from the cresswell family were there. (:

played with my cousins!! gonna miss them so much too! <3

when it got dark, me, caroline, brian, darrel, leon and sean went downstairs and played with sparklers. there were 100 sticks. had fun lighting them up and writing words in the air. and my naughty cousins were also throwing them into trees and bushes and stuff like that. i also threw one stick at darrel - and it touched his butt! waahha he started screaming cos he thought his butt was on fire. =/ hahah

after that we played catching and we were hiding behind the cars and stuff. heh. it was so fun! (: at one point i was hiding behind the van with leon and sean and suddenly they were running away? i was like wth. then i started to walk out and that was when brian came running after me!! i screamed!!!!!!!! ahh. hahha. memories that will not be forgotten. (:

my parents and aunties and uncles were gambling upstairs. (: aj didnt join us in playing the sparklers, so when we got back i asked him to write in my autograph bk again. (: after that we were chatting about life and stuff. had a great time.

oh i forgot to say this.

happy chinese new year!
gong xi fa cai!
ruan shi ru yi!
xing nain qua le!!

hahaha (:

after i got home i started packing some clothes and stuff. i have to clean out my entire room by 3rd feb cos im leaving on the 4th. ohmygosh. its like so soon. :(

dota is fun!! have been playing at cineleisure! (: i like to use bone clitz. hahahha but when eagle plays with me, he cheats! he kills me! wah lao! hahahha

i feel really sad that im leaving singapore but then again, i must be grateful for the opportunity to study overseas! (:
after i finish doing university, i will do my master either in australia or new zealand. its still a long time. (: but think of it this way, when i go back, i'll be year 12, then year 13 which is my last year of college. after that i enter university! (: fast right?

sebastian is now on holiday! he's in indonesia.. come back soon sebastian!! (:

i miss eagle so much. that night was the first night i said 'i love you' to his face. its the first time i've ever said 'i love you' to someone and meant it. now when i truly love the person and i say 'i love you', its amazing. really. love is amazing. the way it makes you feel.

i've never had a dream come true
till the day i found you

eagle, we will be able to overcome the obstacles in our relationship as i move back to new zealand. a long distance relationship requires a lot of love, communication, trust and faith. i know we can get through this. i love you very much and i know you do too. we have the foundation. we have the backgrounds. we have what it takes. i promise you, everything will be fine. i love you <3

i celebrated my birthday lunch with my family at crystal jade at takashimaya. the food was great! (: i really love eating there. hehehe. ordered so much!! but i loved it (:

my birthday is on 2 feb! coming up soon! (:

my private bash will be with eagle on the day itself. (: cant wait.

its hard to say goodbye
i dont know why
sometimes life turns out funny
but no matter what
we're gonna get through this
cos our love is strong

*~ i love you eagle

alright. its 2.50am. have to sleep now. goodnight (:

the times we share

2006-01-12T15:29:00.000+08:00

the last 2 days i spent with you was just blissful. i love you so much. how can i leave for new zealand now? its going to be so hard to part. i almost cried on the way home last night. being in your arms is the best feeling in the world. on tuesday we spent the whole day together. its a day i'll never forget. on wednesday you took leave off work and picked me up at the rehab centre. so sweet <3 i cant wait to meet you tonight. i really love you. i promise that when i m in new zealand, nothing bad will happen. i'll love you forever baby. <3
i didnt have much clothes, you gave me your jacket. wearing your jacket; i'll be yours forever.

im leaving for bangkok tomorrow. 13-18. non-stop shopping! hehehehe!! cant wait! i have so much to buy!! hahaha oh and i forgot to mention, i bought a new mp3 player the other day. my parents bought it for me. microphoto. its damn nice. i love it~! 8 GB, can put thousands of photos (yes, can you believe) and songs . we went around and looked for cheaper prices. cost $390. its really nice. (:

i have to buy alot of things to prepare me for my time in new zealand. my parents are also in a mad rush to clean up the house. we're going to rent or sell my maplewoods condo!! i wanna rent!! not sell! *wails i love maplewoods (:

i did my 2006 New year's resolutions and i did promise myself that i will be happy in new zealand as i am in singapore. he believes in me. many people are supporting me from behind. and most importantly, i believe in myself to be the best i can be.

i know how heartbreaking and painful it is to walk through the changi gates while your loved ones are behind watching you leave. i experienced it last year and it is something that can really break your spirit. i know i will experience it soon, probably even worse now since i have gotten closer to my friends, family and of course, him. i do not know what God has in store for me but whatever it is, i pray that when i walk through those gates, i pray that he will be with me, and that i will have the courage and strength to do so.

dear god,
im scared. im so scared of what will happen. how will i adapt to my surroundings in new zealand with my new school and everything. mom has blood in her urine. the doctor says it could be cos of many reasons, including cancer. she has to go for many tests to find out the cause of it. im so worried for her. if it is anything serious, she will also have to stay behind in singapore with my dad and sis and i will be put in homestay for awhile in nz. i hope you will watch over my mom and i pray that nothing bad will happen.
im also scared about starting in a new school again. i wouldnt know anyone there! what if no one likes me? what if i dont make any new friends? i know chad said to forget what happened at howick college and start life afresh in elim christian college and i know that i can do it too. its just that im worried how people will be. will it be as lonely and depressing as it was last year? i really pray that this time you will take good care of me and not let anything happen. i also pray about my diet. i pray that when i return to nz this time, i will not starve myself and i will not harm my body. i already promised myself that. its just that when i was ther last year, all i could think about was starving myself.
lastly, i pray for the most important thing that has been haunting me. i really dont know how im going to survive without him, my family, my friends, everyone. they mean the world to me. things there are just so... different. in singapore i have my hp with me all the time. if there's anything wrong, i can just call anyone (most likely i'll call him ) and things would be okay. i feel safe. protected. security. it feels like home. it doesnt there. i'll have to say goodbye to quality tim sum, good jap food, i'll even have to say goodbye to sushi tei!! i love that place. i love everything about singapore.
i have to tell myself that the main reason im going there is cos of my education. its so stressful in singapore. i studied sec 3 here, i think its insane. it gets even worse in sec 4. i know my friends in sec sch are suffering and im glad you gave me this opportunity to study overseas. it is something not everyone gets. thank you god. but please, please help me when i leave singapore. i need you. in jesus most precious name, amen.

my sweet 16th birthday party (:

2006-01-08T22:31:00.000+08:00

wow.. last night i had the best sweet 16th birthday party ever! (: hahah. i dun even know how to describe it man! heh. ok well denise and cherie came over to my place around 4pm and helped me set up the stuff - like bringing the balloons and the food and all that stuff down. around 5 kok chuan and benjamin came over and they helped us bring more stuff down. the dj, wilson, came around 5.30pm and my mom had to sign the invoice and all. he set up his stuff too and started playing music. hahah the sound system was damn nice. 'power'! hahahh. i closed the curtains around the function room. people started coming in around 6.30pm to 7pm. around 7.30pm to 8pm guess who showed up. surprise surprise! haha. ivan lim, ivan chew, melvin, austin, all those people came. trishala, hui yian and tracy also turned up which was pretty nice as i hadnt seen them for quite some time. (: nic, jie xin and kim came earlier. steph and si qian showed up when we were playing musical chairs. LOL. all of us needed an icebreaker since no one was really dancing yet so we played that game and i told wilson to play the indian song. hahha. it was damn funny. the last 2 people left were me and jamess. guess who won? me! hahaha. damn fun lar. after that, people ate and danced too. sebastian was chatting with aj and kee tat dyed his hair golden. there were 2 times that i thought he was maxime! hahah. and maxime bought me a cake too! it was yummy! so i had 2 cakes! (: heheh. on the night before the party, i was actually kinda disappointed cos some people told me they couldnt make it cos they had no money or they made up some shit so i expected less than 30 people on the day itself but it turned out to be around 40+. heh (: and nic was so cute. she was like "christine. you wanna dance right. just look at me. dance" hahaha it was damn funny lar. around 9pm + we cut the 2 cakes and they sang me both english and chinese songs and just when i finished blowing out the candles, i forgot to call the most important people down - my parents! ahhhhhh. so i quickly called them down and we did the whole happy birthday to you thing again! hahahah. its really special for me, turning 16. significant number (: the songs the dj played was great. the lights were great too. (: he was mixing them really well. and guess what - 2 mad crazy chicks showed up! brought by max. they club alot so we danced with them too. we played the indian song again and their moves were really funny. i loved it when the dj mixed the songs like usher - yeah, and snoop dawg and my humps and all those things. the music was loud and the beat was just right. the security guard told us a few times to keep it down, but it was alright after awhile. (: nicky is really good at dancing.hahha just like a dancing queen. there wasnt enough food and drinks too. everything was sold out. hahhaha. when people started leaving the place when it was nearing 12am, the dancing queens and i were still there so we danced for ourselves. hahahha. when wilson played 50 cent - just a lil bit, i went up to sebastian and started dancing in front of him and it was so funny cos he started dancing in front of me too! hahahah. it was damn fun lar. and oh ya, we also had those party sprays and we all sprayed each other! haahhahha. the floor was so dirty after that lar. and the boys kept popping the balloons. anyway, at the last part, sebastian started breakdancing and all the girls were cheering for him! hahah of course icheered for him too, but you have to understand, i was a little jealous so when they came up to him, i stood in front of him. hahahha. he's my hero, so when he needs me i have to be his 'protector' too. get it? hahahha (: anyway, im really really very very tired so im going to end it now. i had alot of fun for my sweet 16th birthday party. it turned out great. (: and i received many lovely presents. really very nice. (: when the party was over, i walked sebastian outside so he could get the bus and i went back in with aj and he helped me clean up. my parents came down after that too (: aj stayed the night over at my place. when we went back to my place, he helped me fix my computer while i looked at the pics and i took a shower. after i made sure he took a shower, both of us watched one more chance on my other computer while i ate the remaining fried rice and chicken wings. i barely got to eat or drink all night!! i was eating dinner at 3 in the morning. wth. hahaha. anyway we slept around 5am and he had to go to church the next day so he woke up around 8am and he came back to the room to wake me up. we chatted for abit before he had to go. (: had a really nice party. i cant believe it. im turning 16 !!! (:

welcome 2006!

2006-01-05T00:07:00.000+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! (:
hhhhaah wow so much stuff has happened!! well its 2006! i cant believe a year has passed by so fast. it seems like only yesterday when i looked at my calendar and it was jan and i flipped to dec and told myself that a year would go by very quickly. i just didnt expect it go by so fast. not saying it was easy, but i had loads of fun this year. from going back to yusof, making friends and seeing my good pals again, adjusting to the whole new system, doing chem and math tys like hell, hahah dunno lah. everything seemed to have just flew past. then i got a job at mac and worked twice a week, 3 hours at a time and although it was tiring it was really so fun! hahaha really. but then i had to quit cos of exams and no time, blah. it also caused a hell lot of conflict between me and my parents. anyway. i fought, i cried, i laughed, i played, i studied, i worked, i partied, i shopped, i enjoyed my 2005 life in singapore!!! hahaha so welcome 2006! i turn 16! hahahah
well i had a great countdown!!! (: was at the esplanade till round 3 am and i got sprayed like hell. heh. but it was really damn fun!! hahaha i really enjoyed myself (: school has started for those studying in singapore. hahaha. i m going to burn all my worksheets and textbooks! heheheh. (: im glad i can stop studying all that social studies stuff. had to memorize essays about iceland and britain and about the 70% fish stocks decrease blah blah blah. heh. i dont have to study all those anymore!
2005 was a new year for me, to adjust back to the singapore system and enjoy my 15 year old life !!
2006 brings a whole new year for me as well, cos i have to adjust back to the new zealand system and start fresh all over again. but i promise myself it will be very different from last year, and that i will be as happy as i am in singapore. (:
oh ya, i started playing warcraft dota. =) hahaha. and i <3 my hero. gtg now. dont have much time to blog in singapore, alot of things to do. hahaha and im lovin it! (:

MERRY CHRISTMAS

2005-12-25T14:36:00.000+08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAVE A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

wow! today's CHRISTMAS DAY! one year has passed by so quickly! it seems like only yesterday when i was so excited about turning 15 and im going to turn 16 soon! hahahha well im really so happy its christmas! - the birth of Jesus Christ
well, so much has happened. i've returned to SINGAPORE!! (: really so happy. on the 20th of dec around 8.10pm, singapore was shaking with excitement as my plane touched Singapore. (: Singapore's number 1 loyal fan has returned! hahahha
well im definitely enjoying singapore (: orchard is crazy!
okaY what has been happening?? i've been going out and shopping! oh gosh i love shopping so much! on thursday i spent over $300 with my parents! (: hahahha hmm well what did i buy? my parents bought these new brown pants for $25 cos it was 50% discount and another white pants for $50 cos it was 10% discount. hahahha. then i bought new black slippers!! it was $30 but cos there was 15% discount it was $25. hahha. they're so pretty! then i bought a new nike waterbottle. then i bought sebastian's present!! hahha kinda personal so i cant said what i bought for him =P then i bought my mom perfume, body lotion and gel from the body shop. i also bought my sister a mini-skirt. (: and i bought my dad this metal handphone chair from takashimaya. body shop also had another offer. if you spend $30 or more on make-up, you get a free lip gloss worth $19.90 and eyeshadow which costs $16.90. my mom has the body shop card so i got 10% discount and i bought all the new stuff! (: hahhaa my sis bought me new pink slippers from urban male! (: hahaha im so happy man! shopping, eating, movies, everything! hahah this is the LIFE. know what i mean? im definitely going back to nz so im going to burn all my homework sheets, notebooks and all those stupid things i had to do this year. and im so freakin happy i dont have to study bio anymore. now that i think about it, i can hate bio man. have to memorize so much shit. really so damn * man. hahhaa im gonna burn the whole textbook. im gonna do a fire and burn everything! (: hahhaha
i also went to rach's bbq. so fun man. hahahha. i gtg soon sorry. have a christmas party later! (: too bad i cant really post pics now. heh. have so many to post. but can see all on friendster. on friday me, amah, steph, si qian,rach and anebelle also went to orchard (: hahah had so much fun eating, shopping, taking neoprints and pics! hahah and of cos, enjoying singapore (: after that they soon left and there was only amah, steph and me. we walked around orcharad and man it was so crowded! hahaha had to keep pushing and we took lots of pics! hahah after that amah also left and steph and i went to eat at sakae sushi. after eating and taking more pics, her parents picked us up and dropped me at mac KAP. i met my friends there and chatted for awhile and also returned my uniform. hahha. yesterday was christmas eve and i was supposed to go for my aunt's bbq but in the end sebastian's duty was cancelled last minute and i was so happy! the moment he msged me that his duty was cancelled i couldnt eat anymore and my stomach hurt! hahaha he made me so excited lah. exactly one year from last night was when he hugged me in front of the biggest tree in orchard rd. (: it was so romantic and it means so much to me. thats why i was so happy that we could go out!! he liked the presents i gave him!! =) my mom helped me book king kong tickets online and we met around 7pm. he treated me dinner at mos burger and we went for the movie! it was so sad lah. i cried at the end. stupid, stupid, stupid movie. i really hate that movie. what kind of people would create such a horrible show where the monkey dies in the end! ahhhh. i was so sad. arrgh. anyway, after the movie it was around 10.50pm and we walked around for abit. didnt take any pics but we did alot of talking. we went to starbucks at 12am and he ordered a drink. we talked till round 12.25pm then we went to the bus-stop and hanged out. when the bus still didnt turn up around 1am, i finally took a cab back and he took the last mrt bacck. whoa. last night at orchard was like crazy! people were spraying all ovver and the countdown was insane. the crowd could barely move! Im telling you, everyone was there. hahaha it was like insane. hahhah. and people were spraying us! like wth. hahah. anyway, i had a really good time and i gtg now. (: i cant upload any pics ahhh! but i love christmas
happy birthday jesus! MERRY CHRISTMAS <3 AND I LOVE YOU

SLEEPOVER! (:

2005-12-19T14:16:00.000+08:00

these are some pics of our sleepover! (: look at our cosy room. we were watching porn at 3am lah. it was so fun. hahahhaha. had so much fun! =)

KIM

2005-12-17T21:23:00.000+08:00

kim sleeping over at my house! its 2.40am now. we just finished a whole box of curry puffs. hahahha. LOVE YA KIM <3
KIM HERE!! Love ya too christine! u r mah sexy gal and u'll always be! i'm thirsty now..lets go get some water to drink..

headache

2005-12-16T20:19:00.000+08:00

hello. yesterday my sis, sandra and me headed to bottany! (: actually i was supposed to meet chad first so that we could chat. and the uniform shop was closed! arrrrgh. chad came over and picked me up and my sis came along so we went to the mac at bottany downs. she went shopping and since it was so crowded and noisy, we went to starbucks. we talked for around 2 hours i think. hahahha. after that i met sandra and my sis. we went shopping! then i ate tea/dinner at macs. mmmmmmmm. hahahha. then sandra ate the chinese food thingy. eeeeee. hahahaha. after that we shopped more and cheryl bought a yogurt from new zealand natural. around 6.30pm we went home and sandra came with us! i was lying down on my bed and we were just chatting. why do i like talking and laughing so much. heh. dunno why. hahahha. anyway, around 8.30pm my parents wanted to go out and eat so we went to this chinese restaurant and ordered crispy noodles, fried rice and beef! (: delicious. after that we went back home and sandra went online while i played my computer game! i defeated yuri! hahaha. ok nevermind. around 11pm sandra went home.
i have a very bad headache now. i went shopping the whole day but i dunno why i have such a bad headache now.
we were fighting alot. over many stupid stuff. it has got me very emotional and sensitive to many things around me. si qian, if you ever read this, im sorry that i yelled at you the other day. i was just having a very rough night. i talked to him just now, and things seem to be better. i want to treasure all the time i have with him until i leave for good next year. im really going to miss him very much. :(

someone perfect (:

2005-12-13T19:53:00.000+08:00

someone who will be there for me when I need him.. someone who will dry my tears.. someone that knows everyone makes mistakes.. someone who is patient with me.. someone that understands me.. someone with compassion.. someone whom I have a ‘connection’ with.. someone that looks at me like im the most beautiful girl in the world.. someone who will be by my side.. someone that will take care of me.. someone that cares about me.. someone that will come to the beach with me to play in the sand and look at the stars.. someone that will miss me more than I miss him.. someone that will rush out of work or school just to see me.. someone who will travel overseas with me.. someone that will hug me when I need a hug.. someone that will call me just to say ‘I miss you’.. someone that will listen to my problems.. someone that will protect me.. someone that will take care of me when I m sick.. someone that will bring me to the nicest places in the world.. someone that will travel on the mrt for more than an hour to bring me a plate of ‘beef hor fun’ if I m craving.. someone that will come out in the middle of the night to have supper with me.. someone that does not reject my calls.. someone that forgives me.. someone to not cheat on me.. someone to know that when I really fall in love with him, I will love him forever.. someone that is sweet.. someone who will give in to me at times.. someone who is gentle with me.. someone who will defend me and stay by my side.. someone who will come out very early in the morning to have breakfast with me.. someone who will make me happy.. someone that will call me after a fight.. someone who will apologise.. someone who will appreciate me.. someone that will love me for just the way I am.. someone who will appreciate me.. someone who keeps his promises.. someone who will love me more than I love him.. someone that will be faithful.. someone that will be honest with me.. someone that will love me forever

someone perfect (:

new blog! amah help me (:

2005-12-13T18:52:00.000+08:00

okay first of all, amah helped me do my blog! its so nice now! thanks so much amah! you rawk! <3

yesterday my sis had to hand in her application form for university so we headed to queenstreet. (: had a nice lunch at this jap restaurant. it was really, really nice. hahahha. after lunch we did the university thing. oh ya, i forgot to mention this. my parents parked at skycity and i always sit on the right hand side in the backseat. so he parked so near to the pillar. u know the carpark pillar. and i always just open the door a little bit and squeeze out. the opening was really small this time, but i was too lazy to go out the other way. so i squeezed out as usual but this time my sneaker got caught in the door cos of my legs. ahh. so i fell down. and i didnt move for a few seconds for fear something had happened to my bones. you know how soft they are =/ my mom rushed over to help me and then they slowly pulled me up. my dad was really upset that i fell down cos he gets really upset when we get hurt. and he was really stressed about it. there was the initial shock and pain of cos, but after awhile it was okay. im really lucky i wasnt hurt. (:
alright. well after doing the university thing, oh wait. i forgot to mention this. heh. before we even headed to the city, we had to drive to my school first. guess what! im accepted into my school of choice! (: yeah! im so happy. no olevels and no alevels for me. although its a private and christian school and it wont be as easy as it was in howick college, it definitely wont be as hard as in Singapore. hahaha. im really going back! (: the sad thing is, i might not be able to vist singapore every year cos my parents want to travel the world again. like in singapore, we would travel to thailand, australia, united states, europe, all those fun places. but like in new zealand, if every year we only fly back to singapore then we wont get to vist other places. and i really want to go do disneyland in LA again. i went there before but i didnt get to sit the really big rides. but now i wanna go do all the different disneyworlds. except hongkong. i can sit that one out. (: hahaha. i went to the two towers in new york when i was 8. i remember how high it was and i remember when we went in, my whole family had to take pictures by the cops. lol. for safety reasons. i had lots of fun travelling overseas but its just that i'll really miss my friends and singapore and all that stuff. hahaha. okay. so i got accepted! yay! hahaha. so after the uni thing, we walked and shopped around queenstreet. (: after around 2 hours, we headed back to skycity and booked tickets for a 3.45pm show Narnia! yay! but movie tickets are way higher than in Singapore. =/ adult tickets: $17 child: $10 (when converted to SG dollar)
like what the hell. so the total cost was $53 for a movie. yeahh. wth.
anyway, it was a nice show! (: really nice. and i cant wait to watch king kong! hahaha. so after booking the tickets, we headed to the food court below and ate tea. hahaha. i had this craving for this particular bowl of noodles that my friend bought last time. so i ate it and my sis loved it too. hahaha. so after eating, we watched the 2 hour and 15min movie and then headed home. got home around 7.40pm. was real tired. (:
today i was kinda bored. i watched yu-gi-oh! its one of my favourite cartoons. hahaha. =X i think its the cartoon i like best. hahhha. and i waited for spongebob but the show never came on! =( my family went to eastern beach today! we bought KFC then drove out (: it was really nice. walking on the sand helps my toes. i really dont wanna go for an operation so i'll do anything i can to help my bones. (: i havent eaten kfc for ages. it was nice. (: and would you believe, you have to pay for chilli sauce in nz. =/ in singapore, you have so many different types of sauces and its all free.
anyway, thats what has been happening so far. (: and i love this new blog!!! hahahha

more pics at AIC (:

2005-12-11T13:30:00.000+08:00

hahaha alright. there's a pic of me and chad! he rawks! hahahha (: seriously though, he's one of the nicest people i've ever met in my entire life. whenever i see him in church, he's always smiling and he always looks so "smiley" that i cant help smiling. my mum loves to look at him during church cos of the way he plays his music instrument and the way he moves and smiles and all that. she says he makes her day. hahaha. chad and diane went on a 4 month honeymoon in the us! (: hahahha. it must have been so nice. i hope that when i meet 'the one'he will treat me like im the most beautiful girl in the world. hahha.
see that plane flying and carrying a message across?? would you believe thats kfc! what the. i was so shocked when i saw that! hahahha. what a way to advertise. and see the 'neoprint' that amah (kai kee) made!! isnt it lovely (:
i know its kinda weird that i take pics of food, but i like to eat good food. and its like, so nice lah. tats why i take pics of food. (: the steak and onion rings were my dad's and the pasta was mine. cheryl ate fish and mum drank clam chowder soup.
anyway, i had a good day today. it was fun. (:
lastly, alice went back to hong kong for a 2 month holiday this morning. i couldnt send her off but its alright. have lots of fun in hong kong alice! remember to buy me a present! (: hahaha <3

AIC church

2005-12-11T12:26:00.000+08:00

dear diary,
this is the first time i edited pics!! hahaha. really. anyway i hope i did it nicely. (: well after dad got baptised, we headed back to the room and sang songs and pastor david started preaching. like church. hahha. i still have the horrible habit of going into "off mode" when im in church so that kinda sucks. lols. but not to worry cos when i enter school in nz next year, im going to have chapel 3 times a week and scripture reading once a week. =( *wails ahhhhh. cant believe it man. lols.

dad getting baptised

2005-12-11T12:03:00.000+08:00

these are some pics of my dad getting baptised (: the AIC church pastors chad and david baptised him in the swimming pool. it was the first time i had ever seen anyone getting baptised before. when i was a baby, i was already baptised however, according to my mother, she says that i have to be baptised again for confirmation. she says i should do it when im ready. anyway what happened in the pool was that pastor david asked my dad a few questions about really accepting jesus christ into his heart. my dad said "yes" and they pushed my dad into the water. david says they push him down in that vertical manner so as to represent a tomb and they pull him up again cos christ rose from the dead. okay. i think thats right. hahaha. my mum's really happy that my dad got baptised. me too. (: love you dad <3

pics (:

2005-12-08T20:23:00.000+08:00

The first pic is my 993. 993 misses me too! <3 the following pics of food were taken in nz. (:

more pics (:

2005-12-08T20:09:00.000+08:00

chou peng working at mac booth 1! drive through! after a full day of shopping at bugis, we dropped by to give chou peng a surprise! (: see, thats the famous ah ming. hahaha. and thats another pic of me and amah sitting outside the mrt around 11pm! hahaha. we stayed in there for 3 hours! did nothing; just talked. it was lovely. <3 my amah! all singaporeans know, thats ba gua. (: and of course, my baby.

2005-12-08T17:16:00.000+08:00

dear diary,
my life in new zealand has been alright so far. sometimes i feel damn 'sian', but other times, just happy. so what have i been doing so far? hmmm...
i want more money!! ahhh hahahha. i saw this really nice roxy handbag and its $35! so it'll be $40 singapore dollars. but its really nice. and i saw this other roxy bag which is a little bigger and i can definitely use it for school in new zealand next year. (: this one is $25. they're so nice! i bought 2 new outfits yesterday. would you believe, alice went all the way to botany just to look for me and called me when she reached home 2 hours later. i was like wth. hahhaa. anyway, she's a really sweet girl. i forgot to blog about this, but on the first day i came to new zealand, i met up with angela as she was going back to malaysia the next day. we were supposed to meet at mac at 2.30pm, but she was half an hour late! anyway, i was waiting there for almost half an hour when i finally gave up. i mean really, after 15 mins i was getting really pissed and irritated but i decided to give it another 15 mins. by 3pm, i was really really pissed and i didnt know what to do as it was my first day back in new zealand! angry and irritated, i went to the stupid phone (i dont have a nz card yet), paid 70 stupid cents and called home, intending to ask my parents to pick me up when they just dropped me off. =/ instead, they werent home. oh yeah, stupid me. i forgot they were going shopping after dropping me off. i didnt even wanna walk home! i was too lazy. besides, i didnt have the house key. so i called the only other number that i knew in the whole of new zealand - alice's number. i called her and wailed, asking her what to do. she said "christine.. dont worry.. i'll come down to mac and meet you there now" and i was so happy! yay! hahahha. so i sat back down and waited for alice. when i sat down, this guy that had been staring at me for ages asked me "hey... are you ok?" and i said "im just waiting for my friend... she was supposed to meet me half an hour ago and she's so damn late" and he was like "oh okay..." then he started asking me questions like what form was i in, what school did i go to, where i lived, blah blah and i didnt want to answer him. he looekd disgusting anyway. and i dont talk to strangers. (: hhaha. anyway, i really didnt want to talk to him and i was getting more pissed by the second. THEN he said the question "hey, do you need me to drive you anywhere? cos i have a car and i can drive you.." i was like wth. another pervert man. just like those two other freaks in new zealand. just cos they have a car, they think they can go round and pick girls up and do funny things to them. i mean, im not jumping to conclusions here but really. why would you wanna drive someone around wherever they like? especially if you dont even know that person? and hello. he's like 20+. im only 15. whatever intentions he had were bad and i didnt want to find out. hahha. so i was like "errrrr... its okay. im waiting for my friend". and then he said "ok.. im gonna watch a movie by myself now... see you". lols. then he left. he was gonna watch a movie by himself? what a loser. hahaha. anyway, just when alice came, angela arrived with meslissa as well. =/ hahaha. so the 4 of us hanged out.
okay anyway that was old news.
new news! (:
alice slept over at my place! we slept at 4am. wahaha. (: i took a picture of her sleeping at 4am too. she got up, screaming at me. and she told me if i took another pic of her, she would leave the house. she also covered her face with her sleeping bag. so i decided to take another picture of her covering her face with her sleeping bag but i didnt know, that at the exact moment, she took her cover off and the camera got a full blast of her face! oh my god. it was so funny!! hahahah. i kept laughing and laughing. hahah. how would i know that at that exact moment she would take off her cover! so i have a really really nice pic. (: hahahha. and she was lik really pissed with me.
i was at k mart yesterday and guess who i saw! emily! hahaha (: it was a year since i last saw her. she' working at k mart now and still at howick college. she gave me her cellphone number and home number and told me to call her so that we could hang out before i fly back to Singapore. hahah. we also played pool! i actually dont play pool but here it's so boring and xtreme's near my place so we played pool 3 times. it only cost $2 and we keep treating each other. hahaha. would you believe, i won 3 games! hahaha. for a person that doesnt play pool, i think i played really well. hahahha. im also beginning to think im a pro. hahaha. just kidding.
today when we were hanging out at the top roof, we saw 3 korean guys. she was like "its albert's friend... remember?" and i suddenly remembered and said "oh! the guy rulin likes!" wahahha. i turned around and saw eric. he was smoking. hahaha. he didnt recongnize me but i think he recongnized alice. i was like "hey eric. remember me?" and he got such a shock. hahaha. his mouth literally dropped open. alice was laughing hard-out. we ate lunch at the food court in the middle of botany. pasta and sushi. she ordered potatoes. mmm. it was nice. (: she's going back to hong kong this sat. hahaha. kim's gonna stay over at my place. =) and her mum works in queenstreet so we can hang there too. =)
by the way, i think i've found the school that i wanna go to. its called elim christian college. its also a private school but its only $2000 a year whereas ACG is $20 000 a year. my parents say "its up to me" and i feel really grateful that they're letting me choose where i wanna go. it means alot to me. anyway, elim christian college is more of a school whereas ACG is more like a university. firstly, ACG is in the city and that means that every morning i have to wake up at 6am to get ready, leave the house by 7am, and catch the 7.15am bus to queenstreet. from there i can either walk to school or take the free city bus since school starts at 8.30am. however, the each subject period is 85 mins which is really long. school also ends at 4.45pm and i'll have to catch the 5.30pm bus which means that i'll be home around 6.30pm. and i wanna work too so if i have school that intense everyday, i'll be too tired to work. and ACG is a really really stressful school, its like being in RGS in Singapore. so whats the point of leaving stressful singapore and come to another stressful school in new zealand? i might as well stay in singapore right? they have a 98% percentage of students going to university in ACG and in elim christian college its 70%. but really, all you have to do is study hard and you'll definitely enter university. that has always been my goal since i was a kid. not really a goal i guess, but it's just natural to me since everyone around me is going to university. besides, now-a-days in life, where can you go without a proper degree? anyway, elim christian college is more of a school and they take care of their students. ACG pushes you really hard just to keep their standard. in ACG, you can wear whatever clothes you want of course, but not beach wear. in elim, there's school uniform. and you have to tie your hair! wth. i like letting down my hair. when i heard you have to tie your hair in elim, i told my mom that i didnt wanna go there. she was like "what! you want me to pay $20 000 just so that you can let down your hair?" hahaha. it was really funny. but they're letting me choose. moreover, elim christian college is a christian school and they do pray with students just mgs is a methodist school. the reason students only have to pay $2000 is because most of the fees are paid by the church since its a christian school if not the fees would be around $18 500 as well. plus elim is nearer my house so my parents can drive me to school and pick me up everyday as well. the transportation in new zealand definitely has to change, really. anyway, i think i've made my decision. all i have to do now is pray and think. (:
lastly, tomorrow this girl that will be going to elim christian college in year 13 will be coming to my house with her parents tomorrow. she's from singapore and she just moved to new zealand as well. anyway, if i enter elim christian college, i'll be doing Year 12. the subs i'll be doing are english, math, chem, economics and multi-media. elim christian college does NCEA.
if i go to ACG, i'll be taking eng, math, chem, business studies and economics. as you can see, i want to take media studies in university so multi media will have a little background. hahha. life has been good. although i miss Singapore very much, its comforting to know that i'll be seeing Singapore on the 20th of dec. (:

you and me

2005-12-05T12:42:00.000+08:00

its just you and me
and all of the people
and i dont know why
i cant keep my eyes off you

<3 hero

a fairy tale

2005-12-03T17:04:00.000+08:00

Once upon a time, there lived a girl named christine. This story starts when she was 14 years old. Christine was blessed with good and loving parents, a lovely home, and good friends however, she did not understand much about the world and adored gangsters and she did not take guys' feelings seriously. It was very easy to become her boyfriend if you were sweet and nice to her and if you did all those romantic things couples do, but it was very difficult to become someone she really loved. Christine had not met any boy she loved before so to her, love was like a game. She did not understand why she couldnt love just anyone. In 2004, she moved to New Zealand and life changed for her. She had to adapt to racism, suicidal thoughts, an eating disorder, and the horrible feeling of being lonely and cut out from her world. It was the lowest point in her life and this lasted for a very long time. Fortunately, she met an angel - her hero. When she first talked to him, it was nothing other than a simple "hello" but that "hello" blossomed into a beautiful friendship. He was like no other guy she had ever seen. He was patient, kind, sweet, loving, understanding, caring, and most of all, he seemed to understand everything she felt. Since she had nothing better to do, she would wait for her to go online and when he did, she would feel a strange surge of happiness and comfort. It was like her saviour had arrived. It was like someone was taking care of her. Christine was frightened of the world she now lived in as it had scarred her badly. However, her hero changed her life. He spent countless hours talking to her and explaining things to her that no other normal person would have. In the beginning, he barely knew her, but from the moment she started to know him, she realised that he did care alot for her. It was amazing and she didnt know how to describe it. Even though he could not heal the wounds on her, he had saved her many times, mostly from herself. She was extremely grateful and she knew that he was a miracle. One of the things that she loved most about him was that he seemed to know what she was thinking about most of the time. She had never felt more open or more close to anyone she ever knew. Her hero was a good guy and he started to change her life. He taught her what gangsters really did, what alcohol and smoking really does to young girls, he used examples of his past to help her; he explained everything that she wanted to know. Christine was also heartbroken because of a guy ******** that broke her heart and she desperately needed someone to be by her side as she had really loved that guy. The good thing was that she met her hero a few months before -------- broke her heart and he was there for her. He seemed to know so much about love and he really helped her to heal her broken heart. They say "God can heal a broken heart, but he must have all the pieces". But how exactly do you "give God all the broken pieces?" What must you do in order for God to heal you? And how? How do you concentrate on something else when all you feel is pain? So many questions haunted her sick and tired mind and she knew what she had to do. It was her last resort - nothing else could help her. After months of starvation, crying, endless counselling, harming her body, hurting herself, she felt dead. She felt as if she was able to stand in front of the road and let a car hit her. She wasnt afraid of death anymore. Christine continued to write in her journal, but it meant nothing else to her anymore. Her parents were worried and frightened, so were her friends, but what else could she do? She had a horrible broken heart that was tortured everyday, everytime she looked in the mirror she saw a fat and ugly girl that should have been killed a long time ago, everyday she went to school she was frightened of the racist remarks of other people, she was tired of hiding in the shadows, she was tired of crying everyday and all the time. She was tired of sitting and staring into space for ages. She was tired of everything. She didnt even have the permission to sit, for standing meant burning more calories. She was trapped. She wanted to end it. All her other friends couldnt numb her pain. She was in a daze. It was like a trance for her. She was blessed with good friends in school and they took good care of her, however that wasnt enough to heal her pain and suffering. She could not understand what hit so bad; no one helped. Soon after, the worst thing happened and she was put in hospital for attempted suicide and a eating disorder. She remembers that night clearly. She was msging Chad when he suddenly said that he was getting help. The phone then rang and it was Diane (Chad's girlfriend) and she asked to speak to me. I told my mum to say that i was busy and soon after, David (a church pastor) called to speak with her mum. They told her to stay with me that night and not leave me alone. They also told her to make me eat. She put a plate of kway teow and vegetables on a plate and told me to eat it. I said "im not hungry" despite not having eaten the whole day. Her mum told christine to sit at the table and eat it and she sat there, watching her eat. Christine had no choic but to follow. She first ate the few pieces of vegetable and now she looked at the horrible soft kway teow. It was like a mountain of fat to her. As tears rolled down her cheeks and she stared at her mother in hatred, her mother was frightened and alone and she told christine to "please eat it". However, christine couldnt touch anything other than the vegetables on the plate and she told her mum that she was "full" however her mum said in a loud voice "no. you havent eaten anything the whole day.. how can you be full? at least eat 2 or 3 bites." Christine then had no choice so she slowly ate 2 bites of the kway teow then pushed it away, saying she was full. Her mother looked at the plate and was half-satisfied. Christine was then about to run to the toilet and throw up but her mother stopped her and said "No. you sit here for sometime. i dont want you throwing it up." Christine then started shouting at her mother but her mum refused to budge. Christine then had no choice but to sit there and let the horrible fats digest in her body. That night, christine couldnt go online. She couldnt have her only source of comfort. Her mother insisted that she sleep early and that she wanted to sleep with her. Christine was very angry but she had no choice. Her mum slept with her that night. The next day, christine was taken to her doctor and was then admitted into hospital. Christine hated the doctor and her mother. She had to go through many procedures and it was around 2am when she was shown her room. The hospital was like the changi maximum security prision cells. The place was locked up. Even if you had the bar codes and passwords and you tried to escape, you probably wouldnt have made it out as it was so complicated. Christine was then put under the "NZ Law" and she told her mum "if i ever come out... dont think i'll ever talk to you again..." and her mum just looked away. At this point of time, i can see how frightened and scared christine's mum must have been. But through christine's eyes, her life was a nightmare. Living in the hospital was horrible. They locked everything up. Many things happened in the hospital... there was many blood tests, "counselling sessions", doctor talks, and the most horrible thing was they kept asking her to eat. She refused to eat anything and they forced her to drink "super trim milk". It had been around 4 months since christine drank anything other than water so the "super trim milk" tasted like "extremely fat milk" to her and she spat it right out, shouting and screaming at the nurses that they were trying to make her fat.
To cut a long story short, christine was later discharged from hospital, and she felt happy that she had fooled the nurses and doctors. During her time in the hospital, christine thought long and hard about her life. Or maybe she didnt, but one thing was clear, this time when she tried to take her life, it would work. She wouldnt end up in some horrible hospital with injections again. When she got back home, she returned to her room and cried and slept the whole day. She still refused to eat and she carefully planned the day when she would do it. She still continued to go online, and when she did, she saw her hero. She told him about being admitted to hospital. Out of all the others, he was the one that stayed. He was the one that really took care of her. He was the one that really understood everything. When the day came for her to really do it, something happened. It sounded stupid to her later on, but she heard God talking to her. Throughout the whole day, he kept telling her not to do it. He kept telling her that if she really did it this time, there would be no turning back. This would be the end of the line for her. Isnt this what christine wanted? She should have been happy. Instead, she didnt know what to feel. By that time she heard his voice, she was so numb with pain and was so weak, she didnt know what to do. In the end, she believed that she really heard God speaking to her and she didnt take her life. But why? She really wondered. Why would God make her suffer so much? Why all this pain? Why? There were so many un-answered questions. She believed that her hero was indeed a miracle sent by God but in the end, it was God himself that spoke to her.
Many things happened after, and in dec 2004, christine moved back to singapore with her family. She had an awesome year as she had changed alot from her past. She was no longer the girl people used to know. She definitely still liked to do some things, but much of her thinking was changed. She turned 15, and enjoyed her life. She loved her friends very much and she played hard and studied hard. She was proud of her rewards and even got a job at mcdonalds. Her life rawked in 2005. She was glad she had put her past behind her. Although sometimes the anorexic behaviour returned, she was happy and she was able to overcome it.
In the beginning, she thought of her hero as her "older brother". She only thought of him as a hero - someone that saved and took care of her. She didnt intend on falling in love with him. She was proud of her hero but her feelings never went any further than he being her hero. As Christmas came nearer in 2004, she had a christmas wish and by that time, another boyfriend. She didnt love her boyfriend, she didnt know why. She only liked him as a friend. But since she wanted someone to love her like she loved --------, she accepted him. Her christmas wish was that during christmas, she would find the one she loved and he would hug her in front of the biggest christmas tree in orchard rd. She imagined that day many times and hoped that whoever hugged me would be someone she loved. She tried imagining that guy would be her boyfriend however, the dream was not as nice after. She then realised she had to end the relationship since she had no feelings for him. After ending the relationship, she felt numb again as she realised that her christmas wish probably would not come true. However, when that day really came, it turned out that the guy she really loved was her hero. She just did not realise it as she did not have sweaty palms and she didnt stutter when she went out with him therefore she thought she didnt love him however, it was only after her friend said "you love him so much that's why you are so comfortable in his presence." and she realised that it was true. she was so open and myself when she was with him that she didnt realise how much she loved him. In the end, he was the guy that fulfilled her christmas wish. He hugged her in front of the biggest tree in orchard rd and she remembered how happy she was. At that moment, to have her christmas wish come true, was indeed a miracle and a dream come true. And the guy that hugged her was indeed someone that she loved very much. After he hugged her in front of the tree, he told her to close her eyes. When she did, he kissed her. It was such a sweet and romantic christmas. (:
After christine met her hero, she then realised what it was like to really love and cherish someone. It was amazing. She felt things that she had never felt before. She thought of him all the time. She never thought of any other guys, and she was faithful to the one she loved. She realised why it was so difficult for her to fall in love with someone in the past. It was because the person that she fell for had to be someone that had all the qualities that her hero had. Someone that understood her, someone that was patient, someone that was funny, everything that he was. She just loved him very very much. The moment she fell for him, everything changed. She changed for the better. She studied hard, she didnt do anything bad, and she was a good girl. She experienced what it was like to be truly in love. She just loved everything about him.
Love is when an angel kisses your soul and passion captures your heart.

*~Love is when you miss him even before he leaves
When you could listen to him talk all night
And never get tired of his voice
When the sound of his name sends chills down your spine
And you see his smile the second you close your eyes.

And this is how her fairy tale ends:
She moved back to NZ to study in 2006 where she studied in a good school and played hard and studied hard. She made lots of friends there and was just as happy as in Singapore. ALthough she missed her hero and her friends in Singapore, she was able to continue her life being happy. After 2 years, she graduated to the University of Auckland where she studied what she wanted and become a success.
After some time, she was successful in whatever she did, and she became a millionaire just like her parents and she fulfilled her dreams of sending her parents to europe for the third time for a 6 month holiday. She loved her family very much and she loved her friends very much. Her hero and her continued to keep in contact all these years. Even though they had their quarrels and stuff, they continued to love and care for each other very much. She was so happy to have found someone like him. When she turned 25, they got married. She was a happy woman and she had a loving husband and a great family. And they all lived happily ever after.

i wonder why girls believe so much in fairy tales. could it be because when we were little girls, we read stories of how prince charming always found his princess and they lived happily ever after.

2005-12-02T21:37:00.000+08:00

sleepover

2005-12-02T19:57:00.000+08:00

dear diary,
im having my sleepover now! (: its 1am now and im so tired. my friend's watching some lame show outside. hahha. she was actually watching some chinese show on my other com in the room but then she wanted to make use of my tv and i wanted to play games on my other com so we switched but i dunno for what reason my tv outside didnt want to play those chinese vcds so we switched to some english dvd movie and i went back online! (: hahaha. okay. now its 1.40am. see. i hate blogging half way. anyway, i called sebastian just now! he was doing duty at orchard rd. (: wish i was there to say hello! hahaha. anyway my friend's now back in the same room as me watching her chinese show on the other com while im back online blogging. =)
i went to the city with alice today! it was so fun! (: we went shopping again. (: i bought my pink roxy slippers today. =) we took the ferry from half-moon bay to skycity tower. it was nice! we stood right in front and i was wearing sleeveless! it was so cold and windy! and we took a video and pics there too! hahaha. the wind was so strong; it was blowing our hair all over the place. hahahha. and alice had this brown pimple on her chest! ewww. hahaha. she's gonna be so pissed if she ever reads this. hahha. its just so funny. i cant believe her pimple's brown. thats way its really interesting. anyway, after the boat ride, we headed over to skycity tower and ate lunch there. (: i ate noodles with sweet and sour pork, beef and chicken. not much choice really. but it was nice. (: after eating, we shopped till we dropped! we also played at the arcade! +D hahaha it was just so funny. we played dance dance revolution and then we played the arm swinging game! okay, its kinda hard to explain but its like a 2 player kinda thing. we battle against each other by swinging this round thing round as many things as we can. there are 5 different battles for each dollar coin you put in. it was really really fun. we screamed and pushed each other and kept swinging until my arms were all sore. when we finally finished the game, we realised that there was a crowd laughing behind us. LOL. hahaha. anyway, we had loads of fun. (: we kept shopping till 6.15pm and around 6.30pm we went to this nice jap restaurant for dinner. (: the food was really nice. after that, we ran all the way back to the arcade to play one last game then we ran all the way to the bus-stop to catch the 7.20pm bus. it was ten mins late. =/ anyway, we sat the long ride back home and yeahh..
im really tired now... and my friend is going to upload the pics and link the new song for me..! =)

in NEWZEALAND

2005-12-01T17:33:00.000+08:00

dear diary,
guess what!!! im in NEW ZEALAND now!!! so much has happened! sorry for not blogging for such a long time but i really didnt have time to sit down and type out all that has been going on. well i'll try to think back and remember. i went to SENTOSA! it was so fun! i used to be a member at sentosa, but that was a long time ago. anyway, i went with kaikee and rachel and it was really fun! amah and i swam and rachel was tanning! it was so fun!!!! and we swam from ONE ISLAND TO ANOTHER. can you believe it?! the water was so cold and so deep! when i finally made the decision to swim across, i prayed to God and hoped that he would bring me across safely. when i got to the middle however, and saw the horrible deep pole with the stupid red ball, i panicked and started screaming. i couldnt touch the bottom and it was so cold! i screamed "AMAH!! SAVE ME!!! THERE'S A SHARK!!!" okay, i know from here it sounds really stupid, but i always think there's a shark in sea water. anyway, when i really panicked, i really thought there was a shark after me. it scared the living hell out of me and i wished someone would just save me. i turned around and saw amah swimming towards me and i kept screaming and i heard her shout "CHRISTINE! JUST KEEP SWIMMING! JUST KEEP SWIMMING!!!" so i turned back and kept swimming. i swam and swam and just when i thought my arms were gonna drop off, i felt my chest hit the sand. oh thank god. really. i really thought i was gonna die. it was so freakin scary. the second time i did it however, it wasnt as scary and i was alright. it was the first time that was the killer. anyway, we had lots of fun at sentosa that day.. laughing and taking lots of pics.! i really enjoyed myself. (: it was also the first time i tried the mushroom soup and mashed potatoes cup thing from 7-11. mmmm. and the sand was so nice and soft. and can you believe, we took TWO buses to end back at the same beach we were at. =/ and rachel was like "this is so much better" when she saw the "new" beach when we suddenly realised WE WERE AT THE SAME BEACH. what in the world man!! hahaha. i went home tired and my head still full of sand and sea.
sentosa. the sand, the sun and the sea. (:
mmm. i also went over to amah's house to watch ONE MORE CHANCE. (: the first time i watched it in the cinema, i thought it was so funny! sebastian was laughing his head off. and i finally bought the vcd! =) amah made maggie mee SINGAPORE style for me and we ate it while watching a Singapore movie! it was so nice. (: thanks amah. stephanie and i also went bowling at the marina superbowl. my scores were terrible. the last time i was bowling was when i was 12 i think. i chose it as my CCA and only a few people were chosen. bowling isnt a good sport for me basically cos of 2 reasons: i am impatient and after awhile if the ball doesnt go the way i like it, i will get irritated with the ball and then i start throwing the ball anyhow. secondly, its not good for my bones. thats what my mum told me last time too. anyway, it was really fun bowling with stephanie. (: i kept laughing and laughing and the funny part was that i tried carrying the ball which was 15kg cos im 15 years old and my favourite number is "15" and the funny thing was, i couldnt carry it! i used both hands to hold it until i got to the place where you throw the ball and i couldnt roll it with 1 hand. wahahha. so funny! oh yes, before bowling, stephanie and me headed to sakae sushi to eat. first time i ate at sakae sushi. i usually go to sushi tel as my parents said the quality was much better. anyway, first time. it was alright. but fun though. hahhha. after bowling, we played in the arcade for awhile before we went home. i got home around 9pm. was tired.
hhahaha. so much stuff has happened! guess what. i just got home. i was typing in this blog just now, but i ran out of time and i had to save it first. see what i mean?! i hate typing in blogs and doing it halfway. anyway, i came home around 9pm and have been online chatting since. OKAY. i suddenly remebmer. i went shopping with my friend to bugis and she brought me round to all the cool places in bugis! it was just so fun! we ate dinner at this jap restaurant and she paid for my extras. (: thank you! it was really really fun shopping around with her. i bought new cds, new ear-rings, lots of new stuff! my dad also bought me new jeans and 2 new tees. (: really really happy. after being brought around to all the nice places in bugis, i brought min hui to bugis! we were supposed to go swimming at her place since she has a water slide but something else cropped up. =( so we headed over to bugis instead. can you believe, i had to go there in shorts?! cos i didnt know we were going out! hahaha. anyway, we had lots of fun hanging out at bugis. went shopping! min hui bought new clothes and a new bag. (: we had so much fun!!! after that we headed over to KAP mac and ate dinner there. we also visited chou peng who was in booth 1. (means the drive through) we took some pics with him but had to go cos 5 cars came. ahhh. hahaha. after that i returned home tired. wanted to blog but i had to start packing. i left on SUNDAY, the 27th of november. on sat we went out to orchard for my last night out. (: watched harry potter again. its so nice. dont know why some people dont like it. hahaha. its nice but quite scary. hahah. especially the graveyard part. i took more pics of orchard rd. (: its so pretty and so romantic. so nice. on the 24th of nov, sebastian and i celebrated his birthday! (: as promised, i treated him to dinner at swensens and later a big tub of haagen daaz icecream. (: hahha. dinner was so nice. i ate the chicken baked rice while sebastian ate crayfish pasta. mmm (: and we ordered fries to share. since it was his birthday, we also had a free firehouse. and they sang the birthday song to us! (: there was also a candle on the firehouse. firehouse is something like a banana split. has chocolate, vanilla and strawberry ice cream with a banana in the middle. we sang the birthday song! hahahaha. it was so funny. after that, we ate more ice cream! wahaha. we watched harry potter at lido. the back couple seats. it was so comfortable. and dark. hahahha. nice show. (: Happy Birthday Sebastian! mY hero is the besT! =P
had so much fun in Singapore!!! shopping! movies! hahaha.
so lets talk about NEWZEALAND now. i took Singapore Airlines and it was very nice. i watched charlie and the chocolate factory (since so many people said it was nice), inital d and the island. wanted to watch 50 first dates too but had no time. my flight was at 9pm so i watched movies till around 3am and i was so tired that i slept for around 2 hours. i also played computer games. (: there was no mtv! :( hahaha but it was alright. lots of food though. (: of cos. rice with pork. noodles with chicken. chocolate bars. burgers. apples. peanuts. lots of stuff. after landing, i slept the whole day as i was really tired and i had a headache. the next day, angela, alice, me and melissa headed down to bottany downs. it was actually supposed to be just me and angela. we arranged to meet at mcdonalds at 2.30pm and i kept waiting... i waited until 3pm! she was so freakin late lah. plus i dont have a nz cell yet. so i went over to the payphone and called home. no one was home. my family went out shopping. =/ so then i called the only number i memorized besides my home number: alice's number. i asked her "alice... help me!!! what do i do?!" and she said she could come down and meet me where i was. (: what a sweetie. she's always so sweet. anyway, she came down in the next 5mins and just when we were leaving, guess who showed up. ANGELA. oh my god. and she brought this little girl (i think its her cousin), melissa. so the 4 of us hanged out. alie was kinda like the babysitter. hhaha. so that angela and i could chat! (: we walked around, took videos and lots of pics. (: it was nice. on wednesday, angela left new zealand to go back to malaysia. she said she would come to my birthday party if she was in singapore.(: she had a 1am flight and i did want to send her but my mum didnt want to send me and neither did her mum. and trust me, nz is nothing like singapore. forget about taxis, please. hahhha. so i called her around 11pm + to say goodbye. today, alice and i went to bottany and watched flightplan at the new cinema in bottany. not bad, but the seats shouldnt be so freakin straight. they should be softer and more comfy! and what happened to couple seats?! hahaha. we ate dinner at nandos. (: she treated me to dinner. we went shopping too! i brought $40, thinking it was enough BUT in the end, in the first 5 mins i had already spent it all! i bought a new ripcurl bag and ripcurl cap which cost $40. its cheaper in nz than in singapore cos new zealand is nearer to australia than singapore is to australia. so yeah. (: alice helped me pay for the movie ticket first. after eating, we headed over to jayjays (one of my fav shops) and i bought a new outfit too. gonna wear it tomorrow. =) its really nice. i had to use alice's card though. hahaha. overall it was really fun. i do miss Singapore lots though. oh dear. so much has happened and i have so much more to typebut its 12.43am and i have to wake up at 12pm tomorrow! so early! =( hahha. okok. i'll finish soon. oh. i have to do the song for my blog. im so lazy. hahaha. okok. i went for the interview for ACG on wednesday and it turns out that ACG is not only a private and expensive school, but it is also one of the top. most students there get 90 and above for every subject. there are around 260 students for year 12 and the 60 will be new students. it cost $18 500 for a year, not including textbooks which cost $400-$500 and exam papers which cost around $200-$300. the school is also in the city, meaning that every morning i have to wake up at 6am and leave the house by 7am. my parents would drive me to the train station where i take the train and then the free city bus to my school. the good thing about the school is that they treat you like adults and it is like university. you can wear whatever you want to school provided it is not beach wear that kinda thing, you can put on make-up, blah blah, all the normal western school stuff. however, the period for each subject is 85mins which is very long. plus school starts around 8.30am and ends around 4.45am. there is a 40min lunch break and students are of cos allowed to go out of school to have lunch. you're supposed to take 4 subjects but i took 5. i will be taking English AS level, Math IG level, Chem IG level, Economics IG level, and Business Studies at AS level. (: cool yeahh. there are also 15mins breaks between classes so that students wont be rushing. there's also no denention. i spoke to the principal. its a school of very high standard. my parents are worried too. today i went to an interview with a all girls school. the number of students in school is quite small, however the school itself isnt. it even has a nice swimming pool. (: this is more like a proper school compared to ACG. the girls have to wear school uniform, have to tie their hair, no make-up, no rings and no braclets are allowed either. however, school starts from 8.20am to 3pm. so its shorter than ACG. Corran is like a proper school however ACG is like a mini-university. i prefer ACG because it is a bigger school with more students and also because it is a mixed school. Corran is a nice school but it is kinda small. hahaha. i dunno. they're both around the same price. $40 000 for 2 years. ahhh. im so tired now. gonna go offline in 5 mins. thats all for now. tomorrow i'll be going to the city and then having my sleepover!!! (:
I STILL DO LOVE SINGAPORE VERY MUCH. (: <333 my hero and <333 my friends very much.

friends forever

2005-11-16T22:14:00.000+08:00

hey amah
do you remember
on the last few days of school
you told me you were upset that i was leaving again
and i remember the look on your face
and you clung to my arm
and as we walked to class
i put my arm around you
and started singing
"as we go on
we remember
all the times we
had together
and as our lives change
from whatever
we will still be
friends forever"
and you started singing too

no matter what we're always gonna be friends forever and you'll always be my amah! <3

sick

2005-11-16T15:26:00.000+08:00

dear diary,
im sick. ahhh. sore throat. its been going on for days. i hope my throat will recover soon as i;ve got lots to do. i'll be leaving next week. just now i met rach and yi quan at mac. since its near my house and i dont wish to go town today. sue e called me this morning and wake me up! ahhh. i really wish i can eat fries. throat, please get well soon! i promise to pay more attention to you and my mouth in the future. i'll drink lots of water nexxt time. i promise. just please get well sooN! yesterday i went bowling with steph at the marina superbowl. it was so fun. hahahha but my scores were terrible. i went to my chirpracter the other day and i have to go for therapy at the rehab to help my neck, back and feet. $900 for 15 sessions as they are highly trained. today was supposed to go but i cancelled cos whats the point of exercising when ur sick? choo chin called me this morning apologising for what she did. whatever. then she asked me to meet her at chua chu kang. what the?!. anyway. she was like" you are forever my best friend. i shouldnt have done that to you". i was like "if i was your best friend, you wouldnt have done it." i mean when you're my friend, i will care for u and all that stuff, but the moment you break off the friendship or you do something that is unforgivable, its over. and you dont call people 4 weeks after your "mistake" and apologise if that person is really "your best friend". anyway. the mac beef rice burger is awesome. it is just so nice. mmmm. tomorrow i'llbe going to sentosa. today i just need to rest. yay! cant wait for sentosa!. (: on friday, sebastian and i will be celebrating his birthday. (: cant wait for that too. which is why i want to get well soon!!!!! ahhh. im now lying on my dad's bed, blogging on my mac, air-con on and watching mtv. confortable man. mtv's playing that hump song by black eye peas. reminds me of sue e cos on the last day of school she let me listen to that song and she kept dancing. lol. anyway i feel kinda tired now im gonna go sleep or something. byebye.

i love Singapore

2005-11-10T13:09:00.000+08:00

updates

2005-10-25T15:52:00.000+08:00

dear diary,
there are a few things i forgot to say yesterday.. okay.. what else has been happening? great news! my braces are coming off! hahahaha i'll be taking them off and having my retainer. =) i m wishing for a white christmas... wahahaha.. i just love christmas.. its a time of love and joy.. to have the spirit of giving.. its like so pretty.. to hug your friends and kiss your special one.. dont you think its just so romantic? i love the christmas trees in singapore.. i just love christmas! ((: i cant believe one year has gone by so quickly.. last year i was celebrating christmas with ********* and he gave me my christmas wish.. it is such a sweet christmas story.. just like a fairy tale.. however i will not write what happened as it is too personal to be put on the internet. but it is just so special. i love looking for the biggest tree in orchard rd during christmas. *that someone special

anyway, i have been planning for my birthday party! it will also be like a farewell party because it will be the last time i see some of my friends... :( my birthday is 2 feb but my party will be held a week earlier cos i want it to be on a sat before my birthday. im gonna find pink balloons! lots and lots of pink balloons! it'll be so pretty! and if i can find a pink banner.. hahahha. i cant wait for my birthday pink! and i want chocolate cake! mmmm... but thats a long way from now so when jan comes then i'll talk more about it.. :P
oh ya, u know the other day i was in orchard walking to find my friend hui yian when this guy approached me and asked me for my name and contact number cos he wanted me to be one of the models in this magazine or something like that.. he also gave me this name card for their model company.. like as if! hahahha
the other day stephanie and i went to orchard to party after school.. it was a friday! =) we ate at pastamania (30% off students) at cineleisure then we took neoprints at heeren. hahhah after that steph left her waterbottle at heeren! and we were already at taka or wisma around that area so we went all the way back to get her precious drinking bottle. :) hahaha and i thought there was still a bowling alley on the top floor of cineleisure... i am so outdated.. hahahha.. we also couldnt enter the arcade since i was in school uniform... arrrrgh... kk what else.. we also went to find hui yian at kbox cos she was supposed to return me $5.. after that it was time for her to go home but before that she bought cookies and i sent her to the bus-stop before meeting sebastian at cine. we ate at mcd at takashimaya.. u know.. the mac vouchers! you buy a normal meal with the vouchers and you get free food! you can choose either a cheeseburger, double cheeseburger, strawberry or chocolate ice-cream, apple pie, mcchicken, filet burger or a 6 piece mc dippers. limited coupons! sebastian ate the chicken foldover meal and i ate the nugget meal. nice. ((: after that we headed back to cine and watched goal! that soccer show. it was nice. =) and then we started playing around with the english. wahahaha. it was a really nice day. had lots of fun.
lastly, this is the last week of school and today i didnt attend school. i've also been giving out my autograph book to let my friends sign in it. =) *he's also going to write a 3rd message for me. all these messages mean so much to me and are so personal. sad to say, i have also let some people (that i do not communicate with now) write in it and their entries have been taken out and erased completely from my book. next time i will be more careful with who i let write in my book. =)
anyway, sebastian's bowling tournament starts on wed and i wish him all the best! good luck sebastian! you can do it! hahahha and remember your promise! when you win, you will treat me to dinner.. +) hahahha <3 you lots
tomorrow im going back to school and i will let more people write in my book and of cos, take more pics!!! =)

exams are over!

2005-10-24T14:41:00.000+08:00

dear diary,
my exams are over! hahah well this was kinda a late entry as i have been rather busy. my exams offically ended on the 10th of october. guess what? i didnt get to take my bio exam. can you believe it?! i mean, who not shows up for an exam? its bonkers! anyway i was disappointed cos i did study hard and in the end, i wasnt able to take the exam. WHY? well, 2 nights before the exam my chest pains got worse and i spent the whole day lying in bed sleeping. my head was spinning and my stomach aches were unbearable. the day before the exam, i almost fainted in the toilet cos i couldnt breathe. my chest pains were so bad i thought that was it. anyway, i had terrible stomach pains and my head hurt for the whole day as well. my parents finally took me to the hospital when i couldnt breathe properly. it was like something was pressing internally on my chest, causing me to have breathing problems. the hospital released me around 4am and told me to go home and rest for the next couple of days. it was depressing to have not done the exam when i studied for it. anyway, the rest of my other subjects were pretty much alright and the results were not bad. i was sad for math though. passed, but that wasnt what my tutor and i had aimed for. anyway, my hero supported and encouraged me all the while and he was happy with my geography results. ((: so what else has been happening? errrrmm... me and my mom went to the science centre! it was fun and interesting. nice going out with her. after that we joined my dad who was playing golf at the club and we ate lunch together. yesterday i went out with my family and had a nice sushi lunch at Sushi Tei at Paragon. love that place. one of my favourite places to eat. =) after lunch, we walked around for a bit and my dad bought a new camera handphone. i listened to music at HMV and watched the first vcd of No Mercy (WWE) at Centrepoint. it was fun. around 5pm i met sebastian at orchard and we watched "Transporter 2" at Cineleisure. 7.40pm show. we walked around taka and heeren and talked before the movie. it was a really cool show. enjoyable. +) after the movie we ate a late dinner at yoshuniaya? dunno how to spell lah. that japanese restaurant at cine. we both ate the beef and salmon combo. mmmm. oh yes, my mac friend, choo chin, came over to my house to swim a few times. it was fun but tiring. nice to hang out with her but not too often.. i also went back to mac and visited my friends there.. they're such friendly and nice people. really nice to just walk back in and they sneak me free food. :P
today we went to the science centre or rather should i say, the ecogarden. what a dumb, stupid, idiotic place. i had already gone there in p5! i wasnt surprised though. they didnt ask us for the entry fee so i told mirna that they would probably take us to the stupid ecogarden and make us do a stupid worksheet. ha. it was hot and there were insects and huge ants! yucks. i hate those kind of places. we ate breakfast at mac and i had a stomach ache cos i ate the pancakes too fast. hahhhaa. and thanks maxime for paying for my breakfast. =) oh yes, the other day after school, all of us stayed back and took lots of pics! yay! must make use of the time we have left together. i will miss Singapore so much when i leave. its my homeland. and im so happy that i was able to see NDP this year. :) i love my hero. i love my friends. i love Singapore. i love my family. i love Orchard Rd. i love food in singapore. i love watching movies in Singapore. i love old chee kang. i love hmv. i love our high level of technology. i love singtel. i love my handphone. i love being in the same time zone. i love being 15. i love my bed. i love my window. i love the weather. i love swimming. i love looking out of the car window and seeing people, buses, cars and buildings instead of the sky. i love hdb flats. i love my condo. i love the branded cars. i love seeing Singaporeans. i love everything about singapore. but i am ready to go back. just imagine, if i go back, it'll be just 2 more years and i'll be entering university. whereas in singapore, i have to do olevels, study 2 years of jc (which is extremely tough) and then do alevels. so i would rather choose to go back to nz. the price to pay is that i have to sacrifice not meeting him and my friends :( and of cos i'll be more lonely there. i'll miss all the things mentioned above. and oh yeah, the sound of the EZ-link card making that sound when you tap it on the bus and MRT. i will miss double-decker buses and the MRT. i will miss people speaking in the beautiful Singapore language. but i will enjoy my time in NZ. and i will take it as im on a long holiday since next year while most of my friends will be doing olevels, i will be relaxing and watching spongebob squarepants everyday. =)
i love being 15! it rawks! teenage life just rawks. i guess there are still many things that i dont know yet and things that i dont need to worry about since im only 15, but im definitely enjoying it. :)
and yes, i will buy the dvd/vcd of that i like to move it move it movie and we'll go back to your place and watch it.
oh well, i am enjoying life and i cant wait to go to sentosa! hahahahha

EVERYBODY SING THE SONG
i like to move it move it
i like to move it move it
i like to move it move it
you like to.... move it !

you like to move it move it
you like to move it move it
you like to move it move it
you like to.... move it!

we like to move it move it
we like to move it move it
we like to move it move it
we like to... move it !

them?
them like to move it move it?
okay.
them like to move it move it
uhhhh no.

us?

us like to move it move it

yeah!
us!

us like to move it move it
us like to move it move it
us like to move it move it
us like to... move it!

=) hahahah

end of year exams

2005-09-30T18:58:00.000+08:00

dear diary,
today is day the end of year exams begin! today was the english exam. next week would be chinese, ss and math, lit and math, geog, chem and lastly bio. i m not worried about chinese though. to me, its like all i have to do is bring a blue pen and go for the exam. ((: i was supposed to switch to CL B this year but the teacher asked me if i could just take it next year since it was 2 weeks before the exams. so i'll be taking CL B next year. no stress for chinese! yeah! +) today i had math tuition. tired. ohh ya. past few weeks i didnt have time to update my blog so here's what happened.

on the 17th of september me, kai kee, stephanie, min hui, si qian, rachel, jia chen and annabelle celebrated kai kee and stephanie's birthday! happy birthday amah! u turn 85 today! hahaha just kidding =P we went to yoshuniaya (dunno how to spell), the jap restaurant to eat. the food was nice but the service sucked. the stupid girl and manager. really ticked me off. who delivers the cake to the birthday girl?!?!?!??!?!? okay nvm. wont talk about it here if not i'll start swearing again. okay anyway, it was a really nice celebration! amah, i hope u like my present! and happy birthday stephanie! (23rd september) hope u like my present too ((: after the celebration, i went with my parents to the museum to see ' Journey of Faith ' . its this religion thing. it was really really nice. i really loved the journey. when we entered the chinese beliefs (no offence to all buddhists here) it was a little scary when i saw the hell guardians. they were really big and we were wearing huge robes. the music was low and it gave the effect that there were monks muttering in the background. it was scary. when i saw the hell guardians, i asked my mom if they were true and stuff like that. my aunty was the tour guide (she help to set up this organisation) knew everything in the museum! u could ask her any question and she'd be able to tell u a full story about every single christian item! she prays alot. =) after i asked my mom that question, she didnt really want to answer me cos of my past in religion. so she quickly ushered me into the christian section. the moment i entered the christian section, there was an immediate change in the atmosphere. i felt happier, safer and warmer immediately. it was amazing. the music was like angels singing from heaven. the pictures i saw of popes, angels, preachers was amazing. i saw the vetican too. it was lovely. my aunty talked about a 'holy room' too. when u enter the ventican through the middle door, the holy room is on the right. it only once in 25 years. its a place where people go to pray and confess their sins. the thing about the holy room is that there is no door to the room. once every 25 years, they break down the bricks and that is the entry for people to enter. in the past, it used to be once in 100 years, but people complained that they would die before the 100 years was up so the years was cut till it reached 25. it was last opened in 2000 so the next time would be 2025. i'm going. ((: my parents loved it when they visited europe. ((:
one of the things that i m gonna do when i become a millionaire is i m gonna let my parents sit in the Singapore Airlines first class section and pay for all their expenses in europe. i'll let them go for maybe 3 or 4 months but not 6 months. i would miss them too much. my parents has sat in the first class section but the thing is that i want to be the one that pays for their trip as i feel that this would be something great to do for them. this has been one of my personal goals since i was very young since my parents love europe. my mom says that she prefers europe to the states anytime even though she and my dad went to the states for a 2 month holiday for their honeymoon. my parents love the vetican too. i loved the museum alot and she told me that that was just a tiny section in the real vetican and she said that it was something i should at least vist once. it was beautiful. i really loved the journey. really really loved it. it was just so nice. ((:
on the 28th of september it was also my mom's birthday. happy birthday mum! love u lots! hope u like my present and card! ((: and i knew u did. to celebrate my mom's birthday, my family and my aunty went to this french restaurant (i forgot the name) i think its visa ve? hahaha. anyway, the dinner was really nice. each person had a set dinner. $58 per head. but it was really nice. the first was salmon and salad, then soup, escardo (dunno how to spell, they're snails), chicken/fish (depending on what u ordered), cappucino mousse with chocolate icing and coffee or tea to finish. nice right? my mom loved it. and that was most important. =)
im gonna log off now to go study. have to study and revise for the exams! wish me luck dear diary! i'll blog again after my exams! and alice, beware, the next time u see me, u might have to hug me in ur pyjames in front of ur whole neighbourhood again. =) hahahaha.
choo chin, dun worry i'll come and vist u after my exams k? we'll hang out alright? thanks for wishing me luck last night. ((:
well, that's all for now! im gonna go chiong!!!!!! lols. :)

mothers

2005-09-27T22:45:00.000+08:00

Why are you crying, a young boy asked his Mom?

"Because I'm a woman," she told him.

"I don't understand," he said.

His Mom just hugged him and said,
"And you never will, but that's O.K.".......

Later the little boy asked his father,
"Why does Mom seem to cry for no reason?".
"All women cry for no reason," was all his Dad could say......

The little boy grew up and became a man,
still wondering why women cry.

Finally he put in a call to God and when God got back to him, he asked "God, why do women cry so easily?"

GOD answered......

"When I made woman,
I decided she had to be special.
I made her shoulders
strong enough to carry
the weight of the world, yet,
made her arms gentle enough to give comfort...

I gave her the inner strength
to endure childbirth
and the rejection
that many times will come
even from her own children.

I gave her a hardness
that allows her
to keep going and take care
of her family and friends,
even when everyone else gives up, through sickness and fatigue without
complaining....

I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all
circumstances. Even when her child has hurt her badly....

She has the very special power to make a child's boo-boo feel better and
to quell a teenager's anxieties and fears....

I gave her strength to care for her husband, despite faults
and I fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart....

I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but
sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him
unfalteringly....

For all of this hard work,
I also gave her a tear to shed.
It is hers to use
whenever needed and !
it is her only weakness....
When you see her cry,
tell her how much you love her, and all she does for everyone, and even though
she may still cry, you will have made her heart feel good.

at the zoo with sebastian!

2005-09-10T14:38:00.000+08:00

dear diary,

yesterday 09092005 i went to the zoo with sebastian! it was so fun! okay. let's start right from the beginning!
we planned to meet at 8.30am at choa chu kang mrt station and from there take the bus 927 to the zoo. (no taxi, hahahaha) i was so excited about my trip to the zoo!! hahahaha.
anyway i woke up around 7.07am and i was late!!!! arrrrgh! by the time i was ready it was around 8am or 8.05am and i smsed him asking if he wanted a sandwich. he did, so i made tuna and peanut butter sandwiches with the help of my dad and left. i reached around 9am and we took the bus and left for the zoo! i ate the tuna and peanut butter sandwich on the bus cos i was sleepy and hungry and we talked all the way to the zoo. surprisingly, it wasnt a long bus ride. in fact, it was pretty fast and before i knew it, we were at the zoo! THE SINGAPORE ZOO. ((:
the first animal show we went to was the polar bear feeding! it was really cool watching the polar bears. =) we also saw the snakes, the crocs, the eleplants, the hippos, the parrots and birds, the monkeys, the sun bears, the sloths, and not forgetting ah meng! hahhaha =P we also went to the FRAGILE FOREST. the place full of butterflies! we also saw many different kinds of frogs, stick insects, leaf insects, many different kind of insects basically, beatles, spiders, scorpions, and the most disgusting one of all, hissing cockroaches. ewwwww. but anyway once we stepped into the fragile forest itself, it was quite fun. i mean i didnt like all those butterflies coming near me, but i could adore them from afar. we took pics there too and saw some kind of animal that hangs upside down by its tail. i forgot its name but it that was really cool. oh ya, we also saw bats and parrots inside! well, not really parrots, but these red birds that made alot of noise. lols. LASTLY, we saw the white tiger. it was beautiful. ((: really nice. i love the white tiger. the way they look, they way they walk, everything.
i had loads of fun seeing all the animals there! it was really hot though but still enjoyable. we took lots of pictures and we even sat in the "garden with a view"! we walked for ages and saw heaps of animals and when the heat was killing the both of us, we finally took shade in one of the animal places. we ate lunch in the food court since the forest lodge was only entitled to people that want to eat the buffet and we were saving our stomachs for the high tea. =) i ate nuggets and fries and sebastian ate fried rice with chicken. it sucked. they should just change it to mcdonalds. the food would be loads better. hahaha. but it was fun anyways. by that time we were so hot and tired that we just sat there for over an hour.! after that we headed off to see the BABOONS (sebastian's home) LOL and it was so fun seeing all their red backsides! i just cant get over them! its just so funny! hahaha. and sebastian ALL THE ANIMALS SALUTE U WITH THE ROYAL FLAG. hahhaha. want to know what's their royal flag? their BACKSIDES. wahahaha! first the camel showed his butt to sebastian. then the rhino. then the monkeys and last but not least, the BABOONS also showed the royal flag! HAHAHAHA. =P sebastian... the animals SALUTE YOU! hahahha. anyway we also saw the famous AH MENG. hahaha. ah ming ah. glad to see you back in your natural habitat. ((: we also went to the children's world and saw horses, dogs, rabbits, hamsters, mice, mole-rats, pigs, goats, sheep and cows. hahaha it was really fun. saw alot of animal babies too. and finally 4pm came! time for the high tea buffet! we headed down to the "PRIVATE FUNCTIONS ROOM" and the high tea buffet spread was not bad. there was even sui mai! (not sure if that spelling is correct). its a tim sum delicacy. there was mee siam, small curry puffs, spring rolls, these prawn rolls thingy, sponge cake, chocholate cake, french cakes and loads more. hahaah but by the time we got there we were already so full! imagine after eating all those. we were STUFFED. hahahaha ((: but it was nice sitting there enjoying the coolness of the air-con. there was the children's show and this "clown" came out and started blowing balloons and doing magic for the kids but the only thing that was wrong about the whole performance was the music! they were playing techno music while performing for the kids! hahahaha. was more like being in a club! lols. there was the lucky draw at 5pm but aww too bad.. sebastian didnt get any prizes even when he had 2 tickets. :(( but nevermind!
so after that we headed back out to the zoo and it was around 5.30pm and we walked over to the bus stop (no taxi! ahhh?!) and took bus 138 and headed to ang moh kio mrt station and from there we went to orchard! we went to lido, intending to watch a movie but in the end we decided not to and headed to mos burger and bought a drink. we sat there, drinking, resting, relaxing, talking, laughing and enjoying the air-con (once again) for a long time before we went to borders. sebastian looked for an economics book while i took a few magazines. and guess what i found? DOLLY. my favourite magazine from new zealand! i miss that mag. ((: anyway after reading we were about to head home when something cropped up. (unable to say here, sorry, but dun worry, nothing bad) hahaha. anyway sebastian walked me from the orchard bus-stop to the park mall bus stop (it was a long but very nice walk) and from there he sent me home.

it was a really lovely day, one of the best i've ever had. sebastian, thank you for paying for my ticket and bringing me to the zoo with the high tea buffet. it was really nice going out with you. you are the besT! =P haha i cant get too personal here since this is an internet diary, but u know what i've said. ((: thanks baby. muacks. <3

*this diary entry has been rated PG so for the sake of young readers that might stumble upon this link, i have deleted all the R(A)-16 comments.

me and alice!

2005-09-08T00:10:00.000+08:00

dear diary..

today is ALICE WONG'S birthdaY!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALICE!
im sorry im not in nz to sing u a song and give u a cake, but here's ur birthday song!

happy birthday to you
happy birthday to you
happy birthday dear alice
happy birthday to you!

okay. well i called you today and im glad to hear that u are doing well! and of cos, still very happy to know that u miss me.. =P hahaha. well.. thanks for reading my blog girl.. ((: okay. here's what i promised u on ur 16th birthday.

dear alice,
i miss you so much! how are u? hows school? hows life? hows ur mom? i miss talking to u.. hanging out with u.. eating pizza and watching WWE with u.. =P its been 8 months since i've last seen u.. i'll be going back on the 27th of november.. so dont leave nz so soon alright? wait for me! remember the last time i went back to nz in march, we went to rainbows end? it was so much fun! we were screaming and poking and laughing and having so much fun! i miss all those fun days with u. remember the howick college days? we would always meet by my locker, and u would smile at me and ask how i was. alice, u are such a caring and sweet girl. really love ya. <3 and of cos, during lunch time we would gossip and talk about all sorts of things and of cos ... laughing! girl, you have such a sweet smile. and we would always laugh like mad people! laugh about all sorts of things. remember once we were in the library studying and we started singing until this guy had to come and tell us to keep quiet!! i miss hanging out with u. i could tell u anything and i know u would listen. even if u didnt know how to advice me, u were always there to listen. i miss eating pizza with u. remember how we would talk about terry and kevin? hahaha. it is always so fun hanging out with u. remember how we would go to bottany and shop? and eat ice-cream?? =P we would always talk about bras and underwears. i dunno WHY, but we did. hahaha. remember how i used to talk about all sorts of guys and how this and that guy was handsome? hahaha. well u know who's my hero now. ((: he's so cute u know!!! hahaha. u saw him on webcam remember.. (webcam means internet camera) hahaha. and i m serious we are going to the zoo this friday! and i can see the monkeys! and the crocodile! and the snakes! hahaha =P are u jealous.. just kidding!
remember in march 2005 when i came back to NZ.. i went to ur house and i kept knocking on ur door? and when u finally opened it, ur face completely dropped. hahhaha. ur jaw really dropped! and im sure it was hanging for at least a minute before u finally started smiling.! hahaha. it was so fun.. seeing u in ur pyjames at 1pm in the afternoon. hahaha. and when u opened the door, u came out and hugged me in ur pyjames in front of the whole neighbourhood. ((: remember how we would go to the city and i would eat noodles with sweet and sour park and chicken for $8.90 and u would buy a pizza and ice chocolate. ((: it was so fun going out to the city to shop and eat with u.! remember how we would go to the city arcade and play the dancing game?? hahaha. we would go everywhere together! the library, the movies, shopping, bottany, the city, everywhere! remember how we would wake up early and then catch the morning bus to queenstreet? and thank you for always being so caring and understanding. you've been a very patient person to be able to stand by me and still love me for all i've been through in 2004. (you know what i mean) =) you're a true friend alice and one rare flower. im just lucky to be the one that came by and saw you. you said that you were miserable in howick college before you met me and after you met me i made you so happy? i think its the opposite. after meeting you, my life has changed so much. remember you told me that one day another guy will come into my life and take away the pain clarence caused me? you were right. i did survive, and i did find a much better guy than that jerk clarence. (haha, yes, i did call him a jerk) remember when i went back to NZ in march 2005 we went to the city and i kept taking so many pictures and videos of the both of us? those are memories that can never be replaced. ((: you're a very sincere, friendly and funny girl. remember how we met? our PE class had combined and i had a group of 9, looking for one more person, and as i looked to the right, you looked like an angel standing there. =) my first impression of you was that you were a really friendly and funny person and i hoped that maybe one day we could become good friends. but now we're not just good friends, we're best friends. =) and i thank God for letting me meet such an angel like you. you were real, you were someone there for me. remember one night i called u crying because i was so sad and i didnt know what to do and you wanted to come over just to keep me company. ur everything that i want to be. ur brave, honest and true. im so happy you stuck by me. remember how we used to go jogging? we would run all the way to mac and then buy an ice-cream. hahaah. remember we would go to Xtreme and look at the cool bowling alley? remember augestine, our math tutor? ha. he's just so full of smoke. =P and remember we would go to this place near the cinema to play pool? i cant remember the name of the place but im sure u do. remember my mom wouldnt let us go there since there were reports of many people fighting there. but anyway remember how u, angela and me sneaked there one day to play pool? hahaha well the coolest part was that we could choose whatever music we wanted to play !!! i loved that!! =P and remember how angela was so jealous of you cos you could play pool so much better than her? hahaha. better not tell her that! =)
but anyway you've seen the worst and the best side of me. and i really love you gal. hope you have a great 16th birthday. may your birthday wish come true and remember that u'll always be my best friend. i'll see you on the 27th of november 2005. *hugs ((:

lots of love,
your best friend in Singapore,
christine

<3

2005-09-04T23:47:00.000+08:00

just open your eyes
and realize its obvious.
i love you <3

teachers' day!

2005-09-02T23:55:00.000+08:00

dear diary,
on wednesday our school celebrated teachers day! we could wear whatever we wanted to wear and it was fun! ((: i gave presents to mr. goh (my form teacher), mr. wong (chem teacher) and mr. low (geog teacher), mr paul (math tutor) and shen lau she (chinese tutor). i really appreciate their efforts to teach me and they are always there to answer my questions whenever i have doubts. i wrote them cards thanking them. i am really grateful for the effort that my teachers put in to teach me, and of course, my class. the school concert was okay. it was so fun! we were all taking pics and stuff! ((:

on tuesday (30th august), min hui, chou peng and i went to west mall to celebrate choo chin's birthday! and we also planned to meet mirna and kanageek there to sing mirna and choo chin a birthday song! hahahaha. so me, min hui, chou peng and choo chin went to KFC to eat! (i had vouchers) hahaha. chou peng left early so that he could meet up with his other friends to make mr. wong a cake. after eating, me, min hui and choo chin walked around west mall and they bought some stuff. after that we met mirna and kanageek! hahaha after that all of us sang the both of them a birthday song! =) and mirna and kanageek finally met choo chin. soon i had to go cos i had tuition and choo chin took the same bus as me to keep me company. i dropped off and we talked for awhile more before we said goodbye. i wished her a happy birthday one last time and hugged her goodbye. she thanked me for coming out with her on her birthday. really hope that she will be fine. :)

thursday was a holiday! the offical teachers day! happy teachers day!

today is friday.! report books were given out! and my results were good! so much better than the last term's! im really happy with my results. feel like i've been given a boost. both in my self-confidence and my positive attitude that i will do even better for my end of year exams. sebastian thank u for teaching me my geog... =) its like all my grades have raised up! a hell lot of improvement! and my parents are happy too.

well tomorrow i have to go to ngee ann poly cos my school got into the finals for the Wonders of Science 2005 and we're supposed to go. i actually wont go but my friends are going to KAP mac after school and thats so near my place so im going. it'll be so fun! hanging out at mac and eating. hahaha. and see my friends working too.

well im getting tired of typing. might go outside to watch tv. or might stay in bed and watch a vcd or something. i actually want to read my mag too. i bought the september issue of teenage. want to relax and read. by the way, check out this movie called "the miracle worker". mirna lent me the vcd. its a really nice show. ((:

well im off. goodnight & sweet dreams.!

when a girl cares

2005-08-27T23:48:00.000+08:00

dear diary..

this is something sweet..

when a girl CARES about a boy...

*she waits for his phone calls

*talks to him till the early morning

*hates to know when he's sad and wants to make
him feel better

*thinks about him all the time

*talks to all her friends about him

*she misses him even when he's just gone for a
minute

*tries to find the perfect outfit to wear when
shes gonna see him

*loves to be on the phone with him even if its silent

*loves to stare into his eyes

*loves to lay her head on his shoulder

* and loves him so much that when he's feeling
down she feels the same way

*When he calls u...your heart races and you cant resist the urge to smile ((:

tired

2005-08-20T00:18:00.000+08:00

i'll always look back
as i walk away
this memories will last
for eternity
and all of our tears
will be lost in the rain
when i find my way back
in your arms again

dear diary,
its now 12.25am and im tired... had 3 tests today... lit, bio (respiration) and english. math, ss, and chem (periodic table) will be next week.. ahh.. have to study much harder now..
i cant believe it! my chinese is changing to CL B! thank goodness... if i have to take the real chinese exam for the olevels, i would die! i spoke to the principal the other day, then to my chinese teacher (school) and they agreed and are currently helping me apply and change. my chinese tutor however (shen lz she) is really upset... i guess i can understand cos we've been friends since i was 10, and im one of her favourite students. or should i say, the student she likes best. =P we have so much fun together.. and we're close as well. though she has her flaws, i still really do like her. she says that once i change to CL B, i wont need tuition anymore since the standard and expectation of CL B is really low. in the exam there's only multiple choice and there's no A1 or B3 or whatever, its just graded pass or fail. i guess its a loss to change to CL B now, but i really cant cope with what im "studying". i dont understand whatever my chinese teacher is saying in class. while the whole class can make jokes in chinese and laugh at them, i dun even know wth they are saying! and which is left and right? zuo and you? whatever. forget chinese.

i feel like watching wwe raw that's at 1am since i missed both raw and smackdown this week cos i had to study. the thing is, im just so tired. ahhh. i think im going to sleep. my stomach and head hurts. arrrgh. appointment with my neurologist this wed. alot of work to complete over the weekend as well.

over what happened today:
i dont wish to say it here. but u know what happened. its good getting things out in the open. its good to talk it out. but its if we survive and hold through together. well, maybe next time.

the ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree, but hold hands.

swollen, sore and red eyes.
twisted and cracked heart.
painful and tired legs.
chest tightens.
face damp with tears.
long hair to cover face.
hands to cover face.
tired head.
painful stomach.
dry mouth.
tired eyes.
sad eyes.

goodnight... sweet dreams...

im so tired

2005-08-18T00:11:00.000+08:00

dear diary..
hahaha im so tired!! ahhh! tired but happy. ((: anyway im gonna go study now.

thought for the day:
in a world that is so corrupted and full of one night stands, treasure ur love ones and find someone special to have a meaningful relationship with. <3 him

my life

2005-08-06T00:27:00.000+08:00

dear diary..
wow so much stuff has happened! i dun even know where to start..

SINGAPORE'S BIRTHDAY IS IN 3 DAYS! YEAH! AND GUESS WHAT ! I HAVE NDP TICKETS!! IM GOING TO SINGAPORE'S 40TH BIRTHDAY PARTY!!! YES YES YES YES!!! I CAN SING WITH SINGAPORE! STAND UP STAND UP FOR SINGAPORE!

we are singapore
we are singapore
we will stand united
hear the lion roar

this is my country
this is my land
this is my future
this is my life
this is my family
these are my friends
we are singapore..
SINGAPOREANS!

last year i watched NDP live on the internet and i cried while they sang this song.. NOW i can sing it along with SINGAPORE! =)

i've been missing alot of school too.. i used to get headaches at least 2-4 times a week.. but recently its like every single day.. its really tough.. and horrible as well.. and i cant breathe at times.. which is really awful.. and i finally went to see several of my doctors. i already did an MRI scan and it turns out that my brain is fine.. there's no blood clotting or anything up there. secondly, i went for an ECG to check my heart because of my breathing problem and cos of murmur. it was a problem i had when i was younger. one of the "doors" in my heart couldnt close properly and this lead to a backflow of blood. when i first saw the machine i was frightened again, just like i was really frightened when i had my brain scan done. they took of my shirt and put tubes and gel over my body. after they clipped the metal clippings and the wires to my body, i remember the scene was vaguely familiar.. then i remembered i had it done when i was younger as well.. after that i had spirometry.. which is a test for my lungs.. i had to put this tube halfway into my mouth and blow.. i could only blow 60% which is really bad cos the average is around 90% for people my age.. and the nurse doing it for me was worried.. then the doctor saw the results and didnt believe it, then i took it in front of him another 3 times, and the result was the same. 60% was my highest.. lowest was 40%. when the xrays of my lungs came out, it turns out that my right lung cannot open properly and not enough oxygen goes to my brain and this results in me being dizzy and having tons of headaches. i know this sounds insane, but at times i realize that i forget to breathe.. i dont mean like not breathing completely, but like not breathing properly and not knowing it.. and this can be really dangerous.. the doctor was surprised when he found that my right lung couldnt open properly (to allow oxygen to go in) and he gave me this tube which i m supposed to breathe into when i cant breathe properly and when my chest hurts. however even if it doesnt hurt, im supposed to break at least 2 tablets a day (break and breathe) and do it. i'll be seeing him again on thursday for another xray.
i hate it when i miss school cos i like miss classes.. my parents are sick of me missing school, so is the school. my mother says that there are loads more ppl that are suffering much more than me, and that i agree, but she underestimates the power of my headaches and dizzyness. they're really really bad. she can be so insensitive. anyway. that's my parents. i wont bother talking about them cos they make me pissed and upset. im happy with my school test results. been doing well. school's fun but that's IF I can get to school. sigh. my mother's gonna take away my hp next week for a week. i m not going to state the reason why, but the person involved would know. haha but she's so dumb. all i do is take out the sim card and put it in my other cellphone! as for the cell that i give her, i'll just insert one of my other sim cards. hahaha. thats what i did today when she took it away. she took it away cos i said i wasnt feeling well and didnt go to school. she says i talk too much on the phone. haha. dunno what else she is going to say. she doesnt know how to explain my medical condition, so she blames it on other factors. she FIRST blamed it on the house phone, saying i talked too much at night and it was causing me to have not enough rest thats why i cant wake up the next morning. (never occured to her that i had a headache) NEXT, she blamed it on the computer. she said that i go on the computer too late at night, causing me to have not enough sleep. THEN, when she took BOTH of them away at night on weekdays and my headaches, stomachaches, dizzyness, and chest breathing problems CONTINUED, she blamed it on my cell. so whats next? haha. she blames it on FOOD. yup. she says i dont eat enough thats why i get headaches. i really dunno what else. let's see.. too much air-con? my room's too comfortable? my bed's too soft and nice? like wth. dunno what else she wants to blame it on. ANYWAY. let's talk about something else. work's really fun. really have lots of fun there. padadada. im lovin it! =P a sad thing happened at mac last night. not sure if i should talk about it here. but yeahh, it was sad. and it made me think alot about the troubled youths in singapore, those whose parents have no money, and they're dropouts from school, forced to work. really made me realize some stuff. parents should never have a kid when they cannot afford to support one. its like buying a dog. would u buy a dog if u had no money to buy it food? or if u had no space in ur house to keep one? only that when u have a child, u cant give it up that easily as u can to animals. i find that when some parents cannot afford to have children, they have them anyway, and in the end, when the parents cannot afford to let the child have an education, the child is forced to go out and face the cruel world at such a young age. the teen has to face dangers and all sorts of bad pressure. the fear of not having an education or any friends. parents also create the wrong kind of environment for teen. what if they constantly speak in chinese and hokkien? wont that influence the teen to grow up that way and what if he/she mixes with the wrong company? this isnt what happened to my friend if that's what ur wondering.. but this is one of the cases.. i feel really sorry for my friend, and i felt extremely sad that night, when i hugged her and she burst into tears. and she hugged me tightly, and cried for a long time. i think the world should be kinder to each other.. there's lots of people who are hurting in the world now.
okay. enough of sad things for now.

TOMORROW. THE LAST 5 FINAL EPISODES OF LOST.
im going over to vist my friends in mac and buy some food then head back home and watch!! im so excited!
plus mcd is having the special offers! go check it out! im gonna buy tomorrow!! =)

the island is really nice movie. quite scary at times but it is a nice one. ((:

today i watched this show on star movies called "odd girl out". it shows how bitchy girls can be to each other. guys slog each other out but after that they have a beer. girls bitch and bitch. they spread rumours, call u a slut, and basically make ur life a living hell. this is more in western countries. but yeahh. it made me kinda sad.

basically life is great now. people that tried to make me feel down cant do it anymore. i realize that i've moved on to much greater things and can see the kind of people that they are. they're so fake. but im glad that the people i have around me arent like that. =) school's good. he's good. <3 eagle life's good. work's good. loving my life. the only downfall is my parents. but i m not going to bother about them. its their loss, if they havent seen how much i've grown since what happened in nz. the reason they cant see is i think because, they keep holding on to the past. when i was a little girl and stuff like that. and also because i m not that nice to them. i dont trust them and stuff like that. look at the way my mother behaves. even my hero agrees that how she handles situations isnt good. she doesnt know how to reveal her true emotions and she often does it the wrong way. but im not going to get involved in that.

for now, im going to continue LOVING LIFE!
but i'll do that tomorrow k.. im so tired now.. i have to go sleep. actually wanted to watch WWE: RAW but realize that i m too tired so i would rather sleep and wake up earlier tomorrow so i can go to mcd and then come home and watch LOST.

i have also already posted all the nics pics of me and all the fun stuff thats been happening in my life in friendster. ((:

*/*Love is when you miss him even before he leaves
when you could listen to him talk all night and never get tired of his voice
when the sound of his name sends chills down your spine
and you see his smile the second you close your eyes.`~*

+//. let the rain fall down// im coming clean
``*let's go back to the beginning

i love you baby. you are the best! <3

he's back!

2005-07-24T22:46:00.000+08:00

my hero has come back to singapore! ((:

mothers - a loving gift from God

2005-07-21T00:27:00.000+08:00

dear diary..
this is one of the sweetest things i've read.. it makes me feel very guilty at times but when i fight with my mum somehow this doesnt come to mind.. but i know i do love her.. its just that at times we .. sigh.. nevermind.. jus enjoy the beautiful message.

When you were 1 year old,
she
fed you
and bathed
you. You thanked her by crying all night
long.

When you were 2 years old, she taught
you to
walk. You thanked her by running away
when she
called.

When you were 3 years old, she made all
your
meals with love. You thanked her by
tossing your
plate on the floor.

When you were 4 years old, she gave you
some
crayons. You thanked her by coloring the
dining
room table.

When you were 5 years old, she dressed
you for
the holidays. You thanked her by
plopping into the
nearest pile of mud.

When you were 6 years old, she walked
you to
school. You thanked her by
screaming, "I'M NOT
GOING!"

When you were 7 years old, she bought
you a
baseball. You thanked her by throwing it
through
the next-door-neighbor's window.

When you were 8 years old, she handed
you an
ice cream. You thanked her by dripping it
all over
your lap.

When you were 9 years old, she paid for
piano
lessons. You thanked her by never even
bothering
to practice.

When you were 10 years old she drove
you all
day,
from soccer to gymnastic to one birthday
party
after another. You thanked her by
jumping out of
the car and never looking back.

When you were 11 years old, she took you
and
your friends to the movies. You thanked
her by
asking to sit in a different row.

When you were 12 years old, she warned
you not
to watch certain TV shows. You thanked
her by
waiting until she left the house.

When you were 13, she suggested a
haircut that
was becoming. You thanked her by telling
her she
had no taste.

When you were 14, she paid for a month
away at
summer camp. You thanked her by
forgetting to
write a single letter.

When you were 15, she came home from
work,
looking for a hug. You thanked her by
having your
bedroom door locked.

When you were 16, she taught you how to
drive
her
car. You thanked her by taking it every
chance you
could.

When you were 17, she was expecting an
important call. You thanked her by being
on the
phone all night.

When you were 18, she cried at your high
school
graduation. You thanked her by staying
out
partying until dawn.

When you were 19, she paid for your
college
tuition, drove you to campus carried your
bags.
You thanked her by saying good-bye
outside the
dorm so you wouldn't be embarrassed in
front of
your friends.

When you were 20, she asked whether
you were
seeing anyone. You thanked her by
saying, "It's
none of your business."

When you were 21, she suggested certain
careers
for your future. You thanked her by
saying, "I don't
want to be like you."

When you were 22, she hugged you at
your
college graduation. You thanked her by
asking
whether she could pay for a trip to Europe.

When you were 23, she gave you furniture
for your
first apartment. You thanked her by telling
your
friends it was ugly.

When you were 24, she met your fiance
and asked
about your plans for the future. You
thanked her by
glaring and growling, "Muuhh-ther,
please!"

When you were 25, she helped to pay for
your
wedding, and she cried and told you how
deeply
she loved you. You thanked her by
moving halfway
across the country.

When you were 30, she called with some
advice
on
the baby. You thanked her by telling
her, "Things
are different now."

When you were 40, she called to remind
you of a
relative's birthday. You thanked her by
saying you
were "really busy right now."

When you were 50, she fell ill and
needed you to
take care of her. You thanked her by
reading about
the burden parents become to their
children.

And then, one day, she quietly died. And
everything you never did came crashing
down like
thunder on YOUR HEART.

good charlotte concert

2005-07-16T17:06:00.000+08:00

dear diary,
i went for the good charlotte concert on the 12th of july! it rawked! it was so cool! i loved it! have to say though, the sum 41 concert was definitely more rowdy than this one.. good charlotte's concert was held in the singapore indoor stadium .. we tried to sneak my camera in but got caught by the security guards.. nothing metal was allowed inside.. no metal belts or chains or braclets.. and no cameras.. it was like impossible to get pass those guards.. anyway it was a really cool concert.. jus shows how much i love it.. and that music is my passion and that im going to be in the industry.. when i was out there, when we were all jumping and screaming and singing as one.. it was awesome.. the feeling was like so there.. i love the crowds.. screamed until my voice was almost gone.. and when we came out, we were also partially half deaf.. hahhaa.. it was really nice.. i just love the feeling of being there.. its the thing i love best in the world.. dunno how to describe also.. all i know is that its what im going to do.. its my life.. and its so cool that i saw good charlotte! he was like "whats up singapore?!" hahaha
I LOVED IT! ((:
now secondly.. my hero's going to taiwan for a week.. =( im going to miss him alot alot.. i'll be waiting for him when he comes back.. *ilu
next week i'll have lots of tests and i'll be really busy.. so much stuff has happened.. alot of stuff i cant say here either .. too personal to be posted on the internet.. but yeahh.. thank u for being there for me and thank u for taking care of me.. u're someone real.. and u gave me a home.. thank u.. ++muacks
as for my job at mac, things have been going real good.. im lovin it! life there rawks! when im stressed and stuff like that, the moment i put on my uniform and go there to work, im so happy! im happy when i go there! i love working there! i love my friends there! ((:
my life revolves around my hero, around my friends, around my studies, around my passion, around my job, around my future.. around the things i love to do.. its enough to keep me busy and happy.. and i will remain happy.. i will continue to live life the way i do.. im lovin it! ((:

move it

2005-07-01T23:56:00.000+08:00

i like to move it move it
i like to move it move it
i like to move it move it
U like to.. MOVE IT!

=P

every girl's dream

2005-06-21T22:43:00.000+08:00

dear diary..
this is one of the sweetest things ever.. =)

Only real men know how to treat the woman
he
loves. This is the sweetest thing in the world.
Read, Learn, and Put into good use.

1. Tell her she is beautiful, not hot. [Yeah, it
shows
that you love her, not her body]

2 . Hold her hand at any moment even if it just
for a
second. [It shows how much you appreciate
her
presence]

3 . Kiss her on the forehead. [It's a loving
gesture,
helping her feel secure]

4 . Leave her voice messages to wake up to.
[even
SMS or missed-call will do... Nothing can beat
waking up to the voice/message of your loved
one]

5 . Always tell her how beautiful she is, no
matter
what she's wearing. [Again, it shows how
much
you treasure her]

6 . When she is upset, hold her tight and tell
her
how much she means to you. [sigh... need I
say
more?]

7 . Recognize the small things . . . THEY
USUALLY MEAN THE MOST! [it's the tiny bits
and pieces that count]

8 . Call her baby.

9 . Sing to her no matter how horrible your
voice
is.[trust me, girls love it when guys sing to
them]

10 . Pick her over all the other girls you hang
out
with. [Yeah, and show her to them]

11 . Write her notes. [to make her feel that
she's
always on your mind]

12 . Introduce her to family and friends as your
girlfriend. [it shows how much you want her to
be a
part of you]

13 . Play with her hair.

14 . Pick her up, tickle her and play-wrestle
with
her.

15 . Sit in the park and just talk to her. [you
never
know what will she say]

16 . Tell her funny jokes, tell her stupid jokes,
just
tell her jokes. [but make sure that it's the right
time for jokes]

17 . Throw pebbles at her window in the
middle of
the night just because you missed her.

18 . Let her fall asleep in your arms.[sigh...
heaven...]

19 . Carve your names into a tree. [for memory
sake]

20 . If she's mad at you, apologize because
SHE is
always right.

21 . CUDDLE.

22 . Bring her flowers just because u love
her. [although some girls will say that they
hate
flowers, but still, chances of them being
touched is
very, very high]

23 . Treat her the same around your friends
as you
do when you're alone. [this means a LOT to
her,
and it shows a lot about you as well]

24 . Look her in the eyes and smile.[Believe
me it
works..it has its own magic]

25 . Let her take as many pictures of you as
she
wants. [you trust her, don't you?]

26 . Slow dance with her, even if there isn't
any
music playing. [but don't step on her feet too
often]

27 . Kiss her in the rain.

28 . If you r in love with her . . . tell her. [of
course!

i <3 u

friends are forever

2005-06-20T02:18:00.000+08:00

dear diary..
just now i was looking at the pictures and videos that i took with my best friends in new zealand.. i really miss them so much.. they were the kind of friends i've been looking for my whole life.. they stayed by my side, they accepted me for who i was, they stood up for me, they cared for me, they supported me, they inspired me, they motivated me, they talked to me, they really listened to me, they cared about me.. they cared about my life..
do u know how difficult it is to care for someone when they're on the verge of suicide ? when they are constantly crying? yet they stood by me and loved me.. no one has ever done that for me before.. my friends stood by me through the hardest period of my entire life.. and i say my entire life.. u know u see movies in the united states about how when people go through a tough time and when they go back to school people call them a freak? that didnt happen to me at all.. new zealand was such a caring society.. they really cared about my life.. the only things that mattered to me were my friends and *him.. he kept me going.. he talked to me.. he made me laugh.. he made me happy.. whenever i saw him online.. i felt safe.. i remember once i needed to talk to him so badly.. i was so heartbroken over -------- and i called him and he talked to me.. i felt so blessed that someone like him watched over me.. he made me understand many things that i was confused and upset over in my life.. he saved me from myself.. he gave me my life back.. in nz, i cried everywhere. in school, at home, in the toilet, while watching tv, before sleeping, in the morning, while walking, in the car, anywhere. whenever i thought about * i would just cry. i lost my pride as i just broke down. i cried because i didnt know what else to do.. what could i do? nothing. all i did was cry because i was sad.. my friends understood though.. they hugged and cared for me.. when i came back from hospital, i was scared that some people might attack me but many people in school showed how much they cared for me.. some girls i thought hated me came up to me and told me that my life was important and that i shouldnt do stupid things.. they even hugged me.. people didnt stare at me or anything like that.. they knew why i went to hospital.. they knew i tried to -- but they didnt know the reason.. some people guessed and there were alot of rumours but none of them bothered me or my friends.. it wasnt really bad rumours.. just that people wanted to know what happened.. i received alot of care.. and it made me realize that there are good people in the world that really care about me..
whenever someone cries in class or stuff like that, the teachers will ask them if they want to go to the "timeout room" which is a room in the counselling block where u can cry or sort your thoughts out.. i cried so often that i was sent there most of the time.. the day before i was sent to the hospital i was sent to see rodger, my school counsellor. as i sat outside waiting for him, i almost started crying again. just as my eyes started to water, rodger came out. this time when he came out to see me, he had a look on his face i had never seen before. his face was ashen and full of concern. he looked at me and said, almost softly, "christine.. how are u?" i told him i was fine and happy with life. i was pretty much used to lying since all anyone asked me was if i was okay. it showed that i obviously wasnt but i didnt feel a need to tell them that. rodger looked at me the whole time and asked how things were doing at home.. i kept my head down the whole time and answered him 1 word answers. nothing mattered to me anymore. who cared about my life? i loved my friends, but i was hurting too much.. all i wanted was for it to end.. that morning of the start of the horrible night.. my mother slapped me.. i remember.. going online was my last source of comfort there.. besides my friends, when i went online in that room, i had all the time to myself.. i spent hours online.. listening to music.. talking.. just finding myself.. that morning when she realized i had been online the whole night.. she slapped me.. she hit me.. i remember the look on her face and in her eyes.. but how could she have hit me.. of all people, my family was the one that had seen me break down the most.. or maybe not see me cry but she knew i was going to ---- myself.. i knew she had cried for me, prayed for me.. but that morning she went too far.. of all things, she pushed me right over the limit.. after that i went to my room and slept untill about 7pm.. then my mother ordered me to go out and eat dinner.. she put a place of kway teow with vegetables on the table and forced me to eat it . i started crying and wanted to take some out but she told me that she had already put very little on my plate and she wanted me to eat it. it was crazy. i cried, i stared at her, and i had to force the horrible things down my throat. i could feel myself getting fatter as i ate. i couldnt finish the plate though. i stared at her and told her i couldnt finish. then she ordered me to sit there so i couldnt go to the bathroom to throw up. what the hell? i was so pissed with her, if i had a gun at that moment, i would have killed myself. the next day i was sent to hospital. it was horrible. i was placed in the maximum security ward. only about 6 to 7 people were in there. since i m a PR of nz, the hospital was free. they could keep me there for as long as they wanted, under the NZ law. i made some friends in there.. the people in there are really so sad.. one of my friends was raped.. that was why she was there.. it was awful.. i tried not to cry in there because if they know u are sad or depressed, they will make u stay in there longer. one of the other friends i made had already been there for 2 months. let me tell u, the longer u stay in there, the more crazy u'll become. u have nothing to do inside. eat, sleep, watch tv. people there dont read. what for? all they want to do is kill themselves. i did get out of hospital, thank god. but i was so frightened after that. i was sad. but i was grateful for the people around me. it was like.. i had this china friend called rulin.. she was really quiet the first day i sat down next to her and made friends with her, but as time passed by, we became really good friends.. although she didnt know what happened to me and had tried to guess many times what happened (i never told her), if i broke down next to her during class, i would hide my face in between my elbows so that no one could see my tears. most of my teachers noticed, but my friend would pass me a tissue and hug me. my friends tried to cheer me up alot.. i really appreciate all they have done for me.. they watched me cry.. they let me cry.. and they listened to my pain.. and that was how i healed.. it took me such a long time.. a slow and painful process.. but i did.. i remember before i was sent to hospital, one day during lunch break i was crying, and my friends were sitting around me.. angela told me "u'll get through this christine.. u'll get through it" and i looked at her tearfully and told her i wouldnt make it.. when i saw her in march 2005, she told me with a smile "u see christine.. u did make it" .. u'll never find a girl like her anywhere.. its like.. the people i met in nz arent people that go online and chat with u to make u feel better.. they are there.. in real life.. they're REALITY.. they are the friends that will go to your house to make sure u dont do anything stupid.. they are the real friends that will hug u and tell u everythings gonna be alright when u feel all alone.. they dont leave u alone.. if i didnt know them in real life and i talked to them on msn, i would think they're fake, but its so not true. its because they're there in real life. they really live life. they really care for one another. even though i was very very sad in new zealand, i learned to know the girl inside me. i love him alot.. i love my friends alot..
i spent alot of time in new zealand thinking.. about my life.. about me.. i found me.. i can finally understand the "man in the mirror" .. when i was alone in the hospital, i was frightened and i didnt know what to do.. i had to experience many things that i hope i never experience again.. the repeated injections.. the crying.. the screaming.. i starved myself so badly that my friends could not recongnie me.. i was labelled as a anorexic.. i threw up at first, and when i threw up, i forced everything out of my stomach.. until i was sure the only thing left inside was saliva.. then i didnt eat after that.. i exercised some.. but i starved myself.. they say how if u starve urself the weight will go back? well how about u starve yourself for 6 months to a year? my story about my eating isnt over.. but i learned how to love myself.. i learned how to care for myself.. i learned that ultimately it is my life .. no one will care for me as much as i care for myself.. i had to look out for myself.. i let myself grow.. and i let myself heal.. it seems so easy to just type words but when u experience it then u type it, its a whole different story. this is maybe the longest blog i've ever done but its worth it. when i looked at the vidoes and the pictures, i look at the way i smiled.. the way they made me smile. my friends are everything to me. they helped me get through what i went through in real life. they were there for me . in school. at my home. they loved me. they are the true friends everyone wants, and im the lucky one that got to know 3 amazing people. not just 3, but many other people that played a part in saving my life. i love the 3 girls in my life. they will always be my best friends. i love you girls. we'll always be friends forever.. as for him.. i love him because he cared for me like no one else did, he didnt know me, i wasnt related to him at all, i was just a person that was lucky enough to be cared for by him.. to be loved by him.. he is the guy i've always wanted.. more than i've dreamed for.. i love him alot.. he was there at the lowest point of my life too.. that, to me, is very important.. when u are at the lowest point in your life, the person that helps u will mean the most to u.. he made me believe i was someone worth living because he cared for me.. he made me happy.. he was the first guy i ever saw that behaved the way he did, thought the way he did. he is amazing. he still cares for me, and is still the sweet and admirable guy i knew right from the beginning. i owe my life to him. its raining now. its nice that way. he saved my life. he held on. i started to love myself because other people loved me. im so grateful for everything i've learned in new zealand, and im so grateful i met you. i love you. i love my friends. and because of all your love, i can love myself now. =)

2005-06-18T23:34:00.000+08:00

i think my sister is so nice :) and so pretty too :)

<3

2005-06-17T21:24:00.000+08:00

christine <$BlogItemDateTime$>

i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you

we might be facing some problems now.. but i want you to know that i love you with all my heart.. i wont hurt you and i'll always be by your side.. you're everything to me..

If you choose to take my hand.
Never choose to let it go.
If you choose to steal my heart.
Never even break it hard.
If you want to be with me.
Never ever leave my side.
If I ever choose to love you,
I would never ever let you go.
So baby, dont ever try to hurt me.
It aint a fun thing to do.

i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you
i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you
i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you

i <3 u
*ilu

loving your girl =)

2005-06-10T23:21:00.001+08:00

christine <$BlogItemDateTime$>

dear diary..

this is just so sweet i have to post it.. mr. perfect are u there?? i think you must have been sent from up above.

++i love you++

Message:
: Love the girl in your heart, not in your
mind. If you
base your relationship on feelings, it will fail for
there are ups & downs in feelings. Girls are there
to be loved, not toyed around.

Love her for who she is. Don't even think about
changing any bit about her. 6 billion people in this
world & 6 billion different personalities.
She's special & she will stay that way. You
change any part of her, you'll change her forever.
Don't substitute her for anyone else, she is
just unique in her own ways.

Love her whole-heartedly. She sacrificed a
lot for you so you'd better really treasure her. She
could have dated a so much more dashing guy in
town but she chose you because she loves you.
So do not play with her.

Like another girl while you're in a relationship?
Then
it's time you remain single
for a while. Don't go around breaking girls' hearts,
it's the most selfish thing to do.

Tell the truth, never hide anything from her. If you
want her to tell you everything, do the
same.

Don't go calling other girls "honey" or "darling".
How would it feel if your girl calls other guys the
same way? Be faithful, one is enough.

Socialise only when you're single. You socialise &
flirt around to get the girl of your dreams. When
she's already yours, don't ask for more.

It never kills to be romantic. Be flexible. Getting
that
diamond ring isn't the only
gift for her. Be realistic, she's human & she
lives life
just like you. Something sweet & simple always
get the job done.

Never promise her that you'll love her forever
because your forever might end the next day.
Love
her as if each day is the last.

It isn't good being too well-known to the opposite
sex too, it'll give her a sense of insecurity.
Remember, INSECURITY.

Promise her & make sure you never break the
promise. Swear to her & make sure you live up to
your word. Pledge your love to her & her alone.

Loving her is giving her your heart to break it but
trusting her not to. Same goes for her, giving u her
heart means allowing u to break it and trusting u
not to. Instead, she'll cherish it & protect it.
Should'nt
you do the same thing as well?
That's love.

Never, ever walk out of her life. She won't just cry
her heart out & carry on living as per normal, she'd
die.

Winning a girl's heart isn't the final victory. Don't
leave her once you've won her love. Love her all
the
way till the end of time, love her till marriage, love
her
till old age, love her till death. If you can love
her till
the end of time, you've earned the honor &
respect
for you've truly loved
her.

She chose you because she believes that you can
fulfil your promise. Win her heart & love
her.

you ask me if i'll love you forever; if i'll be by your side forever.. im telling you now, my answer is yes. whenever i think i have gotten over my feelings for you, all i have to do is look at you, and i'll fall in love with you all over again..

i know you've been hurt bad by your past.. but i'll kiss away your pain and i'll make you happy. i promise.

ITS THE JUNE HOLIDAYS

2005-06-09T00:19:00.000+08:00

christine <$BlogItemDateTime$>

dear diary..
its the june holidays and so much has happened! FIRST.. let's start off with the teacher's comments in my report book:

Comments: Christine is a friendly and pleasant student. She is able to communicate effectively in the English Language. She loves reading and writing. She does not hesitate to seek clarification when in doubt. The quality of her assignments reflects her hardworking attitude. She hopes to further her education in a junior college after completing her secondary education and she is willing to work hard in achieving this goal.

=) hahaha.

okays. update on my life.

firstly.. rachel's party rocked!! it was so fun! so nice! the satay was sooo nice! and im going to their church on sunday! =)
i was laughing so much! i think the sentence i said most that night was "hey, lets go eat more satay!" wahahaha. but really. it was really fun. HAPPY BIRTHDAY RACHEL.! i bought her a beanie baby. and we had durian cake! =) and we took lots of pictures! check them out on multiply! and lastly, we pushed the birthday girl into the pool! hahaha. it was so funny.! i was supposed to stand near the pool and pretend to be fighting with my mum on the phone abt what time i was supposed to go home and since rachel was the host, my friends told her to go over and see whats wrong with me and my mum. when she came over to me, i could tell she was concerned by the look on her face.. and then as everyone else gathered behind her.. i felt so bad..!! then.. i started laughing and they all pushed her into the pool! hahahaha!! and then her sister got pushed in too. +D rachel's wet!! hahaha.

secondly... si qian's sushi birthday rocked! me, stephanie and amah (kai kee) bought si qian a mango cake in advance that said "happy birthday si qian! friends forever" and me and stephanie went over to the sushi restaurant earlier and told the restaurant to keep the cake for us.. when amah and si qian arrived.. we ate the food and all that.. and the food was really really nice! =) its called Ichiban Boshi Japanese Restaurant .. and we ate at Wisma Atria.. first time for me eating at that restaurant cos usually i go to sushi tel at Paragon or Suntec City.. but yeahh.. the food was really nice..! after we finished eating, stephanie and i excused ourselves and went to collect the cake.. we lit the candles and brought it back to si qian.. surprising her and the whole restaurant. lols. and she was happy! =) too bad we couldnt consume the cake there due to the restaurant's regulations. so we took the cake and ate it by the side of orchard rd! first time i did that..! lol. really unique ! but fun!! we went shopping and walked around orchard for awhile.. went to far east plaza.. takashimaya.. and took pictures! =)
happy birthday si qian!

mmm...i watched kingdom of heaven twice, want to watch it a third time, sadly it was sold out the time i went so i watched monster in law. i watched monster in law twice too! watched house of wax and the jacket too. monster in law is really funny! =) love that show.

AND GUESS WHAT.
i work at mcdonalds!! yes! can u believe it? i applied for Burger King at Cineleisure too and they wanted me too. but i went for the MCD trial first, and i realise that i like working in MAC.. is really fun.. made new friends.. and its a nice and clean working environment.. even though i havent tried working at BK, im going to go back and tell the manager that i've changed my mind.. cos the MAC im working at will be at KAP.. so it'll be nearer my house.. then i dont have to waste time travelling back and forth .. =)
well..when i went into MAC.. i was given uniform and a cap.. so i changed and i couldnt tie my hair so i put the cap on and tilted it slightly to make it more fashionable.. then i let my hair down and it looked nice! the cap is cute! and its free too. =)
so then i went ouside to meet andy (the guy that's supposed to teach me the new stuff) and he brought me to see the other manager that told me i could do a trial at mac. oh btw.. this guy asked me for my number when i finished changing.. hahaha it was funny.. but anyway so i went to see the manager that gave me a chance and when he saw me he said "omg!!!" and told me i almost gave him a heart attack! and then he told me i HAD to tie up my hair cos the big boss (the one that will decide if i can work at mac) is working on that day.. and everyone was telling me to be careful and tuck in my shirt properly and all!! hahaha. so since i did my hair the other day (which costs $220 btw) i did a really really low ponytail.. and it worked pretty well.. cos it had been sometime since i did my hair.. so yeahh.. =)

that day i worked for 4 hours and i earned $14.. i was working in the lobby (not the counter) and so i opened doors for ppl..greeting and thanking them as they come and go.. clearing trays.. clearing the bins.. wiping the doors.. and they wanted me to clean the toilet! i did check on the toilet, but i didnt clean it. i really couldnt do it. its just disgusting. anyway. it was fun overall. and everytime u work, u get 1 free meal, however it cannot acceed $5.70. the ppl there are really friendly and helpful. =) im going to enjoy working there. plus after working i just have to run home! its fun! but its tiring. and i love it ! like the MCD theme song.. im lovin' it ! hahaha.

its the june holidays.. and im enjoying myself! its nice to finally take a break.. however i did realise some mistakes.. like.. i need to rest and relax more during school days.. i will make sure i get enough rest and that i have some fun too.. =)

btw.. im dropping physics.. i plan ahead for my future.. and this time i'll make sure i dont do stupid stuff.. i will go to jc and after that i will go to university and study mass communcations. its what i want to do, its what i love to do. i know ppl doubt me and try to bring me down or embarrass me when i talk so far ahead, but i know im going to do it. its the route and destiny i've created for myself. physics isnt going to be in my future, moreover im not taking amaths either. if i drop physics, i'll be dropping 2 tuitions too. so that's great. =) now i'll have 5 tuitions a week, training twice a week, and work twice a week. its much more relaxed now. i'll make sure i get enough rest and pace myself in my studies and for the end of year exams i will do well. =)

++as for my love life, me and my darling have ironed our a few of our issues.. its been good overall.. i love my sweetheart.. he's my world.. =) i just love you. the way you do things. the way you talk. the way you call me. the way how sweet your messages are. the way you smile. the way you dress. the way you smell. mmm..you always smell sooo good.. the way you look. the way you dance. the way you sing. i love everything about you. muacks for my darling.. i love you++

feel better now

2005-05-19T15:18:00.000+08:00

christine <$BlogItemDateTime$>

dear diary..
i feel alot better now..things look alot better for me..the last 2 days were terrible..absolutely horrible..but i've cleared up stuff now..thank u.. =) anyway on mon i went out with my dear amah and we watched kingdom of heaven at cineleisure.! it was my 2nd time watching that movie and i really love it! would like to watch it again. its really really nice. really blows my mind away. jus that some parts are quite scary and gory. but overall i really really love the movie. =) tomorrow my friends are i are going to eat sushi.. hee hee =P on sat i have to go ask for donations ( CIP ) .. its gonna be real fun.. some ppl think its really irritating and stuff but actually i find it quite fun and exciting! u get to chat and talk to anyone u like! after that we're gonna go take neoprints! yay! after my CIP work, i'll be meeting kim in orchard and we're gonna watch house of wax! (my friend's gonna help us buy tickets) yay! house of wax! after we take more neoprints and shop around orchard, we'll be going back to her place and i'll be staying for the night. we're gonna go to chomp chomp to eat too! =) the next morning i have to wake up at 4am cos i have to go for the BIg Walk! have to report at school at 6.15am! i didnt volunteer for this okays! I m forced to go cos im in cross country! lol.. anyway i have to travel all the way from serangoon to bukit batok cos i cant meet my school in the Singapore Indoor Stadium cos too many ppl will be there.. so yar.. hmm.. guess i cant take the MRT since it only opens at 5.30am?? aiyoyo.. i really wanna go for the sleepover and all but .. 4am?! i need an hour or so to bathe so i have to plan my time.. =) im just really glad the exams are over.. disappointed.. so disappointed with my results but things are better now.. i do have to get a more positive mindset.. i know that.. anyway im glad i feel better.. i m going back to watch fear factor now!

sleeping pills

2005-05-17T19:03:00.000+08:00

christine <$BlogItemDateTime$>

everything's gone
its over
its wasted
i feel so alone now
i feel so lost now
i feel so sad now
why is it this way
are my efforts all wasted?
i would really like some sleeping pills
would like to sleep for awhile.
if im lucky i wont wake up

is just makes me think
u know the movie kingdom of heaven?
there's snow . horses. icy cold weather.
is that how death is really like?
to be so near to someone?
to be so far from someone?
to be so hot or to be so cold?
to be so alone? to be frozen?
i dunno

party! party! party!

2005-05-15T01:27:00.000+08:00

christine <$BlogItemDateTime$>

my exams are over!! ohh yeah!! finally! thiis is so cool! finnally! i've been mugging so hard! i can enjoy my well deserved break! yes! =)

TIME TO PARTY!

orchard.orchard.orchard.orchard!
cineleisure.hmv.heeren!.taka!.wisma.far east plaza!!!.ohyes everywhere in orchard!suntec!arcades!NEOPRINTS.!!movies!shopping shopping shopping!TECHNO!!!,talking talking talking!going out!!!!!,buying new stuff!!watching tv as and when i like!yes yes yes!reading magazines!slacking!

YES YES YES YES

im sooo happY!

studied so hard and heres my break! i deserve it!!

exams are over! burn your books! i can wash away physics and maths formulas! forget all those bio nonsense! forget all the chinese words and sentences! dun care about all those chemical symbols! forget all about volcanoes, earthquakes and rivers!! IM GONNA REPLACE ALL THESE WITH: music lyrics.movies.arcades.techno dancing.shopping!!.talking and gossiping about anything possible! new neoprint poses! latest movie and music videos! wwe matches! TIME TO SLACK AND RELAX!!

(of cos after my break i will go back to hardcore studying) =)

but lets not talk about that.. cos.. for now.. i shall go back to my occupation as a slacker! a shopper! a movie and arcade lover! a techno lover that craves it day and night! AND ITS BACK TO ORCHARD! neoprints!!! =)

EXAMS ARE OVER

2005-05-14T01:49:00.000+08:00

christine <$BlogItemDateTime$>

dear diary..

my exams are over!! yeahhh! soooooo happy! i can finally watch tv without my books sitting beside me! i can finally relax without thinking when my next tuition will be! i can finally not sleep on the bus because i know that when i go back home i can sleep! i can finally sleep well! i can finally rest well! i can finally relax! i can finally go online without feeling guilty! same goes for tv! i can finally go out! cos my exams are over! yeahhh! today i went to orchard! soooo fun! yay!! took neoprints! hahaha.. =P tomorrow going out with my dear amah.. gonna watch comedy and take more neoprints! yay!!! sunday gonna go out and celebrate my sister's bday and mother's day lunch combined together at the phoenix hotel.. (not sure if thats the right spelling).. and then on MON .. its a holiday! for my school yeah it is! yes! go out!! yay!! going to sit in the arcade the whole day! waahaha! finally a break on all tuitions! i studied so hard! i really put in so much effort! and i really hope my grades will show how much effort i put in. I love watching movies. i love going to orchard.

now it's 1.56am and i just got home not too long ago. watched kingdom of heaven at cineleisure at 9.45pm. show finished around 12.30am and then went for supper and all.. =) it was fun!! but the movie is so gorY! and frightening! and scary!! but its definitely a good show!! now i understand why its rated R 16!! ..

BUT SERIOUSLY. im really so happy that my exams are over!!! time to paaaaarty!!!!

in the middle of exams

2005-05-10T19:31:00.000+08:00

christine <$BlogItemDateTime$>

dear diary..

today i had my chemistry exam.. i wouldnt say it's easy.. i dunno how to comment on this exam.. jus that i did my best.. it wasnt like a last minute study chem thing.. i've been constantly keeping up in the year.. clear all those doubts with my chem tutor or sch teacher.. just hope that i did well..

tomorrow's my core geog exam.. basically memory work.. memorize everything.. of cos u need to understand too.. after i finish blogging im gonna do a few physics sums from TYS then complete the other half of my revision of geog..

on thursday its gonna be maths paper 2.. i just finished my maths tuition abt 30 mins ago.. tomorrow having my last maths tuition.. then MATH EXAM.. after that.. thursday afternoon.. i'll practice somemore physics questions from TYS and do my last revision for bio chapters 1 to 9, not including chap 8. after the exams, PAAARTY!.

and we're supposed to go watch house of wax on mon since there's no schooL! yeahh! study first!! then ENJOY LIFE after that!! im gonna sit in the arcade the whole day! wahaha! =P

wish me good luck!

oh my god..

2005-05-06T19:09:00.000+08:00

christine <$BlogItemDateTime$>

i feel so sad and tired now
my head's pounding
feeling sick
the full realization of my parents being better off without me makes me sick to my stomach..
now i fully realize..
how much of a burden i am..
and how they would be so much happier without me..
and giving birth to me was a total and complete mistake..

oh my god..

confused and stressed

2005-05-06T18:20:00.000+08:00

christine <$BlogItemDateTime$>

dear diary..

there are so many things i still dont understand.. so much shit happened today.. i feel sad, lost, and confused now.. why are things the way they are.. why do people do things like they do.. why is the world like it is today..

feeling down and crappy.. too upset to even post the fcuked up shit.. =(

exams that are over:
english
chinese paper 1 and paper 2
lit and ss

exams that are coming up:
maths paper 1
chem
core geog
maths paper 2
physics
bio

mid year exams..here we go

2005-04-30T16:41:00.000+08:00

christine <$BlogItemDateTime$>

dear diary..

yesterday was my english mid year exam.. mm.. next thursday its chinese.. so on thursday onwards, school stops for me. go to school, take the exam, then go home and study. or wherever. good. that way i have more time to study. last night i went swimming cos i was so stressed. i so badly need a break. so yeah. finding ways that relaxes me without wasting too much time. swimming. plus these days the weather is just so HOT. omg. i almost died coming home on fri. so hot. today the air is quite humid as well. i might go swimming downstairs later. i prefer to go a little into the night, around 8pm plus so that its not crowded like in the afternoon.. hate going swimming when there's so many ppl here.. when i sit down, there's bound to be some children yelling and jumping and splashing water into my eyes. plus its so hot. i wanna go when the water and weather is cool. people should enjoy nature more. go outside. take a deep breath. enjoy the breeze. enjoy the wind on your face. blowing in your hair. indulge. relax. it does you good. mm..my someone is so sweet.. kissed me.. :X .. hahaha.. so caring and sweet.. after exams we must take neoprints ! =P

past few days i've been pretty sick.. missed school last fri, mon, and on tues i only went to school to do the bio mock exam which was 2 and 3 period.. after that i was so dizzy i had to go home.. i had to drag myself to go to school on wed, thursday and of cos, the exam day, friday. on wednesday it was total horror. by the time i finished school i was so dead. i smsed my dad to pick me up, but he was playing golf at the club and said he'll be at my school in about 25 mins but that was way too long so he agreed to let me take a cab home. during the cab ride, i closed my eyes and tried not to focus on how the taxi was moving and turning. i almost thew up despite the fact that i hadnt eaten anything and there would be nothing to throw up .

why was i feeling so sick?
my head was spinning and there was a constant pain for over 3 days.. no matter what i did it was there. even after sleeping it would still be there. can u imagine having a really painful head and being dizzy for so long? oh man. as if that was not enough, i also kept having bad stomach aches and chest pains. these pains have been going on since i was in nz, so it was nothing new to me, but combined with my head, it was hell. my bad stomach aches dont last long, they attack swift and sudden.. the pain only lasts from 30 seconds to a minute or more, but the pain is unbearable. what i do is i just tense my body up, stop talking, close my eyes, and just focus on the pain going away. my chest pains just feel like there's something on my chest? weird feeling. during this period i also get shortness of breath really easy and i cant shout or run and have to take things slow. so what did i do the past few nights before my english exam? i slept earlier. much earlier than i used to sleep. i finally got to sleep at 1am the first night. the second night i slept at 12am. and finally, the night before the exam, i slept at 11.30pm. i was so happy! i felt a little better the next morning . =) thank goodness. a few nights ago, during my very bad headache, i was made to eat dinner and didnt have much appetite, but i tried anyway. as i bent over my food and tried to swallow it down, i only felt worse and almost threw up over my food. finally after awhile, i was able to eat it properly. i couldnt even walk to the toilet without wanting to faint. it was horrible. i felt so low, thinking that all my efforts for the exams were wasted since i was in this state, but after awhile, it wasnt so bad.

i went to the doctor yesterday, and she said i was pale and after weighing me and taking my height, told me i was underweight and told me to eat more. she said i would look better if i put on weight. omg. are u kidding. i almost died there and then. anyway. she said my chest pains hurt cos there's not enough blood going to my heart, just like i lack in iron which results in a lack of haemoglobin. she took a test for that as well and im under for the scale. so she told me to eat properly and get enough rest. cos i lack in haemoglobin, there's not enough oxygen going to my brain therefore i get shortness of breath and get dizzy so easily. it may also be caused by the weather. as for the reason why i feel so tired all the time is cos i dun eat regular meals. argh! and she told me to eat breakfast. i dont get it! i never eat breakfast! and i havent been eating properly for over a year! if that is so, why the sudden breakdown? why is it just before the exams my body breaks down? i found out why. in nz when i refused to eat, i still had enough rest. down here, when i dont eat and i mug for exams AND i dont get enough rest, i break. so i'll rest more. as long as he's there for me, im okay.

im feeling so damn hot now. just turned on the air-con. yes! air-con in the whole house. yay. later if i have time and energy i'll go swimming. i wanna cool off. for now, im watching the amazing race. i guess after blogging i'll go type in my bio summary notes and watch tv at the same time. head doesnt feel that good. but as long as i try to cool off and relax, im sure i'll be okay.

my mum went for an operation today. last night as i wrote her a take care note, i burst out crying. i suddenly felt like how badly i've been treating her. arguing with her over the slighest things. she came home just now. i was so scared. so worried. it suddenly dawned on me how much i care for her. i dont want to take her for granted again. she's my mum and i love her.

MID YEAR EXAMS..

2005-04-22T23:51:00.000+08:00

christine <$BlogItemDateTime$>

omg..
mid year exams coming..
slogging like shit..
really wanna do my best..

so far my efforts have been paying off.. doing well in bio, chem and maths.. as for physics.. taking the mid year exam will be the first exam for physics.. so really worried about that too.. english is next week.. followed by chinese.. so really chiong like siao.. really want to do well..

oh well.. im going to mug now.. physics tuition for 4 solid hours tomorrow..

wish me luck! =)

-i love my baby boy

bad boy

2005-04-17T04:28:00.000+08:00

christine <$BlogItemDateTime$>

its 4.25am and i've been studying for what seems forever.. but i dont fear and i m not really tired cos jus thinking of my someone keeps me going.. :)

and here's my daily dose of techno!

Be my bad boy, be my man
Be my week-end lover
But don't be my friend
You can be my bad boy
But understand
That i don't need you in my life again

!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!
Boy meets girl
You were my dream,my world
But i was blind
You cheated on me from behind
So on my own
I feel so all alone
Though I know it's true
I'm still in love with you

I need a miracle
I wanna be your girl
Give me a chance to see
That you are made for me
I need a miracle
Please let me be your girl
One day you'll see it can happen to me
I need a miracle
I wanna be your girl
Give me a chance to see
That you are made for me
I need a miracle
Please let me be your girl
One day you'll see it can happen to me
It can happen to me

Day and night
I'm always by your side
Cause I know for sure
My love is real my feelings pure
So take a try
No need to ask me why
Cause I know it's true
I'm still in love with you

I need a miracle...

!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!

broken inside

2005-04-13T12:29:00.000+08:00

christine <$BlogItemDateTime$>

all she wants is to go home. to dry her eyes. broken inside.

guess where i am now? guess u wouldnt know. i've got my exams coming up in a month. mid years. my tuition has increased to 8 times a week now. chinese 3 times. maths twice. physics twice. chem one. after mid years it'll be more relaxed, of cos.. i practice my maths on a daily basis now. good for me. i have to study for myself. not even for my tutor. sigh. all she can think of is my grades too. not the effort i actually put in. i went to the doctor. he said im suffering from burn out. he told me to sleep more. he says im too tired. i know. i feel really tired too. im gonna crash. i wont give up on my studies. i just feel kinda defeated. but i'll still study. i'll study harder. i'll back up on my life. i'll push myself out of the hole i created. i'll go to school. i wont be late. i wont miss class. i'll do well in school and get good grades.

have you ever felt what it's like to have your heart shattered into a million pieces?

i have.

he was my first true love. i loved him with all my heart. too bad i realized it only after he was gone. i cant believe i still love him. its been 7 months since we broke up. yet i still think of him. i still cry over him. i miss him. one thing i wish i could say to you .. "if i love you this much and im not the one for you..then the one for you will be everything i am and everything im not". and believe it.

and you. its like history's repeating itself. i know it wont be as bad as *him. but do you even know how it feels to actually feel pain in your heart? a thumping pain like a knife just pierced it? with each word you said, as i held on to the life line, i felt myself drifting miles away from you. you're angry with me. you're disappointed in me. im utterly disgusting. im just like her. them. your past.

i guess u'll be happier with her. i dunno what to say to u anymore either. sometimes you dont listen to me. i dont mean like "you listen to me!!!" that kinda listen. its ike.. you dont listen to what im really saying. you go the wrong way and end up smashing my heart. once again. sometimes i just wish you could treat me like someone real. a person with feelings. not a little girl crying over her grades. im not blaming you for anything. you wouldnt even read this. you dont even know my blog. you hate blogs remember? you told me why should i put my whole life on the internet?

you're the first person i think about. and the last person i dream about. but i mean nothing to you. i know i dont. you care alot for me, yes. but i guess now you dont. i know i went too far. i pushed the limits. i did things that i shouldnt have.

i know you cant forgive me. sigh. i hope she can make you happy. seems like she's the only one that can. i know i'll never live up to her. you dont have to tell me.

but i just have one thing to say to you, and its that i love you.

im not asking for anything back. i know u wouldnt give anyway. what's the point of everything. what's the point of anything?

-rejected.sad.hurt.-

my long awaited and deserved break

2005-04-03T02:08:00.000+08:00

christine <$BlogItemDateTime$>

dear diary..

i got back late today.. am really really tired.. chatting on the phone and watching WWE now.. stretched out comfortably on my parents bed with my mac com in front of me.. and WWE.. thought i was gonna sleep jus now but after some techno music i was fine.. today (3.4.2005) is lennard's birthday! happy birthday lennard! hope you'll be happy and cheerful always =) today also went out with kim.. havent seen her in awhile.. great meeting up with her.. we watched spongebob squarepants! its so funny!!! im a gooby gooper yea.. ur a gooby gopper yea.. we're all gooby goopers yeah!! hahaha.. it was so funny i laughed until siao.. we also went shopping and took neoprints and all.. after that i also watched miss congeniality 2.. at great world.. i wouldnt go there again for sometime.. you know wad i mean.. *wink wink* hahahas.. today's my last day for awhile chilling out like this.. after this i have to chiong for my mid-years.. study really hard.. practice my maths especially.. but i'll make sure i still relax lar.. =P next week is victoria's birthday party!! =) cant wait to go .. me and kim bought her present.. hope she likes it.. next mon is also chris's birthday! hahas. so many birthdays coming up! so everyone turn up the volume of your stereo and party!!! eat lots of birthday cake, chocolate and ice cream too! and last but not wish, remember to make your birthday wish. =) i had a great time today. deserved it too. school starts on monday! tomorrow im staying home the whole day to do all my work and later at night i have tuition. and that's the latest update of my life. :)

discouraged

2005-03-30T16:47:00.000+08:00

christine <$BlogItemDateTime$>

dear diary..
lots of stuff's been happening since i came back. i have tons of work to do! so much! i have to complete geog TYS by monday.. and its not easy at all.. over 100 questions plus must write essay for that.. got chem TYS also..then i missed out alot on bio ..plus yesterday i had a social studies test.. not so bad.. THEN i found out i had a chinese test on today.. so of cos i studied.. and on tuesday my chinese tuition teacher came over and she wrote all the sentences down for me, and we had spellings and all, and i memorize like shit. the chinese test covered chapters 4-7, and i hadnt even learned chapters 6 and 7 since i missed out on school. so i did my best lar. today was the test. i guess it wasnt enough. i made careless mistakes. sigh. feel sad and discouraged. think im gonna get into trouble with my teacher at school too. she told me to stay behind after school for awhile but i didnt. too sad. after i finished the test i felt so miserable i could already feel the tears forming. so i quickly went to the toilet and cried. then sharon came to the bathroom and said that the teacher wanted me to go back to class. i really didnt want to go cos my eyes were blood shot red and i didnt want ppl to see me cry and stuff. but no choice lar. had to go back. sigh. chinese is one of the most subjects i put alot of effort into cos i dun wan to disappoint some people. especially my chinese tutor. its almost 5pm now. i have tuition in 2 hours. physics. feel so tired. still have alot of work to complete and studying to do. i have to do better. i'll study harder. i'll practice more. especially my maths. now im lying on my parents bed. computer on the bed. books on the bed. watching a korean series movie but the language translated into chinese. air-con's on. my head hurts. im tired. didnt sleep until 3am + last night. i have to rest. but i've got alot of work. and i feel like shit too. haiz. anyway. lots of birthdays coming up soon. spongebob squarepants . i wanna watch that stupid movie. :/
u know . that stupid movie. erm.. i forgot the name of the stupid woman again. the ring 3? its not the ring 3, but its like the part 3 of the ring 2. that stupid woman with long black hair lar. the show's coming to cinemas right. the stupid comerical has been showing all the time! i hate it! i dont even want to see the commerical! the tv isnt safe anymore! i could be watching a perfectly name and calming show and the next thing i know.. its either a stupid tv blaring in the dark or a woman with long hair black saying "happy birthday..." ..!! wah lao! even the radio's not safe annymore! what's with that movie?!?! its not nice at all!!!

anyway. im going to rest now. after that study. then tuition. gym after that. i need to rest. so tired. and not that happy. hope i'll feel better later.

=(

2005-03-26T23:27:00.000+08:00

christine <$BlogItemDateTime$>

why do you want to hurt me this way
why do you act like its my fault
it hurts when you dont say anything
it hurts when you dont care
dont you care? =(
sigh. i miss you.
dont you miss me? =(
dont i mean anything?

returning back to reality

2005-03-22T15:58:00.000+08:00

christine <$BlogItemDateTime$>

dear diary..

tonight will be my last night in new zealand until december. my last night in my dear room. im gonna miss everything so much. today i went back to howick college to see my friends one last time.. my best friend was so sweet.. her letter and present was just so sweet.. when i had to leave, me, angela, and sandra stood together. we all didnt leave. we just stood there. i didnt know what to say. it just hurt. they were the people that stood by me despite what happened to me. how often can you find such true friends? i looked at sandra. she's one great gal. we hugged one last time and she left. then there was angela. i said bye to her for now, and 15 mins later i had to return to her class and give her back her book. then, we said our real goodbye. it was so sad. after she went back into class, i started crying. as i sat on the bus, i flipped back into my autograph bk and saw what angela had written: "dont be sad, because when one goes, another will come". i didnt get to meet some friends i made appointments to meet them. we couldnt find each other. courtney, i hope you get the lip-gloss i sent from the counselling office. omg, i cant believe im actually crying again. the whole me moving thing just makes me so sad. i hate leaving friends. especially ones so true.

sandra. i bet you're gonna read this. i m gonna miss you lots. tell angela that too. oh man. i cant believe im leaving.

it's like..nz is my place of rest. when i come here, i have peace. in a way. i used to run everyday at this route near my house. today i went back there to take a few pictures of the place that gave me peace. it's like..everyday i went there to run. walk at first, then i would run. it's like everything's quiet...and you only hear the sound of your shoes along the pavement, and the sound of the insects and animals in the park. you finally have time to think. the sun shines down upon your head, or if you're lucky, it's shady with a little wind. i remember, when i cried, i would go back to the path, and collapse onto the grass and just cry for hours. i dont have such a place in singapore. if i had to cry, i would just have to cry in my room, and within a few seconds, i'd be back in reality. in nz, i had time. time to think. time to sort out my feelings and thoughts. im not complaining about my singapore life now. i love it. dont get the wrong idea. and i hope nothing goes wrong too. so i wont have to cry in my room.

in nz, its like my friends are there. and i mean there. yes, they're online, they're on the phone, but they're really there. they're really there for you. actions speak louder than words.

angela. i really love your present. even though im back in sg, i still like it alot. its really cool. :) thanks for being so sweet. and your card too. it's so nice.

tonight is the last time i'll be going online in nz. the last time i go online on MY computer. the last time i leave the study room. the last time i sleep in my big bed. the last time ... so many things...

it always hurts to leave something behind. i hate thinking "the last time..." i'll be back in december. i'll be back.

i'll be going back to school on thursday. im going to miss nz alot. really. you would never know how much. but i do. and nz will always be my precious home too.

me in nz =)

2005-03-21T17:48:00.000+08:00

hey. cant believe im in nz! anyway. im going back on wed. gosh. i miss nz. and i miss singapore too. guess you cant have the best of both worlds. anyway.so far life in nz has been real fun. i went to the theme park, went to the ice rave, went shopping, hung out with my friends, ate the pizza, chips, chocolate and ice-cream, did all the stuff i did last year when i was studying in nz. i also visited my old school, howick college. lots of nice memories in there. im going to vist howick college again tomorrow. then im going to the city to resolve some problems. i'll be going back to dear singapore on wednesday.going back to school on thursday.have to catch up on alot of work.i have to have 3 extra physic tuition,2 extra chem,an extra class for bio,2 for maths,and 4 for chinese.and that's just tuition.i'll have to work extra harder to catch up with school.im gonna do well in school.im gonna do my best.

i miss my special someone alot. that person means the world to me! :)dunno why larz.have the crave for techno music day and night.cant live without it.and i love my computer in nz! i have to leave it behind! *wails*its mine!!! nvm..it'll come back to me in dec.. and in the meantime, i'll study hard and make my special someone happy. i wont let you down. i promise.

sometimes i cant believe im here. i cant believe i made it so far. though im only 15. last year was such a year. im thankful that im still alive. still breathing. still living the life that i was meant to live. im glad that i was given a second chance. it scares me, to know that so much could have happened. that my life just changed. just like that. it really scares me to know that alot more people are still suffering. but like everyone else, i must be strong and learn how to face the world with courage and strength especially with the help of people around me.

i love my life now. it may not be perfect, but its like finally things are going back to normal. i hope everything will be okay. i'll do my best to make sure it does.